All I want for Christmas is a full night's sleep

[JenniferYellowHatsRedLingerie]

DD is 16 weeks old.
Every morning, she wakes between 3 and 4am. She can be shushed back to sleep, usually with her dummy, but then wakes every 10 or 20 minutes until at least 5, when she'll go back down for an hour, then wakes again, and will go back down for an hour. At 7, we get up for her breakfast.
She isn't hungry - I stopped feeding her in the night at 11 weeks as it was just meaning she wasn't taking her full bottle at 7am (or taking her bottle at all). She's in her own room and has been for a week as she doesn't fit in her Moses basket anymore; she sleeps in her cot absolutely fine for all her naps when we're at home in the day and when she goes to bed in the evening.
Her rough routine (which looks very Gina, but she did it herself!) is 7-7.30am wakes, bottle; plays till 9am; nap till 10am; bottle at 10.30/11am; plays till 12; nap for 45 mins; bottle at 2.30/3pm; nap from 3-4.30pm; bath/bottle/bedtime routine from 6pm; goes down with no fuss at 7pm; maybe wakes as she's lost her dummy 45 minutes in; bottle at 11/11.30 when we go to bed and goes back down with no fuss again. (Today however, I actually got her to take a 2 hour nap at lunchtime and a 30 minute nap 4.10pm-4.40pm).
She's nearly 16lb (was 91st centile at birth and is tracking that line exactly), and is having 32-40oz of milk per day (she's offered 8oz every bottle, usually drinks 6-7oz of it, except at her bedtime when she's having 9-11oz!)
I haven't had more than 3 hours sleep in a row since I was 3 months pregnant, and I'm ZOMBIE tired. Getting up to shush her back to sleep from 3am every 10 minutes is killing me (regardless of whether she was in her basket in our room or now I have to leave the bed to go to her room). If I cave and bring her into our bed, she sleeps slightly better, but probably wakes every 20-30 minutes until 5am; I can't sleep with her in there though as I'm paranoid about her suffocating on a pillow, and she likes to sleep right up next to my shoulder, which pushes me across the bed onto DH's side and I have no space.
She has slept through once, when she was 9 weeks old. Some nights she will go until 5am before she wakes, but more often than not it's 3.30-4am.
DH is off for two weeks from this Friday, so we thought while we're both here and can support each other in the night we'd try something to get her to sleep through - the question is what?

16 weeks is often the worst stage for sleep - have you heard of the 16 week growth spurt? If I were you I would give her a bottle at 3am when she wakes, and see if that helps. They are often hungrier at 16 weeks than ever before. I know this is hard to hear (believe me, I have been there), but there's not much point in trying to sleep train at this point. It will just cause you extra pain. Just wait it out for a couple of weeks. Sorry!

Will she take milk at 3am if you offer it? If so I would also just give a bottle.

It could be the start of teething keeping her awake. By DD had teeth by 5 months.

Oh poor you, I am/was/sometimes am in the same situation - there is something called 4 month regression - my dd was getting better at sleeping but then at 16 weeks it went all down hill and has only recently got better, she is 28 weeks now and the last two weeks my partner and I decided it was time to try and do something about it. He had a week off work so its good you have the same support. there are so many different methods out there and you have to research which one you feel comfortable and ready to do. i was beside myself with tiredness as my dd was waking every 2-3 hours, I did co-sleep for a whle as this was the only way she would go a bit longer and I BF so it was easy for me to just latch her on there and then. But this made the "sleep training" harder as she had to get used to her cot aswell as get used to settling herself. You are very lucky she takes naps in her cot - i still cant get mine to do that!
I have read 5 differnt books - yes one was gina, but binned that one right away, the baby whisper seemed more me but it was a bit confusing and picking up putting down was very hard, it seemed to upset her more, i then read the no cry sleep solution, which is truly lovely but very slow and I was just too tired to implement this method over time, I then read another method about comforting baby but moving away - again a slow method and a bit confusing. the final book I read was the sleep sensation alison scott wright, there are mixed opinions - as there are with all methods, but this one has really worked. its clear and simple and made sense to me. the message to baby is just one simple message : its sleepy time", so not confusing for her or us! The first night was the hardest but I was also going cold turkey on the feeding and co sleeping so at lest you wont have to do this.
you do have to take away dummies, music etc, but this seemed to work as my dd was getting distracted by the lullaby and night light we had on for her. you then just go in when her cry reches a certain level and say "sleepy time" its not as horrid as cry it out as there is no set time, you go to her when you feel she needs comfort. - i hope Im not doing anything wrong b promoting this sllep method! But do remember you must do what feels right for you so maybe reseach other ideas too. we were up the first night at 9.30pm, 11pm, 1.30am, 3.30am, 4.30am, and up for the day at 5.45 as couldnt do any more! each time we went in said the "sleepy time" to her, sometimes we had to go in 12-18 times, it was tough not picking her up - although it does say you can do this - its not really regimented! seeing her crying was hard but we were there to comfort her and she did go back to sleep. the second night she slept from 7pm till 4am, we went in said "sleepy time" then she went back to sleep after 3 times saying it, the last two weeks have been pretty similar, just one waking. there was one night she woke 3 times but in the grand sceme of things its soooo much better - sorry for such a long post - but i really know how you are feeling and I also needed help so hope you will find something in this rambling meeage that is helpful. and i hope I havent breached any mumsnet terms! good luck.

Thanks ladies :) she doesn't seem hungry when she wakes, she's not sucking her fingers or anything. Usually just a big beaming smile and her arms flailing round everywhere!
People have been saying to me since she was 5 weeks, is she teething? - she may very well be (hands in mouth all the time, drooling like nothing on earth) but I can't see or feel anything in her gums, teething gel doesn't do anything. I know they can take months to come through anyway.
She's always had this pattern of wakefulness from 4am, she doesn't cry (surely if she was that hungry she'd cry?), she just messes about and grunts and gurgles, then as she's bored/being ignored she starts to cry but it's her tired cry, not her hungry cry iyswim.

Thank you dinksdoes :) I haven't heard of that book. I'll look it up. I really don't want to do controlled crying or anything, I think she's too little for that yet; but some nights I have had some success with saying to her "it's time to sleep now poppet" and she's gone right off, so there's something in that!

yes I really didnt want to do controlled crying and this book really isnt as harsh as that, but maybe you just need to ride it out for a bit. I wasnt ready to do anything till dd was 6 months old, i was exhasted, very emotional with tiredness and unable to function so by the time she was 6 months i was ready to do the method in this book. we have seen amazing results. when she wakes ( which is now only once, compared to 3 + ) DP just goes to her and says "sleepytime" and she goes back off. it may not work for everyone, and it does envolve some tears but from what i have heard unless you are prepared to ride it out untill baby decides she will sleep all night then sometimes it will envolve a bit of crying, its just up to you how to deal with it. things are constatly changing though and it will get better over time - people where always saying that to me but when you are beside yourself with tiredness you cant see it, now im not so tired i can see that. Im sure when i go back to work in two weeks things will change and when she teeths thing will change, then we will have other worries as they get bigger! We are all in the same boat! x

I wouldnt feed her,i did this with dd at the 4 month regression and was still doing it a month ago at 9months sometimes 3 times.Dh did his own version of cc,mainly cos he was fed up with having a tired raging fishwife for a wife.He did a sort of shsh pat with a pick up if she was really upset and it worked in about 4-5 days.Much better now.She was drinking so much n the night she hardly ate in the day.Im still tired even though its been better for a couple of weeks,it takes so long to catch up.

Oh, poor you. I remember how that feels. Only thing I can suggest is that you get yourself off to bed at 7.00pm when she settles (I'm serious) so that you can get some sleep under your belt before the 11pm feed. You won't get 8 hours non-stop, but for the next few weeks it may help you to get a few hours in the evenings. I did this when DD was a baby, as had been totally zombie-like with DS and didn't want a repeat. You just have to forget about the existence of eveings for a while.
Is there anyone that could look after your baby overnight for you for a few nights, to give you a break? Your mum or MIL maybe?