Help? Have we taught our 14mo bad sleep habits?

[Flyingoutofcontrol]

Please help us (this is quite a long post, but I'm quite worried and want to get all the info out.) DS is 14mo, nearly 15mo. He's not a bad sleeper compared to some of the posts on here, but I am a bit concerned that we have "taught" him bad habits.

As background, our house is not conventionally laid out, with the master suite downstairs and DS's room upstairs which is not ideal. Also, I was taken into hospital twice in the last few months for about a week each time. As DS was quite disturbed by my absence, and DH is a very heavy sleeper, DH started sleeping with DS in DS's room on a futon mattress.

DS wakes at 6-7am and will go down for his nap (only 1 a day) between 9-10am. He naps for about an hour, then wakes and won't go back to sleep unless I lie on the floor beside him. He will then sleep for up to another 2 hours, but wakes and screams if I move and will not go back in the cot.

In the evening, he has a set routine and settles himself with only a token protest (about 6.30-7.30pm depending on how awake he is). He then squawks at about 9pm but will settle himself with a pat from us. However at 3am(ish) he wakes and refuses to go back to sleep unless (as per his nap) someone is with him. No amount of patting/leaving works and at 3am I'm too tired to do anything but give in (it's usually me as DH works so I can always chill but he can't).

I really miss my own bed, and the floor/futon mattress is killing my back. I could cope with having to pat him and then going back to my own bed, but as it is, I don't get much quality sleep after this 3am waking.

We've thought about taking the side off his cot bed, but as we're downstairs, we want to leave it as long as possible for safety, although he's got a gate on his room.

If you've got this far, thank you! Hopefully you have some advice for me!

I think he is probably massively overtired from only have one sleep early in the day. This would explain the squawking at 9pm - classic sign of being overtired.

If you encourage him to have a second nap in the day, is he better at night? It's not easy to judge this on a one night only basis, so perhaps you could do it for a week or ten days and see if his nights improve? Am assuming also that you've ruled out hunger?

Nope. He's definitely dropped his afternoon nap. He screams blue murder if even put in the vicinity of the cot and won't nap on/beside me either.

I don't think it's overtiredness that's waking him at nine - more that at this point DH and I stop moving about and chill in front of the TV/read/fall asleep on the sofa. It's not really this wake that worries me as he will settle in his cot with a pat - it's the 3am job!

Think we will have to just let him scream with reassurance - maybe start at a weekend so that DH can take over during the day. Won't be before Xmas though as he's just starting anitbiotics for a chest infection

New years resolution for me I think - but I'm a bit overwhelmed by all the options. So any advice on a good 3am method for self settling appreciated!

Oh and yes, not hunger as at waking in the morning he has some water but doesn't ask for breakfast immediately.

I have to say I completely agree with loveisagirlnameddaisy that his only nap of the day is too early & this sounds like he may be overtired. My DS also wakes at 9pmish & is always restless in the early hours of the morning if OT.

So if you can get him back down after an hour (by laying in his room) at his AM nap he sleeps an additional 2hrs so 3 in total??? That's quite a hefty nap. So there's no wonder he won't take another nap during the day, as he's probably not tired enough when you try to put him down.

Now there's 2 things you could do which I think may help you:

1. gradually cut back the AM nap every few days so eventually it becomes a much shorter nap of say 30mins, which will mean he will need to take a PM nap.

2. or if you think the 2 nap boat has well & truly sailed, try pushing that 1 nap out gradually by 15mins every few days/week until its around midday. This will make his day more balanced & hopefully stop any overtiredness at bedtime.

After doing 2) above, if he continues to nap for 3hrs & you still get night wakings where he wants to play & won't be resettled then I would start to cut the nap back a wee bit as its quite a lot of day sleep for his age. Maybe try 2.5hrs to start with.

Like Omama and Loveisagirlnameddaisy, I agree his first nap is definitely too early. It may be overtiring him but apart from anything else the reason it is so early is because he's getting up at 3AM, so of course he's tired at 9 - his body clock is out of whack.

According to the sleep book everyone swears by here in Germany, an average child this age needs to sleep about 10 hours at night and perhaps 2 during the day, usually in one nap at lunchtime. He is napping too much during the day - 3 hours, when you lie next to him. He is waking after nearly nine hours sleep in the night, which makes sense when you think about his three-hour, early nap - it's the same amount of sleep as if he would sleep from 8-6 and 12-2.

If it were me, I would choose Omama's 2nd option, pushing his nap later so it eventually becomes a lunchtime nap. I would also at the same time set his bedtime at 730, always (seeing as he can often make 730 of his own accord, this should be OK for him?), which will help him to start waking later, and help with the later napping. I would wake him from his nap after 2 hours and not allow him to sleep any more until bedtime.

He will be tired and grumpy at first and you will have to get up very early for a couple of weeks, but you are more or less doing that anyway. And you need to give this two or three weeks to work - don't give up after five days.

Once his day nap settles down, you may find a 730 bedtime means a 530 wakeup - my DD is like an alarm clock in this respect. So she goes to bed at 8, to get up at 6...you get the idea.

From what you say about how he is happy to self-settle if he is tired, I don't think the main issue is you being in the room, I would have had DH sleep with him too in that situation. I think it's the timings. So I would also feel fine about being firm about giving him a reassuring pat and leaving the room during "sleeping hours". Where I would meet him half-way is by getting up very early (330, 4, 430, 5...) until he's adjusted. You could try half an hour of saying "not time to get up yet, darling" and leaving to encourage him to sleep later, although I've no experience of whether that works or not. But keeping him in bed when he cannot be expected to sleep because he's already had all the sleep he can for that day will not help.

You might need to do all this shifting a bit more gently than I've suggested according to how easy your DS finds it but you know your boy so you can judge that - this is the gist of what I'd do, anyway.

HTH and good luck

Totally agree with the posts. His nap is too early and the day is unbalanced. He is overtired come bedtime and does not settle well at night. It's a timing issue.
With a little dedication his nap can be moved to mid-day and he should sleep better at night.