Longterm(ish) BFers/co-sleepers: when and how did you get your baby nightweaned, into cot/bed and sleeping through?

[2ndDestiny]

Sorry if this has been covered before. My DS is almost 15mo, always been a terrible sleeper, have co-slept since he was 4 months which saved my sanity. He does usually go to sleep OFF the boob at bedtime, but is not good at self-settling (we cuddle/rock/sing). DH now fed up of being kicked in the ribs all night and wants him in his cot in his own room. I would also sort of like our bed back to ourselves again but infinitely prefer co-sleeping to getting up to re-settle DS multiple times in the night. We had some success at getting him to sleep in his cot in the run up to Xmas (he has always done naps and first 'shift' of the night in his cot) but gettingup to BF him took me back to newborn-stage levels of exhaustion and when we tried to nightwean (comforting and cuddling back to sleep instead of feeding, which sometimes took an hour - and then he would wake again 10 mins later) we were thwarted by a tummy bug and now a hideous cough/cold. So now he's mostly back in with us and the thought of starting from square one fills me with dread.

So I would like to hear from parents who were in this or similar situation at 15mo or older - when did your DC a) nightwean? b) go into own bed/cot? c) sleep through? And did you do anything to get them to do so?

Thanks in advance

Can't help I'm afraid as in exactly the same boat but will be watching with interest and hoping someone cleverer comes along soon! ;)

well glad to hear I'm not alone at least! Not that I wish sleep deprivation on anyone of course :)

First baby - tried nightweaning at 15 months and it failed miserably. Tried again a few months later and it worked much better - DH would go in and would offer water/cuddles etc. By 18 months DS was sleeping in his own cot until about 5am when he would come in with us, have bf and usually fall back to sleep.

Second baby - DD was a bit more tenacious, at 2yrs she was still having the odd night feed and coming in with us mid-way through the night (basically when she woke up after we went to bed she would come in). Not sure when she actually stopped, but we didn't intervene so much, more rode it out. She has now just turned 3yrs and sleeps fairly well, usually until about 6am. And she's still bf, but definitely not at night.

I am also in same tired boat.

Have just posted on a similar thread in bf, I'll try and link. Will be watching for tips.

Oh sorry I can't link as on phone.

I weaned at night by introducing a dummy to settle DS (to save my sanity) but that was at 7 or 8 months. We coslept until 2 years when he started to kick me out of bed at night

I do think this is the worst age for sleep problems, well it was for mine anyway. You're all set for the sleepless nights at the beginning, then after a year you start to wonder when sleep kicks in...that's when the teething/colds/ear infections/separation anxiety/whatever really mucks up their sleep. Then at 2 they wear themselves out so much that their sleep patterns settle down and they go to bed more reliably and sleep a lot longer at a time.

We coslept with ds1 but didn't bf, he was sleeping in his own bed by 19 months, with a little bit of persuasion.

Ds2 (cosleeper&bf) I night weaned at just turned 2, and shortly after that he and ds1 shared a bed. Now they sleep really well in their bunk beds at 5 and almost 3.

After that ramble, I don't have masses of advice except to say that if you choose the path of least resistance like we did, chances are by 2 they'll be sleeping the way you want them to with only a little encouragement needed.

DD is 16 months and in same boat, marking my place - so no advice!

Thanks for all the replies
weasle I'll look for your thread in BF
Fishlegs thanks for the advice, that is what I'm trying to decide - whether to just go with the path of least resistance, which might mean less stress and as much sleep as I'm going to get for now. Also interested to know if there are interventions which have worked though.
Hello to all the others in the same tired boat :)

Hi. I night weaned my co-sleeping bf DS at 15 months. I tried all the gradual weaning advice which for him didn't work, so in the end, we moved him into his own room, and then refused milk after 11pm and before 5am. I have gradually pushed his morning feed to 6.30am now, and he doesn't have any milk after his last feed at about 7pm. He is now almost 2. DS sleeps on a futon in his own room so that we can comfort him in the night if he wakes, and still get some sleep ourselves. He's never been a good sleeper, so I feel your pain!

DS - weaned himself at 13 months when I was PG with DD1. Just literally refused a feed one day and never had another.

DD1 - at 18 mnths I went on a hen weekend and spent a night away. Ex-H (DH) at the time decided to put her in her own bed while I was gone and she slept straight through. When I came back we continued for about a week of me going out at bedtime and him putting her to bed, then him also getting up in the night to pat her back etc if she woke. She only woke a few times and just carried on sleeping through from then on.

DD2 - was forced to wean very suddenly at 21 months because I needed to take medication which wasn't compatible with bfeeding. I wore a swimsuit and high neck jumper to bed, and just rode it out in my bed. Once she slept through without asking for a feed in my bed, I started to put her in hers at bedtime and she came in to me if she woke. She took about a month to stop coming in during the night, and now (2.6) only wakes if we sleep somewhere different or she's poorly.

I think that seperating the weaning and own bed is a good way forward, as is getting DH to get up in the night so it's clear there will be no feed. Particularly as he seems more keen than you to get him i his own bed.

Ours is a climber, so not safe in a cot (the thunk of him hitting the floor the last time he was in one will live with me forever).

What we've done is put a toddler bed squished up against ours, and he uses that > 50% of the time. We bought it when he started kicking me away after his night feeds - clearly wanting more space himself. He's had a couple of colds in the last 2 months which have set us back, but we've also had 4 sleep completely throughs, with no action on my part, just letting him do it himself.

We're probably lucky with him, and we're definitely lucky that we're getting enough sleep that I don't need to force the issue, but it seems to be happening on its own for us.

23 month old here, still not sleeping through and never has. We were in the same situation as you at 15 months and wondering if he would ever sleep through. He did have a couple of false starts around 17 months (2 hour afternoon naps then sleeping 7pm to 12pm then through till 7...that was through our "night" so felt wonderful) - but that was on holiday, with tonnes of walks, daytime activities and good food. Then he hit the 18 month sleep regression (didn't even know there was such a thing and you could put a name to it - till it started) and it was awful. Awful particularly because we were actively trying to nightwean. We gave up, waited a couple of months, and began again at 21-22 months.

It's been going well, he understands us, and has gone back to sleep several times without a feed, sometimes we haven't even got out of our bed. Other times he cries and screams "Peeeease mummy pease!". I want to stop because I am exhausted, but also because these are not peaceful, roll-over-and-go-back-to-sleep nursing sessions, but more like wrestling matches. I get the top half, partner gets the kicking feet. Refusing him does sometimes mean a quiet acceptance, other times he crawls all over me and finally settles...lying full length across my back! So not sleeping through yet but we are sort of getting there. BTW I feel terrible refusing something he wants so desperately, but there is a big part of habit, and also he's too hot/thirsty/wet. But I have health reasons for wanting to wean, and I can't figure out a way to get around this.

A few weeks before his third birthday I mentioned quite matter of factly that 3yo boys didn't have milkies, only 2yos and babies have milkies. He accepted it unquestioningly and without drama or upset.

We then had quite a few weeks of him not knowing how to get to sleep and wandering down after bedtime for a cuddle on the sofa, and we went with it - very softly softly approach because we didn't want his new way of going to bed to become unpleasant for him. He never once asked for milkies, and eventually got in to the habit of going to sleep in bed at the same time as his sister.

He's nearly 4 now and sleeps the night in his own bed more often than not. Wish I could say the same for his 6yo sister!!

Thanks for all these replies, really helpful. I also have wrestling sessions much like you describe Chingchok. After another night of being clambered all over and head butted in the face I am feeling newly motivated to get him into his cot. I think he was actually sleeping for longer periods in the cot and waking less frequently than in our bed (but that could just be cause he's not been well this past week). Cot first, then nightweaning. But if it doesn't work this time it's reassuring to know it might still work a few months down the line when he can understand enough for me to negotiate a bit. I do wish it would just sort itself as I also find it very difficult to refuse him a feed but I suspect that's a long way off for us.

with mine it was a gradual thing, i would say i started at about 12mths that when they stirred or wanted fed during the night i would try to just put or shhh them back to sleep, sometimes it worked, often it didnt but gradually it began to work more! and we have a toddler bed by our bed (ours is a futon so its the same height) and then they would start the night in the toddler bed and then at some point would crawl into bed with us! by the time they were 2-3yrs (depending on the child) they were sleeping most of the night in the toddler bed and then at 3yrs went into their own room wihtout a fuss, but with the occasional return for an early morning feed :)

Same situation here, with a husband who is getting increasingly arsey and wanting a 'timeline' for getting our bed back. Son is 13 months but born 14 weeks early so just on 10m corrected. The idea of getting up 4 times a night to feed him in his own room makes me knackered just thinking about it, but because he's still such a titch I don't feel comfortable night weaning him. I was hoping there was a magic solution but at least this thread makes me realise I'm not alone .

Like SilentBoob, I've started saying to DD 2.8 that when she's 3 there won't be any more mummy milk and she seems to be okay with this. It does mean that for now, if I try to say no, she says "I'm still having it when I'm 2" We'll see what happens when we get there, my contingency plan is if she is really upset then I'll feed at bedtime but will not be doing it in the night or day from then.

I had this grand plan to stop mornings for a few months, then afternoons etc in the year from 2-3 but soon went back to whenever when ill/teething/bumped head. And every few months I lose it with being woken up and think right, nightweaning from next month, but never have the heart as she's so attached to it still. Just thinking that I can stop is usually enough to keep me going if you see what I mean.

She starts the night in her bed and wakes up calling for me about 11/12, then wakes up once more (usually, sometimes twice), nurses back to sleep. When I look back, this time last year she would wake at 8.30/9 in the evening so it's gradually got longer and she's slept through 2 or 3 times in the last 3 months. The change to longer sleeps is just much longer than I anticipated.

Argh, it's all getting worse not better here with sleep! Taking ages to get ds to sleep as well as all the night wakings.
Dh and grandparents all think I'm mad for not doing CC. I think I've missed the boat though, if left in his cot he cries, climbs out of cot, walks across room in sleeping bag and opens door looking for me. How would cc work?! MIL suggests I lock the door and leave him
Hmm I see another thread on sleep consultants, I think I'll have a look.

zoidberg thats exactly what mine did they gradually started sleeping longer from when they first went donw and like you i was pleased of getting the evening andthen it got to be they wouldnt wake till 1am then 2am and eventuall they would go through till 5am ish and then 6am, so they do get there eventually, i could never cope with hearing them cry tho so took the easy route but they all got their in the end!

weasle when mine were older i did feed them till sleepy and then lay with them whilst they went to sleep, they woud sometiems cry but i explained i was there but they had had milk and they could go to sleep without it, if he is climbing out of his cot you need to put him in a bed, i would put him in a bed and a stairgate on his door and then try gradual retreat, feed, then sit and pat and shushh utnil asleep aand gradually work so that you are sitting on the floor and then near the door etc, it istn a quick fix but means they learn to sleep with security and they will get there, you cant lock the door!

weasle sorry things are getting worse for you :( . How old is your DS?

We seem to have regressed here as well. It could be down to this humdinger of a cold he's got but I think he's also just in one of those phases where everything seems to go backwards. Before Christmas I could get him to sleep in the cot as long as I could get up to BF 3-4 times a night - now after the first wake he's up twice an hour unless I bring him into bed so I have given up trying to sort it for now.

I like zoidberg's and 4madboys' gradual approach but I don't know if DH has the patience for that. My problem is I oscillate between wanting to make a change (after a night of being clambered all over and kicked and constant nursing) and thinking we're better off leaving things as they are (after a night of sleeping not more than 40mins at a time due to trying to insist on DS staying in cot).

I have not ruled out CC but not keen on it and feel it's way too cruel to go straight to that from co-sleeping and BFing. But even when we are not thwarted by illness I find it soooo hard to sustain the exhaustion of trying to change things slowly that I always end up back at square one.

No I'm not about to lock door don't worry! I couldn't find a face before!
We're back to only 2 hours sleep in the evening, was doing 4 or 5 before Xmas.

I did gradual retreat with ds2 but he was nearly 3. Ds3 doesn't understand he just screams for milk! DH is there now trying to settle him but I'll probably give in after an hour and bf him to sleep again. All night. Again!

2nd destiny ds3 is 19 months.
Similar to you, he will not go in cot awake since Xmas day. Great present! Before I could pat him to sleep at bedtime for the last month but not now.
I swing between wanting to get rid of cot totally ( I sleep on mattress on floor in his room with him at night from first waking) and thinking of CC or sleep consultant!

I hope your night better.

Am in such a similar situation weasle, tonight I had to BF him back to sleep after 1 hour and he was also doing 4 hours or so in the evening for months before xmas. Do you think our DS's got together and shared tips on maximising boob time/ making sure mum gets no sleep?

not sure my DS is quite old enough to 'get' gradual retreat yet either (but willing to try)

we crossed posts
better try to grab some sleep while I can...