8 yr old insomniac?! How can I help her go to sleep so we can have an evening to ourselves?!

[moretolife]

My dd is 8, she's always slept well once she's gone off to sleep, but more & more she just cannot get to sleep. She's still awake at 1030/11pm when I'm ready to go to bed! she stays in her room from bedtime, about 8pm, reading, singing etc,& its lights out at 9.30, but she genuinely cannot settle to sleep. she cant switch off. Its not that she doesnt need the sleep - she definitely does, and lies in till 8.30/9am in holidays, & she is tired. Her bedroom is next to ours, and a bit of privacy after she's gone to sleep would be v welcome, if you get my drift, but she's wide awake all evening & our house is v small & the walls are thin!!! We've tried getting her to bed, tried getting her to bed later, she has a bath/warm milk/into bed routine, so i dont know why she's still so awake at 1030pm. she doesn;t drink sugary drinks or have lots of sweets, so it cant be sugar keeping her awake. Any ideas??

'tried getting her to bed earlier, tried getting her to bed later' that should say - sorry, lack of sleep/sex affecting my typing skills

My dd1 is like that, finds it very hard to switch off. I know she is often still awake at 9.30ish (she came out of her room the other day at that time to say that she had forgotten to water her crocuses, bless).

We have a set routine similar to yours - read a story to her and dd2 at 7.15pm, dd2 goes to bed at 7.30pm, dd1 then reads in her bed until 8pm when lights go out. Dh both go and say goodnight to her and suggest something for her to think about while she settles down - eg imagine you are a fox cub living in a den, playing with your brothers, etc... seems to help her to settle down. She is not allowed out of her room except to go to the toilet, and not allowed to sing/talk etc. She still takes a while to settle but seems happy with that arrangement.

Sorry, that wasn't much help really - just to let you know you are not alone!

Hi miaou - know what you mean! How old is your dd1? I've got friends with more 3/4 kids who have evenings to themselves because all the kids go to bed & sleep by 9! they cant understand why DH & I never get to sit & talk to each other of an evening! Dd reads in bed, like i said, and often calls me in to show me something she's read or ask me a word or something like that, and she's not being naughty or anything, so I'd feel mean saying No, i'm not coming up.Or, like yours & her crocusses, she gets up because she 'has to do something' , part of a game,or whatever. All i want her to do is go to sleep at a reasonable time, & before we do!!

Moretolife

She won't go to sleep if she can keep calling you to talk to her, or can get up to do something she's forgotten.

Once she is in bed, impose a time after which she can't chat, get up or anything else. Surely at 8 she's old enough to understand a rule like this.

Chances are she'll go to sleep out of boredom, if nothing else.

She's 8 too moretolife! We found that making a strong definition (that's not the right word but I'm fighting a virus atm and feeling very groggy) between "awake time", "rest time" and "sleep time" was important for her. "Rest time" means lying in her bed reading quietly to herself, and generally something she has read before (otherwise she gets overexcited about what is going to happen next ). She has to have done all her jobs first - teeth, toilet, drink, pyjamas on etc - anything else has to wait until the next day (I made an exception for the crocuses cos they were very dry, but I watered them while she stayed in bed!). "Sleep time" means lights off, bedroom door shut, no getting out except for the toilet, sorry repeating myself here. She's very quiet and so the chatting etc isn't really a problem, but it can be with dd2 - we just use the broken record technique - "It is sleep time now and any discussion can wait until the morning" - as getting into conversation just gets their brains going again!

Hope you can make some sense out of this muddle - think I should be in bed rather than on here really!

My dd finds it hard to switch her brain off at night after reading her school book, spellings, etc etc! She now listens to story CDs from the library and is asleep in minutes. She's almost 7 BTW.

Miaou - I am going to try your different 'times' & bring up the idea of a 'rest time' before sleep time. will let you know how it goes!

Keep me posted moretolife - hope it works for you!

I have one of those as well. I hate reading about 8 year olds who are in bed asleep at 7.30! I have 2 older kids (14 and 12) who she is scared to sleep before. The crocus watering is exactly her kind of thing. We also have to discuss household security, anything strange which she has been thinking, and philosophical issues like where does the bit go that was under the scissors when you cut paper. Plus toilet trips, water, poo ... Recently we have been doing a relaxation thing starting with toes and working up to hair, saying 'toes - stretch and relax.' This now includes items such as tummy button, bingo wings, armpits to prolong it, but seems to have helped a bit!

This is going to seem like an odd suggestion

Both my children have trouble switching off, and I find giving them a massage while they are in bed really works for them.

Lights must be out, and not go back on again afterwards! No talking or chatting, and eyes must be shut throughout!

They can choose between, back, legs and head massages. I usually spend about 5-10 minutes massaging them, and they drop off very quickly afterwards.

In fact, it is so successful that I'm going to look for a one day course on massage techniques so that I get better at doing it

soapbox - great idea! I do a similar thing with my two but with their feet! They both love having a foot massage after their bath (with my delicious Body Shop Spa Wisdom foot cream!)and I find they are all nice and relaxed afterwards ready for sleep.

BTW - can you make the greenwich meetup next Tuesday 12.30 or are you working? Would be nice to meet again and have a proper chat!