Blacking out due to lack of sleep!

[Aloha31]

My lovely daughter is 6mo and after a couple of weeks slept so well, settling at 7ish and waking 2 ish and 5 ish, then stretching naturally to one feed at 3, sleeping again very quickly until 7. Until 3 months when everything changed! HELLish hourly waking. Teething, then 4 month sleep regression, then goodness knows what.

She was breastfed but now am weaning her off it now as I return to work soon. She takes solids brilliantly. She naps ok in the day - 2 catnaps and one sleep, maybe 3 hours in total. The dreamfeed never worked for her, and didn't seem to need it at first anyway. Since 3 months every fortnight is just hell, with waking frequently. Then things get a bit better, then awful again. She slept through once a couple of months ago and after that naturally night-weaned (if she woke I would settle her with hand on tummy and she would sleep immediately and wake at 7 not all that starving for her morning feed). At times, however, I have tried feeding again through the night but it doesn't make any difference (she will take some but it doesn't settle her nor reduce the frequent waking).

At least she would sleep til 4 ish then be fretful so I at least slept til 4 - even if she slept a bit after that it takes me an hour to get myself back to sleep so I haven't slept beyond 4 for a month. Now, however, she wakes each hour from 1.30 ish and sometimes takes an hour to settle. I have blacked out a couple of times in the night so I can't really do PU/PD (have tried it, and hasn't helped). I have to stick to hand on tummy really.

She has no sleep props (she has taken a dummy though only when teething - she got first teeth early. I have pain relief for when she is teething, and homeopathic stuff - makes no difference). She self settles after a lovely routine at night. We keep the light low, don't talk much, temp is perfect, she has a little comforter, feeding isn't the issue...We both wake up if she cries as our flat is small, so sharing the night duty doesn't help either of us as we're both awake anyway.

All of the sleep techniques advise us to remove props/do other things which we're doing anyway! I would love to enjoy my last few weeks of leave with her but I am simply physically present through the day - I meet all her needs but cannot interact/be myself as am too tired.

PLEASE HELP!

So sorry to hear this - lack of sleep is so awful isn't it. Both my DDs have been tricky sleepers and I'm afraid to say that the only thing that finally got them sleeping through was controlled crying. Obviously I hated doing it, but i had tried everything else and after months of thinking I was at my wits end, I finally got there. With DD1 we did proper controlled crying - going in after 1/2/5/10 mins etc, but with DD2 I decided to be gentler and sat holding her while she cried, when she calmed I put her back in her cot and stroked her. I had to repeat the cc with each of them after periods of illness or teething that had made me sympathetic with the nights, but these were more like 'reminders' and not nearly so painful. With both girls, it only took a couple of nights to get the sleeping under control, and my word it was worth it! I also tried pu/pd with dd2 but to be honest I think it just confused her and made her cry even more.

Only you can decide if cc is right for you.

Good luck, I hope you get some sleep soon.

xx

Do you have more than one room in your flat? Because at this age, if you can share the night shift I think it'd be the easiest solution. Can the person not on night duty sleep in the sitting room with ear plugs? Or even on a camp bed in the kitchen...whatever works.

DD did this at around this age. She got much better of her own accord when she was around 9 months. We managed because I "slept" next to her cot (so I didn't have to get out of bed when settling her) until about 5AM, then DH took over.

Something you haven't mentioned which works brilliantly for many (didn't for us, DD didn't like it) is to take her into your bed, if you can do so safely? I wouldn't worry about Making A Rod etc if I were you - you can change it later if you want to. Personally when I look back I think how much more relaxed I would be about all that stuff...

I would second this - I have 3 DCs and had to leave all of them to sort themselves out (some would call this leaving them to cry) at some point during their babyhood. DS2 was the worst of them and he hadn't slept well for months when eventually I bit the bullet and did cc - I went in every 3 minutes all the way through and just put my hand on him and said shhh and then left. He cried for 2 hours to the minute and then slept throug the next night - leaving me wondering why on earth I hadn't done it before. Also he was a much happier baby as a result of sleeping properly.

I feel for you - there is nothing worse than being desperately tired and knowing that you still aren't going to get a good nights sleep. I hope you are being kind to yourself and at least going to bed early.

Keeps us posted and thinking of you.
xx

sorry Weissbeir posted whilst I was typing - just to confirm I would second WLmum. Taking my babes into bed just resulted in no sleep for anybody!! but you need to do what works for you -= I totally agree with sharing the nights though if you can and DH is willing. My first H was truly hopeless and hugely contributed to my PND as a result of sleep deprivation as he refused to help in any way. Second DH is a marvel and shares 50/50 wth me so I know it is not always possible.

THANK YOU - all really great/practical suggestions. Much appreciated.

I feel ok - She self settled at bed time no worries, as usual. I went to bed at 9ish last night and she slept until 3.30 so I got a decent stretch. After making sure (quietly and without light) there were no other issues and giving her pain relief for teeth I just stroked her tummy - took an hour but she went back to sleep. For an hour! Then I did the same again from 5.30 til 6.30. But she did sleep again and woke just before 7. I left her to it after putting light on so she could wake fully in her own time - she wasn't in any way starving! Full of smiles when she noticed me at 7.15 and came for her feed! S0 at least I can be sure I'm doing the right thing not feeding her (of course I would if she really needed it).

Same again tonight, am on duty then daddy taking over for two nights (hope he sticks to doing the same thing!).

Surely the time it takes to soothe with get less and less? Is this sort of controlled crying? She's never alone (I have tried leaving her for a while but she gets more hysterical). Sounds like what you did with your second WLmum. Not that there's any need to put a 'label' on it anyway, I have seen to every need she may have and am comforting her yet she still cries for an hour so not much else I can do.

I followed my instinct and ideas from NCSS for the first few months so can't use any tips from this book for the last few months' problems as it's what I do anyway. Also co-sleeping doesn't work - she thinks it's time to get up if I do that!

Hmm. we'll see! She is utterly perfect through the day - if we get this cracked would be wonderful. If you're not getting much sleep and are basically unable even to make eye contact with your baby through the day surely that's more damaging psychologically than a couple of evenings of crying? Plus baby not sleeping is really bad for them! Saying that, am still not prepared to CIO - I'd at least want to always be next to her even though I'm not distracting her.

Will keep you posted, sorry for rambling on!

Night 2 - stirred a few times (I think because she didn't have her long lunchtime nap) but woke properly at 3ish again. Took about 45 minutes to get her back to sleep.

She woke around 5 but took hardly any time to get back to sleep.

Up just before 7.

Getting there...? For the past month I've either been up since 4ish or just up most of the night, so this is great.

Sounds like you might be getting there aloha fingers crossed

We did similar to you with DD. A mixture of pick up put down and sitting in her room doing 'shush pat' and gradual retreat. She has had some appalling periods of sleep and looking back I'm not sure how I coped.
She is now 19 months (gosh doesn't time pass!) and is a reasonably good sleeper. She generally sleeps 12 hours, but does wake once every week or so and comes into bed with us.

You will get there!!

Thank you! Not all that hopeful, she wouldn't have any lunch nap today, first time in very many months, yesterday she napped at the usual time just not for long. Today she's had two half hour naps max.

We'll see! Glad you got there in the end kd.

Night 3 - she slept soundly until around three. Chatted to herself, giggled, cried a bit eventually, I patted her tummy every now and again. Took a while then she slept until quarter past seven!
Really pleased. I must have got almost seven hours of sleep! Wow.
Will keep up with the shushh and hand on tummy, seems to have made a huge difference!

Night 4 - same! Little wake up and giggling around three. Needed less intervention to get back to sleep.

See, it is working. Yay. Go you!!

:( Night 5 not great but was off to a good start, dd slept til 4, then sort of talked to herself and grumbled for close to an hour, i settled her and checked every now and again. Then she started getting really upset from five and didn't really settle or sleep again.

Oh well, just a tiny step back but am sure just a one off?

When I first posted I almost wrote about how DD did take steps backwards, but I wasn't sure at the time how helpful/reassuring that would be.

There have been quite a few times where I really thought I was getting there and then she would have a rubbish nights sleep and I'd be gutted and think that was us back to square one, but honestly once she started improving she never went back to her old appalling sleeping stage. So sometimes it was two steps forward and one step back, but we always made overall progress, if you know what I mean.

Of course a bad night is relative and now if she wakes once I count that as bad whereas there was a very very long period where that would have been bliss.

Hope tonight goes better for you.

It did thank you kd!
She slept soundly until 4.40 and then chatted for half an hour before getting fretfull. Managed to get her back to sleep until half six so definitely an improvement! Daddy takes over at seven so we've got a manageable system until she's sleeping through.

It's amazing how you just cope, isn't it? I'm fortunate dd is improving and is only 6mo. I've nothing to complain about really. Huge respect for all mums.

Have you tried cutting down her daytime sleep? 6 months is a classic age when many babies cut back on their need for sleep during the day and if they don't do this themselves (or with help from mum) they make up for it by partying at night. There are hundreds of threads on this sleep forum but hardly anyone seems to suggest that daytime sleep as an issue when poor nighttime sleep is discussed. I don't understand why - unless it's a general attitude thing towards waking a sleeping baby, which I know a lot of people don't do.

Anyway, I struggled with early mornings for a full year until I bought GF's book (ssshhh), adjusted my daughter's daytime naps and my world was transformed. Since 14 months, we've had a child who sleeps 7-7 (at least) with the odd exception when ill or teething. And it required no controlled crying.

Thank you love! I think that's part of it. In general, she sleeps better at night when she's slept well thru the day. However, I've cut her morning nap (she used to stir after forty five minutes and id soothe her back to sleep but now I let her wake naturally. She has one long nap after lunch and maybe another catnap before her dinner, around four. Definitely less than she used to.

Night 7, she slept until after five and was winging until six. When it gets closer to seven she's starting to get hungry so harder to settle, but I don't feed her before six. She's lasting longer and longer without waking. How long did it take you to get your dd sleeping through love?

Night 8 and 9. We're a bit stuck. Dd woke for the first time at 4 then 4.30 respectively these nights. I gave pain relief and she slept for an hour. Then she was up and I couldn't resettle her, so once it got after six I fed her. She won't go back to sleep after feeding.

What I think is happening is as she is waking later and later, it is getting closer to seven so she's starting to feel hungry and won't sleep. If she wakes up around three she'd be resettled and sleep through the first pangs of hunger til seven, iykwim.

So my days are start around five again, although if I go to bed early I do get a great stretch of undisturbed sleep in for six hours, which is great!

Any tips for this obstacle? Should I try the "wake to sleep" thing where I gently wake her at 3.30 in the hope she'll then sleep until seven? Waking between four and six are tricky for her in terms of getting back to a deep enough sleep that she needs. Since this new pattern she's most definitely not herself in the morning, is better after her 9ish catnap.

Thank you!

It took me six weeks of cutting back her daytime sleep (bearing in mind she was on 4 hours a day at a year old!) to start seeing an improvement in her regular 5am wakings. Gradually it stretched out to 6am, then 6.15am, then finally 7am on a regular basis. I have had to keep a close eye on her naps and at just over 2 years old she has dropped all daytime sleep (otherwise we get early mornings). She's fine with it and actually doesn't want her nap at lunchtime although I see her getting tired by 5pm so it's sometimes a juggling act around teatime. This will pass once her body adjusts.

If I were you, I would cut the afternoon nap. How long is her lunchtime nap - that one ideally should be a nice long one, around 2/2.5 hrs? I think cutting the afternoon nap will help with the early morning waking. I appreciate what you're saying about hunger but if that's the case why not just feed her to sleep when she wakes? Getting her back to sleep until 7am is the key, you'll find that once she's sleeping later the feeding isn't an issue anymore (some people worry that feeding to sleep at this time will create another habit, but I don't think so).

Also, are you giving her a dream feed? We dropped ours at 7-8 months when she was fully weaned (three meals a day, eating meat etc).

love thank you. Yesterday she had an hour at 9 and two hours at lunch so we skipped the afternoon nap. Re the feeding, she's been night weaned (didn't force this, she gradually went from two, to one to no feeds between 7-7) for about two months. On occasions I tried to feed her to see if she'd then settled for rest of the night or if I suspected a growth spurt. Made no difference or made it worse. The dreamfeed also disrupted her even more. Now, when I feed her she's awake after and ready for the day.

You are right, getting her back to sleep til seven seems key. She managed last week but as her first wake up gets closer to five she is harder to settle back than if she woke in the middle of the night.

Night 10 went well, she only properly woke once, easy to settle back tho she did stir once or so. She didn't cry as with other nights and woke at ten past seven for her feed. I've been up since three though! Can't get back to sleep coz expect her to wake! I'll get used to the new pattern of hopefully sleeping thru soon though!

Hope this is progress?

Ahh! You will get used to the new waking times - I ALWAYS adjust my sleep patterns if my daughter goes through any stages of waking early but within a week or so I'm back to sleeping through as well. :)

I would say that if she wakes at 5am and you can feed her back to sleep, she's waking through hunger. If she won't feed and won't go back to sleep but seems happy, she's just had enough sleep (probably because she had a lot of sleep the day before).

I will say that the idea of 'controlling sleep' is one that a lot of MNers don't like and all the HVs I ever spoke to advised me to let my daughter sleep as long or as short as she liked (even suggesting I needed to give her more sleep in the day if she was waking at 5am!). It seemed counterintuitive to me to stop her sleeping in the day when she'd woken so early, but once it clicked that the excessive daytime sleep was the cause of her waking, I realised there was only one way to fix it... It's not right for everyone, but it worked for me and saved our sanity.

:( Night 11 didn't go well. Dd woke at 1.45 and settled at 3! Then woke at 4, 5 then 6. Not great.

A temporary set back on the way to her getting the sleep she needs?

She did seem overtired at bedtime. I wonder if I've dropped her 4pm ish catnap too soon?

love if she wakes at five she's neither happy nor hungry. She definitely seems to want to go back to sleep. I know what you mean about "controlling sleep", I have tended to follow her lead, see what makes her happiest then encourage that. She night weaned herself, id have been happy to continue. We'll see, determined to see this thread through with all happy and well rested baby!

Nights 12 and 13 stirring between midnight and three once. Waking around five. No chance of going back to sleep. I end up feeding between six and seven, usually closer to six.

Am stuck, this obviously isn't working! Any advice? Thank you.

We were stuck on 4 or 5 o'clock wake ups, with dd going back to sleep with varying degrees of encouragement. But I tried giving her the chance to settle herself, so I waited ten minutes before going in. She self settled before the ten minutes were up most of the time. If not I went in and rubbed her tummy. After four nights she just stopped waking up at that time and now manages over 11 hours without a stir! She is in a wonderful mood in the morning, so happy and smiling lots!