How do you get a nap and bedtime routine?

[Bart1maeus]

DS is 3.5 months and currently I do everything "on demand" i.e. breastfeeding and naps, with no real routine. Bedtime is also at different times, although usually between 9 and 10.30pm - I've tried getting him down earlier but it's never worked.

I'm wondering whether DS will naturally fall into a routine or if I need to create one. I'm going back to work in 2 months and I think it'd be better if he had a routine by then.

He usually sleeps 9 - 10 hours per night (waking for feeds) and naps around 4-5 hours during the day, although his naps are very random. They might be 20-30 minutes or up to 3 hours . Added to the problem is the fact that he has decided not to nap except on me (either in sling if we're out or on my lap if we're in). Any attempt to put him down means he wakes up and won't go back to sleep so it cuts his nap short (so I end up sitting down for hours with him asleep on me just so he gets enough sleep).

So, if I aim to create a routine, should I be waking him from his naps after a certain time? I always thought that you shouldn't wake a sleeping baby! But atm he is often napping from 4 til 7pm hence the late bedtimes.

Ideally I'd like to get him to bed between 8.30 and 9pm because once I'm back at work I won't be home until 7pm (and DH gets home later).

Any ideas how I can introduce a nap routine?

Bart are you planning on bfing when you return to work and if you will be home at 7pm, what time would you like bedtime to be ideally?

Also, have you tried posting in the bfing & bottle feeding section as I know your post is about sleep but it's also about returning to work. Just thought there might be some bfers hanging around in there who can help .

Thanks
Am hoping to bf morning and evening. A bedtime around 8.30pm seems to be usual amongst our friends who work similar hours.

So he'll be around 5.5 months when you return then? Things can change an awful lot in 2 months but you might start by trying to wake him earlier from his 4pm nap and try a bedtime routine of something like bath and baby massage followed by books and feed at 7.30 pm. If he is sleeping so late though you might want to make this later.

I would have thought that continuing the morning and evening feed would be perfectly ok at 5.5 months but you might want to ask in the breast & bottle section or talk to a BFC about working out a plan to drop feeds in a way so that you don't get mastitis.

As for the naps in the day, both of mine sort of fell into a routine around what we are doing. Do you go out to things in the day like swimming/playgroup/bfing group?

Thanks for your reply jilted

Will try bf thread for feeding advice.

As for what we do in the day, erm not much! I don't live in the uk and there are hardly any baby groups round here. I want to start swimming but the pools here take them from 4 months / second lot of vaccinations so I need to sign up soon.

I should probably try to get a routine for going out but its hard in the winter!

DD is 14 weeks, so similar age. BF and nap on demand/to suit what I'm doing in the day. She sleeps in sling, on me or on the move in pram. We have been doing a v loose bath time routine, without too much success as I think she's poss overtired. So, looking at tweaking.... I've just started following the No Cry Sleep Solution, in terms of logging activity. Hopefully looking to try some of the solutions in a couple of weeks in an attempt to sort out a routine for us.

DD starting childminders in similar timescale...Soooooo..... Watching thread with keen interest.

my ds1 was very similar to yours - would only sleep on me, for 30mins max on his own. i really struggled to get into any routine and had a big meltdown at 7months. however...i put ds3 in a gf ford routine from day 1 and he really is very contented, self settles to sleep every time so i just have to put him down and walk out.

i do have to clock watch to make sure he is settled for naps on time, and doesn't sleep too long. he only really started settling into the routine around 2-3months and i couldn't follow the feed times very well as i was ebf and it just didn't work around growth spurts.

i only really followed the basics of putting him to sleep in his cot in a dark room, making sure he was swaddled/wrapped up warm and i put him down to settle to sleep rather than feed/rock/cuddle to sleep. short morning sleep (45-60mins), longer lunchtime sleep (2 1/2-3hrs), short afternoon sleep (30-45mins). if he didn't sleep long enough i tried to keep him quiet in his room with lullaby music of sitting quietly with him. he had a comforter from an early age which really helped - his eyes glaze over when i put it on his cheek and he knows it's time to go to sleep.

naturalbaby - do you think a strict routine could have worked with your ds1?

Shame that you don't have much going on locally. What do the other Mums in your area do? Have you got any friends where you could meet up for a couple of hours in the day for a coffee sometimes or at one another's houses?

I found that my DS fell into a more regular routine without coercion from around 16 weeks, so i never forced it and it just developed - and then changed over time.

That said, my situation was different to yours as i didn't go back to work until he was 9mo so i can understand that you want to get your DS into a routine. However, will he be going to a nursery or CM when you go back? If so, i don't think the length/ time of the naps is worth putting effort into because he will to some extent need to adapt to different routines anyway. Perhaps concentrate your efforts instead on getting him to sleep in a regular place without needing to sleep on you and don't worry about how long he actually sleeps for or what time during the day. This is something that changes over time anyway so chances are just as you get him to sleep for two hours at a certain time of day, he'll rip up the rule book!

As a guide, by 16 weeks my DS was taking 3 naps a day - an hour and a half to two hours about 2 hours after waking for the day, the same again around lunchtime, then a shorter one around 4pm. The 4pm nap is usually the first to go, followed by the morning one but at that age he needed a nap around 4 to get him through to bedtime at 7ish. I have never really believed in waking babies unless there's a reason to do so as they tend to know how much sleep they need. You could try leaving it 2 weeks and seeing whether the pattern changes on its own and, if not, help him along the right path?