can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong? 10MO waking continually through the night

[multicolourcat]

I feel like I am doing everything wrong, but I am so tired I don't know where to begin, and just need a bit of support and advice...

DD 10MO's sleep has gone to pot. she has never been great, but about 2 months ago was sleeping with just one wake in the night which was fine. last night she went down at about 7.30, and then woke at 10.30, 2, 3.30, 5 at which time i was so exhausted i resorted to pulling her into bed with me. I cuddled her up tight and we slept until 7.30am. She wants to feed at each of these wakings. This has been going on for about a month. She is very clingy and will not settle at all with DP and also he works a lot so i do the nighttime. I also wanted to do the night times to give her consistency. I've been introducing self settling for her day time naps, but today have just rocked her to sleep as i haven't the energy. I think she is eating enough in the daytime, she has a morning feed, 1 1/2 weetabix for breakfast, mid morning feed, good lunch, mid arvo feed and a big dinner and then feed before sleep. I don't think she should be hungry in the night. I don't want to co-sleep thogh had fallen into this a few weeks back and spent one horrid night refusing and she then took to her cot again, and i can see myself falling back into the problem of her wanting to sleep with me the whole time.

I am so tired, i just don't know where to begin. any one got anyn suggestions or just support?

Have you tried offering her water at night? (if she will take a bottle that is?) water is far less appealing than milk

no, she won't take a bottle :(

This may not be what you want to hear but...I could have written this post a few months ago. My ds is now 11.5m sounds just like yours was. I was very reluctant to cosleep. Then rather than fighting the cosleeping I just went along with it and as a result everyone gets more sleep. You said yourself when you snuggled in with her you both slept til 7.30. We still put him down in his cot, and then bring him in with us when he first wakes up - sometimes this is 11pm, sometimes it is 4am. Now I'm not even sure how many times he has woken in the night as I barely rouse when he does, just shove a boob in and doze back off. I never anticipated being a co-sleeper/extended bfer but i think that is the way i am heading as it just seems to work for us, but it has taken me a while to get my head round it, but there are loads of people on here who do the same. 10m is a classic time for separation anxiety so it is natural that she wants to be close to you.

If you really want to focus on getting her to sleep in the cot am sure there will be people to advise you on that, but just wanted to give you my experience as our dcs sound similar.

I haven't got much advice really but you have my sympathy! I have a 10 month old who refuses to sleep in his cot. He doesn't even want milk, just lots of night time cuddles. I have been co-sleeping for the past couple of months as it is the only way to get sleep and I didn't want to use CC or CIO. If it is milk he is waking for then night weaning might cut out the waking. If you want to do this I would cut out one feed at a time. So you could decide that he has a dream feed at 11 and any then waking before 4am you won't feed him but you will after 4 am. Then send your husband in to settle him before 4 am?

No advice, but would it help to say that this sounds exactly like DD1 at that age (with a two hour screaming fit thrown in about 2am)? She worked it out pretty much on her own eventually and slept through from just under one.

Sometimes the night is darkest just before the dawn!

I'm a long way on from having a baby, DDs are 11 and 18, but just wanted to say that looking back my advice would be to do whatever feels right at that stage, you'll know when it feels the right time to get them sleeping through in their own bed. Dont have their room warm at night though, mine survived without central heating and i really believe its better to have a cosy bed in a cool room.
Each phase is just a phase, it'll all soon change again!

No advice just sympathy, as my 9 mo is just the same. I reckon separtion anxiety is a major thing at this age. It's really disrupting my DDs bedtime routine. She just wants to be close to me and wakes up upset looking for me. Once shes found me she wants the comfort of my milk although my DP can settle her sometimes. it's just one thing after another isn't it. I also co sleep and feel better for it. I have no idea how I'll get her out of my bed though or actually if I even want to.

I reckon some babies are just like this (am going through a positive phase atm) you know she can self settle as she has done it at night before so hopefully she will go back to that soon.

Hope you are ok, this will pass.

thanks everyone. Last night we decided that I wouldn't feed her in the night so after putting her down at about 7.30 she woke at 9ish and DP went into settle her. He cuddled her the whole time and eventually got her back to sleep. It was only when he came out that we realised she had cried so much she vomitted on his shoulder but at least he had her in his arms the whole time, so she wasn't abandoned crying. Then she woke at 11 and he did the same thing and it only took about 10mins and hardly any crying. Then she woke at 1.50 and he went it and she would stop crying when he was holding her, and seem to drift off, but then as soon as back in cot started crying again. It was awful. But again, he didn't leave her to cry in the cot again so i managed it. Then at 3 DP couldn't take anymore. Nor could I. I fed her and i think she fed for both hunger and comfort and then went down and slept til 7.30am. poor thing, think she was exhausted from the crying. So, then i just felt guilty for caving in and giving her mixed messages. she genuinely seemed confused at 3am when finally my boob appeared.

DP doesn't have a job that he can go to work in exhausted, so we've decided from now on any wakes before 12 he will deal with, and me after. But do you think this will just be giving dd mixed messages?

Well, she'd get the hang of it, but it might be easier on all of you if you kept up 'dad only' for a couple more nights to get her in the swing of things. It's the weekend - is he off work for a couple of nights or does he work weekends/shifts?

yes, we have just chatted and he can do Fri and Sat night, so hopefully that will make a difference before sunday night comes along. Do you think it is ok for me to decide a time, say 3am where I will go in and give her one feed, or should I just not go in at all. I am finding this really hard, I get all jittery when she's crying in the other room and I'm not there with her.

I haven't really got any experience in practice I'm afraid. But if you think she's actually hungry by 3am it seems rather unlikely to work refusing her. Surely a truly hungry baby will just keep crying and crying until you teach them 'even if I am hungry I don't get food at night', which doesn't sound right to me. I'd think that you not going in until it's a feed for a couple of nights should help. Maybe she'll drop the earlier wakings whilst your DH can still do those ones. I know some sleep training regimes do say to set a time before which you won't feed, so it must be a recognised approach.

Came on to look for inspiration as I'm in quite a similar place with DS who is 8.5 months. We put him to bed in the cot but then after that it's whatever is easiest. He sleeps from 7pm (on a good night) till 10:30pm at which point I got to bed after feeding him. Sometimes he goes down fine in the cot after the feed, and then when he next wakes I put him in bed with me. I've got to the point after offering water lots, that he will now take water, so no feed until around 5am. He never takes a bottle at night so the water is in a sippy cup.

I think he is after comfort and perhaps is a bit cold at night, despite being in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag and the recommended clothing. He sleeps so much better in with us. How warm is your bedroom/her nursery at the moment? I worry about how to get him out of our bed as we never co-slept with DD so I don't have experience. But at this point I just want to get some sleep. I am happy to give DS the comfort he wants as he's been teething, had a bad cold and probably into separation anxiety territory too.

Don't make it too hard, just work on one bit at a time. If that's consolidating the feeds then concentrate on that but don't worry about where she is sleeping if it means you both get more rest!

Last night was a bit better - DD fed to sleep (STILL need to sort out self settling) by 8pm and then didn't wake until 3am and then DP went in to settle her, but took 2 hours and lots of crying :( but he was armed with a beaker of milk that she didn't want, so if she was actually hungry she could have had food. I do feel a bbit mean denying her comfort in the night, but DP was cuddling her and I just can't cope with her wanting to feed every couple of hours like she has been doing. I think when the week starts and DP can't help me after 12 as he needs a good night sleep, I will let her have one feed but only after 3am, anything before and i'll settle her with other ways...and try and work on self settling in the meantime! Gosh, this is hardwork.

MULTICOLOUUR CAT - KEEEP GOING!!! - it is tough and debilitating no doubt - however i am sure the gold we are seeking is good sleep habits for baby and for us - i have an 11month old boy who i have been "wrestling with" at night - he is physically so strong that when he wakes up - approx twice a night - he arches his back - resists being cuddled - its amazing, and distressing - i have to sit down with him and kinda hug him really close to get him to calm down ...he will not take a dummy

he is totally different from our girl baby - who use to wake take a dummy and a cuddle and resettle

i believe its all to do with sleep cycles when they come into a lighter sleep - if they wake up =-how to they resettle - rosie was a dummy - joe wants to suck on a bottle

we're trying not to feed him but after 1-2hrs of crying, calming down, put down in cot, let him cry, going back up ...we do resort to feeding sometimes very watery mix of mostly water and a hint of aptimal

if we feed him immediatly he re-settles quickly and its piece of cake - obviously we're trying to break this night feed/resettle habit and this is what is totally exhausting and upsetting - he eats really well during the day - its not hunger he is giant well fed baby

both of us are shattered - we have toddler and demanding jobs as i am sure you all do

whats interesting on this thread is the hubby going in for a couple of nights - might give this a try

baby joe still has bottle for last feed at 6.30pmish - gonna swap this for a beaker soon and this might be interesting transition once all the daybottles have gone

glad i logged on for some mutual comfort in the fact that we're not alone in adventures in sleep!

ps i have decided our time is anything past 04.00am we will feed - that keeps joe asleep and resettled till breakfast

prior to that its cuddles, pats, put downs, crying, cuddles, for 1-2hrs and then some water - this is the new resolve -
sometimes he wakes at 5.30am and a quick feed resettles him its useless tryin to cry down then as he will just wake up

as Michael mcintrye comedian said - he and his partner say "good luck" each time they go to sleep to see what the night brings!! :)

Ah thanks rainbowrosie it really is nice to get support on here, it gives me the strength to keep going! The whole time dd was up last night from 3am until 5ish crying I was just listening to her (i can't turn off the monitor, as i feel the need to know what's going on in there, especially as I am much softer than DP and want to make sure he doesn't leave her crying on her own!) and thinkking how i could go in there and sort it in 10 mins by just putting my boob in her mouth....but then I have to remember how hard it is when she wants to feed every two hours and how i am so exhuasted I can't be a good mummy in the daytime. so, i sat tight and felt sooooo guilty this morning and cuddled her so much (until she was pushing me away!!).

Do try your DP going in, i can't believe that dd went all the way through until 3am last night, a massive improvement on what she was doing before. He's going to continue going in til midnight during the week and then i'll take over after that. Completely understnad the goodluck at bedtime, I actually get nervous before going to bed now!