if you stayed with your toddler until they slept and then stopped, how did you do it?

[otchayaniye]

Just looking for some advice.

Three year old is resistant to either of us leaving the room before she's asleep. We used to co sleep and feed to sleeo until she was 22 months when she went in her room and slept through.

Since her sister was born 4 months ago (she's much easier!)

Why not just say 'good night' and leave the room? we've tried and it ends badly -- we have a small flat, she just gets up and then the process takes much longer and takes even more time. and we end up in a bad mood. so we've gone with the easiest-at-the-time option, which is to stay. Long bedtime routine, loads of stories, and on a good night she'll be asleep in ten. a bad night (tonight, husband out to night shift and she's awake in bed chatting to herself, about to get up)

in some ways i don't hate it as it's nice quiet time at the end of a busy day with two children. And I like her getting in to our bed (every night at some point since daughter was born). But i think now the dust has settled (and she's been great with her sister) and she looks forward to school next year I should get her to a position where she can fall asleep alone.

Oh, she has a night light which I think is a bit bright and protests when we turn it off. But I should, right?

Thanks in advance

meant to say 'since her sister was born she's taking longer to go to bed (husband who is part time sahd like me usually does it now). and she comes in our bed at some point. I guess she wants more of us since her sister was born.

I'm puttin her back gently in her room each time she comes out but not talking, but it's been 6 times. Do I just keep this up?

Hi there, yes, I would keep putting her back in her bed and not talking each time. It might take lots of times, but she'll get the gist. You sound like a lovely mother.

We did it by moving a bit further away each week. So, for example sit on a chair near the bed every night for a week. Then move the chair further away. Then stand by the door. Then stand outside the door. Etc. We are still at the stand outside the door stage, but at least it means that I can read a book or do something instead of just sitting on the bed in the dark.

I'd invest in a night light with a dimmer function so you can gradually take it down over a period of weeks - sleeping in the light is not great for longterm health, but maybe wait until you've addressed the main getting to sleep problem by the other excellent suggestions.

story cd's, music, radio, promise to keep popping back and doing so, flitting around (quietly) tidying etc so she knows that you are there. We did all of these and I couldn't tell you exactly when it changed, but it did!

thanks. I'm making icecream to stop me getting annoyed and have put her back a few more times with no chatting. wish me luck!

whoa, she did it. she did come out about 15 times and mostly I didn't speak but in the end explained and acted out some stupid nonsense about sleep.

hopefully we can keep this up. I don't know, felt like the time to nudge her a bit more to independence in sleep and with a new baby we both feel the need for some time to ourselves a bit more.

will her coming into our bed scupper this? don't have the energy with nightfeedings/co-sleeping little one to get up. and it's not the sharing a bed i mind, it's the protracted bed times

thanks for your advice. will look into a dimmer light

Have you read the No-Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers & preschoolers? Quite a few ideas there.

I don't think coming into bed part way through the night will make any difference.

How did you manage to get her not needing bf to go to sleep? DS is 24 m.o. and I still can't imagine him not needing either bf or rocking to go to sleep.

angels, yes, i have the baby and the toddler ones!

with the bfeedign to sleep it took a bit of explaining, then gentle reassurance and lying with her until she fell asleep. yes, there were tears it wasn't horrendous, and as you can tell i'm a softee. but it didn't feel that bad as i was comforting her.

i rationalised it in my head as if i'd had to suddenly stop bf for a medical reason. what would she do then? she'd cope of course. and i wasn't stopping feeding her (she weirdly stopped bfeeding when her sister was born) just wasn't feeding her to sleep. it was beginning to do my head in. sometimes feeding for an hour and a half....

scuse crappy ipad spellling

Ah, that makes sense.

I don't think we could persuade DS to stay in bed if we didn't rock/feed!

I don't mind helping him sleep at the moment as it's fairly quick (probably quicker than it would be if he self-settled with me sitting there) but I can see the time coming when I might want to change things e.g. if I get pg again.