Suggestions for the 16 month old bedtime-refuser?!

[DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas]

My DD is very nearly 16 months old. She has slept pretty well from 11 weeks onwards until 3 months ago- obviously I don't mean sleeping through, and she's had her sleep regressions, but all fairly short-lived. Until now.

Her evening/ bedtime routine is tea, tv time, bathtime with teeth brushing, getting dressed for bed, into sleeping bag, stories (beaker of milk offered and pretty much always refused odd sip taken), cuddle for a couple of minutes, put down. She is always put down between 6:45 and 7:30pm. The only more recent addition in there is the tv, only allowed that in the last 2 ish months.

This used to be fine, she lay there quietly and peacefully sucking her fingers til she went to sleep. The last 3 months she's had illness after illness and everything has gone to hell in a handbasket. Now we do this routine, put her down, she is immediately on her feet crying and cross. I sit on her floor, by the door, and gradually inch out. Them I sit on the landing for a bit going shush shush as needed. Then I go downstairs for a bit, then back up as she's crying again. To the landing now to go shush shush from there. Repeat incessantly for 2 hours. Every night. She goes from crying to singing, to blowing raspberries, to standing up, to a=shaking the cot bars, to more crying.... but doesn't drop off.

Help?! What am I doing wrong? What has gone wrong?! I thought with persistence I would crack this quite quickly???

Why do you have tv? I'd avoid that as it might be too stimulating before bed.

Also what happens if you stay? Whats the quickest way to get her to sleep? I remember battles at this age but it took me giving more cuddles before putting into the cot and putting him down and keeping my hand on DS and saying night night. Gradual withdrawal didn't work - I had to leave the room sometimes after saying night night and if he just shouted (not upset crying), I'd give it a couple of mins, go in, cuddle and lie down and he'd usually go off. It was a battle but after a while it got easy again. He did have trouble with molars as I'd sometimes give calpol reluctantly and he'd settle faster (I'd be sure first it was teething).

iggly, I confess the tv is pure idleness on my part. I'm 25 weeks pregnant with twins and running out if energy by then so it gives me half an hour to sit on the sofa and just cuddle her!!

I used to be able to get her to sleep by rocking her in the nursing chair with her lying on my chest, then putting her down, and staying in her room used to help. Now, cuddles on the chair for up to 45 minutes don't see her asleep, and it doesn't get her to sleep faster I think (but I'll try for longer again tonight). Sitting in her room, she'll stay in her cot much more quietly, but again, up to an hour and she's not asleep.

That's the problem. There's no quick way to get her to sleep, I don't want to do cry it out. I'm worried about what'll happen when the babies are born if I've got this horrendously long palaver every evening...

I feel your pain! I've just had DD and we had the whole ridiculous routine for bedtime with DS but seems to have passed. I too didnt like to let him cry but some nights he'd settle incredibly quickly in ten mins if I left the room. He'd shout but not for long and I'd tell him I was going and it was bedtime. If he cried I'd go back in straight away. I never believed it would work and only left out of frustration more than anything.

oh, I wish she would iggly, the child has staying power! Still not asleep now, first night of no tv, no difference so far. DH has resorted to playing an ancient Chilled Ibiza album quietly on the landing, and there's less fussing but it's 9:15pm and she's not asleep....

We left her on Christmas eve as we were eant to be all eating a family meal- she cried on and off and fussed for 3 hours 15 minutes. There's no 10 minutes and lights on here. Which is why I am so stuck...

lights on?! lights off (and gone to sleep)... Can you tell I'm tired in the evenings?!

Hiya - what time does she get up in the morning, & does she nap in the day - if so when/how long for? Am just wondering if its something in her daytime routine that's causing the bedtime battles.

Can I also ask, did you do anything different while she was ill e.g. cuddling her to sleep? Just a thought that this could be her protesting at you putting things back to 'normal' now she is well again?

oh yes, we did everything wrong when she was ill- disruptions with late night hospital visits, cuddled to sleep, she just screamed all night for several so I kept her with me (and often on my chest qith me propped up with her) in the spare room. This is probably why it's all gone to pot. Though even with hindsight I don't know what I could have done differently for many of the nights... Probably let it carry on too long once she was getting better, but she'd get better from one thing and get another-Roseola Infantum, seamlessly into awful cough and cold, to winter vomiting bug (lasted 2 weeks, the diarrhoea part anyway), back into another cold, into hand foot and mouth which she was really poorly with, into another cough and cold (and I mean cough til she's sick and we're racing to pick her up to help her breath, not a little bit under the weather)!!! Poor kid.

Now shes going to sleep so late she's waking 8-8:30am. Normally, when she went to bed at a sensible baby time of 7- 7:30pm she woke 6:45-7:15, pretty reliably. Much preferred it!!

She does nap in the day- now she's doing badly aat night for a bit longer- up to 2 hours, usually put her down 1pm ish. She's been refusing to go down for naps too, been cuddling her to sleep for naps or walking her to sleep in the pushchair. Awful either way, I know. But last night and the one before she slept through, so she must still be able to get herself off to sleep?!

Ok. Now limiting naps to make sure she's up by 3:30pm latest and no tv at all again. Dh put her down last night and she fussed less, but still took til 9pm...

Anything else to try???

I had the same problem with my LO after she was ill and also couldn't bear to leave her to cry. Can't remember any shortcuts I'm afraid, we just persevered and she went back to the old routine after a few days (she wasn't as ill as your DD tho which might be why it's taking longer) it will pass!

Try getting her to nap 11/11.30ish instead of after lunch so she's really knackered by bedtime. I've just been going through this with ds3 (15 1/2 months) but it does seem to have pased now. I didn't do anything to get things back on track I don't think - for several nights he was screaming blue murder if i left the room and only calm if I held his hand then suddenly right back to normal. I did find that if he was totally knackered by bedtime he was too tired to put up too much fuss. I'm now very reluctant to let him sleep past 2.30, and preferably 2 at the latest.

Ok. I will try and get the nap a bit earlier. We are doing the rounds of toddler groups in the morning to keep her stimulated and mixing with other children, so I don't know if I'll manage 11-11:30 as that's when they all finish, but will try for much earlier daytime sleep

I'm pretending I can't hear her over the monitor now.... la la la la la . 9pm.

only just catching up on this. I'd say if she's napping 1-3 then trying for BT at 6.45pm was definitely too early & this is why she is not at all happy at bedtime. I find with my DS, he screams more when he's not tired enough than when he's overtired.

So you either push BT out, or if you want her to go back to her previous BT i'd probably gradually start waking her a little earlier in the morning, maybe 15mins/week til she's waking when you want her to, which should bring nap a wee bit earlier, say 12-12.30, which will also bring BT earlier. I probably wouldn't go as early as 11-11.30 for nap - I found if I did that & kept to a 7pm BT my LO would have unsettled nights through OT, and I also found that an early nap plus earlier BT just caused him to wake early & no-one should have to suffer EW its gross!

HTH.x

Well, MMR yesterday, so it's all worse again, but even after a bad night post-jab, I couldn't get DD to fall asleep even at 1pm... In fact, I ended up doing the Walk Of Sleep in the pushchair (collective, groans all round, I know) and then having to wake her up at 3:30 for bedtime... I really don't want a late bedtime- up to 7:30 I can cope with, as I knwo with newborn twins, evenings become feeding frenzies/crying fests.... Be better and easier if DD will go to bed by the time they're born.

HOW are you meant to get a nap earlier? She was tired- disturbed night, plus Baby Signing course in the morning, fed, read to quietly, put down, protested for 30 minutes, no better, I got twitchy about how late it was going and bundled her into the buggy...

Mmmm, not sure. I find that mine is always knackered in the morning and tends to go down easily, if fact usually on the way back from whatever activities we'be done in the morning if we've been out. Fortunately i can then just put him in bed if he's not been asleep long. At home all morning he'll go down easily at 11.30 at present. When he was going through the bedtime refusing we were at my mums over christmas so he generally fell asleep travelling, it is quite possible he would have fought naps otherwise as it makes sense that if falling asleep is tough for them at present due to brain development it would also be tough to switch off during the day. If it is sleep regression and your dd will fall asleep on the move I would suggest changing your routine for a few days so she falls asleep that way and then revert back to normal to see what happens. Do you think it could be sleep regression?

Ha! no such luck for me undergroundernie, I used to put her down at 11:30. Then it got so I couldn't get her asleep then at all, so made it 12, then after lunch... The other morning, I was sure she'd fall asleep in the car after a bad night then her Baby Signing class in teh morning, and a half hour drive home, but no... so fed her and tried to settle her and no chance- hence resorting to the buggy walking. If she falls asleep in the car its a bit of a disaster anyway, I very rarely successfully move her, but she's clearly not comfy enough to sleep more than 30 minutes in it... Argh!

Anyway, poor little tike had her MMR and booster jabs on Thursday, much delayed due to her constant stream of illnesses. She wsa bad Thursday night- mostly up til 4am, ok ish last night, but awful today, really hot, grotty, not eating, not drinking much... So all sleep training is off for now. Although I think she may have just fallen asleep, at a mere 8:10pm, a record!!!!!

I will try just walking her in the buggy (as we did today) and going back to sleeping in the cot soon. For her naps- or do you mean at night?!

Oh, just naps! You have my sympathies with the not taking naps, I'm amazed she could last out a 30m car ride! Hope she's feeling better soon. Probably mine is so knackered in the morning due to 2 hour awake stints in the night which is how he likes to play out sleep regression.......

Phew. Evening dark, cold walking didn't appeal

Yes, she has staying power, my little DD... I was disappointed she didn't fall asleep after such a bad night and a baby group, but hey..maybe over-tired then? Napping in buggy as I type... And we had a 2 1/2 hour stint awake in the night 2 nights ago, and an hour and half last night. She has bags under her eyes for goodness sake, but still fights sleeping!!!!