What an amazing amount of helpful comments - it's like having a lovely extended family. How we women have missed out on that, especially ones, like me, who have changed countries.
Last night was a revelation. A lot of what everyone said was common sense, but sometimes, I think, when I am in the middle of something, it's a bit 'woods for treesish'
I did remove DH from the equation, football was on so after initially feeling a bit like he was getting 'blamed', he had a quick cuddle with DS2 on the sofa and then DS2 showered, got into bed with his book and I sat with him for 10 minutes.
Oh, BTW, had a chat with DS2 and he said he was scared of people breaking into the house and getting him.
Last week we had a night of crime in our road where our sheds were broken into, as were all the sheds in the streets and a few cars, and I was saying how bold the thieves were to climb over our quite high gate to get into the garden. so I think the thought of intruders must have been playing on DS2's mind and I didn't realise.
Anyway, we read for 10 minutes, then I did some chores while DS2 read for 20 minutes, then lights off, with the proviso that he could put his light on during the night if needed and come and get me although we would be going back to his bed and I would only sit with him for 10 minutes.
He didn't want to listen to the audiobook, and although he called to me a couple of times, I just stuck my head in and said I was just finishing up a couple of things and he should try and sleep.
Went back after an hour - sound asleep and didn't come through during the night. This morning he said he had woken up but didn't want to wake me so went back to sleep on his own.
THank you all you wonderful MNers. I feel like the fog had lifted and i can see a path to a good night routine for all.