what are the negatives of Controlled Crying (other than the obvious!)

[BibBabBob]

We're getting desperate- DS is 6 months old and currently waking every 1-2 hours for a little suckle to help him get back to sleep. He's now on 3 meals a days so can't be hunger. No other health issues as far as I'm aware. He just seems to need me to help him fall back to sleep. I really don't want to do it but we're considering CC. May sound like a daft question but other than being horrible for all 3 of us what are the negatives? We obviously won't let him come to any physical harm but will he be mentally scared forever? Does anyone know of any research that suggests is bad for child?

Yes, sorry, there is plenty of research to show it could be harmful. Have a read here . Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, however good for you for doing the research before trying something new. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? A very gentle and child-centred way to encourage sleeping.

This phase may pass quite quickly, they are growing fast at 6 months and reaching a lot of developmental milestones which can disrupt sleep IME, plus teeth are on their way. It could be a case of just gritting your teeth and helping him get back to sleep while he needs it during this stage, while making sure you don't go mad from lack of sleep yourself. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing, if you are worried about that, it's fine to let him breastfeed back to sleep, as long as you are happy with doing it for now. He is still very young in the grand scheme of things. Hope it works out soon.

Franny that was a really reassuring article. BBB, my ds is 9mths, has never slept through and always needs bf to get him back to sleep when he wakes in the night. He goes through phases of waking every 1-2 hrs and there are phases of it being much less frequent. As much as I would love a good night's sleep I just couldn't go down the CC route. Really don't think it's fair when they don't have a clue what's going on. How do you feel about co-sleeping? I think that has got to be a serious alternative if you want some sleep! I really wasn't keen on the idea at first, was too worried about one of us squashing him when he was little. But now I reckon he's big enough to look after himself in our bed so ds usually comes in to us in the early hours after starting off the evening in his cot. It's tough the night waking when eveyone else's baby seems to sleep through, but they have to grow out of it sometime. Don't they?!

controlled crying is not the only option. Have you considered the Babywhisperer Pick up/Put down method?

You can find more info and forums on the Babywhisperer website

Although CC might work at this young age, I also feel that it is very unfair for a baby, as they don't understand cause and effect properly yet. I only did CC with my DS1 (I have 3) at the age of 16 months or so, when going to bed as he wouldn't stay in (not for waking at night). That was also very stressful, and it worked for a few months. After that we didn't CC, but just brought him to bed without saying much, each time he came out, but then he was like 22 months or so, so understood cause and effect, being naughty etc. Baby's of 6 months are never naughty, they just have needs, even if you don't understand them, so I feel it would be unfair to use such a punishing method. And you know, at this age they change so often and quickly, in a few weeks time it might have changed. Btw, I also have DS3 who is 7 months, and feeds occasionally every 2 hours at night, but as Tattie also suggests, I co-sleep and it doesn't bother me one bit. DH even sleeps right through it all, because DS3 doesn't have to cry to get a feed. DS3 only has to stir and I half and half wake up to check whether he needs a feed. (you don't become wide awake for feeding when co-sleeping, it's so easy). Goodluck!

Having read the artical from F&Z I have come to the conclusion that I will NOT be going down the CC front. I would much rather have dd feeling secure knowing that dh or me would go to her and, if necessary, take her into our bed. It makes me upset just thinking of her feeling scared and frightened. I suppose it's a case of putting up and shutting up .

I knew I would never do CC or rapid return until DS was at least 2 - in other words, when he was able to talk and understand what was going on, when all of his teeth have erupted, the vaccination schedule is finished and when the bulk of separation anxiety is over. Also, at 2 years old a child's sleep patterns more resemble those of an adult.

Interestingly, you never see child psychologists recommending CC below 18 months.

DS has always been a rubbish sleeper but it got bloody awful whe he started to walk. I had always been able to settle him with booby and return him to his own cot, but in the last month we've mostly had him in bed with us. It works for us, as I made DH go out and buy a cheap Ikea super-king size bed .

When I've had a really, really crap night I always look at that Australian article and reassure myself that I'm doing the right thing.

Highlander, totally agree with you. They say not to do CC if your child is teething, ill, etc.. Well at this age they are always teething aren't they?!! And you can never be sure your child isn't hungry/thirsty/coming down with something. CC may work, but it just seems to be about getting the child to fit into parents' expectations of how babies should sleep. IMO doesn't really take the child's needs into account or the fact that it is normal for babies to wake and want booby in the middle of the night. I'm all for disciplining my child, but when he is old enough to understand what is going on.

Up until 3 months ago I woudl have said it was fine. But i now have a 9 month old who won't sleep well at night.

CC isn't an option as far as I can see because firstly he's a very fussy eater and more often than not he is hungry at 3am and secondly he thrashes around in the cot so much he get shystericla and can hurt himself even in 2 minutes!

Personally I'm sick of beign told I've done the wrong htings by everybody. The strict lot say that because when he got hysterical screaming fits at 3am because he couldn't breathe I took him into my bed to calm him down he now has a sleep association. The relaxed mob say i am cruel and heartless for even wanting him to sleep through the night

btw he did used to sleep 7-7!

they grow out of it evenyually so why stress yourself out?!!

aunty mandy - because I get baout 4 hrs sleep a night at the moment which I cna't survive on and I also work f/t and need to have a clear head to do that and not get fired!

you wanted a negative opinion!

I couldn't do cc either, but try pick up/ put down. Honest, it works. Took me a week and a half to get anywhere. What I found best was to talk to him, explaining why I was doing it and keeping very calm and warm about it - I know this breaks all the advice, but he got hysterical if I just ignored eye contact, etc. Probably took longer, but it felt right to me and anyway, it worked and now we've got to some semblance of sleep. DS was waking up every 2 hours. Now he still wakes, but more often than not just once a night and I hardly ever have to do more than let him have a drink and then he drops back off - I don't ever even have to pick him up. He's loads happier and so are we. It's made me human again - I never felt I'd feel that way ever again..!

Thanks guys. Have been totally put off CC and am going to try pu/pd a try- though will probably wait til next week now. Finger crossed.

CC will NEVER be an option for us. The neighbours would have us evicted.

Cranial osteopathy?

I have a DD who is showing signs of being unable to settle. At all. Have gotten some recommendations for cranial osteopath who can help.

No negatives! It worked a treat for two of my three, no long or short terms problems just happy families aaaaaaalllll the way and, first time round, a feeling of "why the hell did we not do that sooner".

It all depends what the stakes are.

I've used a cranio sacral specialising osteopath too and it was really helpful for colic.

how much does osteopath cost roughly someone suggested it to me for my dd

You work full time - I think your ds is waking in the night to spend some time cuddling mum. However you have needs too (sleep mostly at this stage).

The No Cry Sleep solution was reassuring for me, and Dr Sears has realised that not everyone can stay at home and co-sleep with their children 24/7 and the new sleep book is more respectful of people having other commitments besides a baby.

The baby learns to give up asking for what he wants it life and assumes he won't get it anyway so why bother trying. That's my biggest worry. I don't want to have one of those 'good' babies who ask nothing of you.

Of course there's a balance to be had, however.

My baby will soon be one and is still feeding once or twice in the night. Usually once now.

lol spider - DS1 certianly never gave up asking for what he wanted - he's 5 1/2 now and never stops asking for things (doesn't always get them mind ). If you tell a child they can't touch the hot iron, and tell them repeatedly they're not allowed to touch it - it doesn't stop them asking for other things - does it?

If a baby cries and nothing happens, he'll soon stop bothering to cry.

really?? It didn't stop DS1 (who was 6 months when we did it) crying for other things - which of course he got.

SM, I had one of those good babis that never asked anything of me, even though we co-slept until he was 6 months old and I did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted until he was about 15 months old! Some babies are just born like that IMHO.

and anyhow if CC is done properly then 'something' does happen - mummy/daddy comes back to reassure them. DS1 was waking every hour for an hour long feed (in our bed). The first night we did CC in his cot - once he'd gone off to sleep he only stirred once - not even long enough for me to get out of bed! 2nd night went off really quickly, again didn't wake, 3rd night the same. Has been an excellent sleeper, and a very happy and well adjusted little boy ever since.

The change in him during the day was enormous, whereas previously he'd had very little sleep at night - and had been grumpy and whingy, he turned into a 'normal' and sociable little boy who was much easier to cope with. Of course he still cried during the day - and there were of course times he'd wake in the night, but on those rare occasions we knew he needed something because it wasn't habit for him - and he always got it - whether it was calpol because he was teething/ill, milk/juice (wouldn't touch water) because he was thirsty) and just a quick reassurance from us.

DS2 on the other hand has slept like a dream since he was a few weeks old, and, like Colditz's DS, rarely asks for anything - I almost forgot he was there some days !