sleeping when you are out and about? How do you ensure your baby doesn't get overtired when you have no routine!

[paranoid2android]

DD is 14 weeks, and just getting to the stage where she is reluctant to sleep when there's anything interesting going on. She'll sleep fine if we're on the move, walking, or shopping in the sling or buggy. However if I'm anywhere, that involves chatting to people like a mums and babies group or having a coffee with someone then she will not sleep properly, and get overtired. She may powernap for about 10 mins, but never a full sleep like she used to! The problem is that we don't have any routine, so if I arrange to meet someone say for a coffee at 3, then I've no way of predicting whether DD will need a sleep or not.

Next year I was planning to do some things such as music class, baby massage etc. but all of this will involve getting somewhere for an exact time, so I'm wondering if I should bother, I don't want to make my baby overtired, but I can't plan anything because we have no routine! What would you do in this situation? Would you try and get your baby into a routine? Or just cancel any engagments that involve arriving on time?| I don't want to let down friends, but the idea of a routine fills me with horror, DD just doesn't seem like that kind of baby, and I would hate to try and force her into a routine, that meant waking her up at certain times etc. just because that was our routine, regardless of how she was feeling.

My ds now 4.5 months is only just really getting into a routine. With no real involvement from me, other than just carrying on with my life, shopping and meeting with friends etc as best I could!! The only thing I did hold everything for was feeds obviously.....3 hour feeding ish. So I tried to work round that. Took extra milk (as ff) just in case he needed more than predicted. I did a baby massage class which started at 9.30.....my ds was normally (?!) due a feed about 10 ish...which the instructor didn't mind at all. She just carried on and I just watched the techniques as I fed. All the mums/babies did this if necessary, also if babies got tired they just went ahead and pushed/sushed/sang/rocked etc etc. No probs. Go and see. The new year is weeks away and babies change a lot in that time!
Good luck.x

Hi Beckie, thanks you just reassured me so much! Was just having a tea with a woman who's baby was in a routine from about 6 weeks, and only ate every 3-4 hours, even though he was breastfed! It just got me down, as I thought my baby must be totally anti-routine and it will always be like this. By Jan my baby will also be 4.5 months so fingers crossed we will start to see the beginning of a routine emerging! It only worries me cos. when DD gets overtired she has a bit of a cry when we get home - don't want to traumatise her!

My baby is 14 weeks too and also has no routine. V glad to see that in may come in time, beckieperk. I have done classes with her (well, baby massage and a sensory stay-and-play) and just done whatever she needed, feeding, sleeping or whatever. She HATES sleeping in the day, always has done. I keep hoping she will grow into it, as she strongly resists any attempt I make to develop a routine.
The only thing I can suggest, which I think is helping us, is having a consistent getting up time. I have found this so hard esp after a bad night, so now DH gets dd up at 7, changes nappy and then I feed in bed (bf). I might then go back to sleep whilst she feeds. She used to go back to sleep after that feed, but it seems those days are over. But at least with a consistent time for the first feed I can start to hang a bit more of a pattern on it.

Oh bless you. Don't let it worry you. At my massage class there were 7 mums and babies. Only 2 had a strict(ish) routine which worked for them. A couple had a vague routine.....then there was me and 2 others who had more challenging babies.....who fed on demand and no routine to speak of. This made me realise that I wasn't in the minority (as I had led myself to believe!!). Again I will reiterate don't panic if your dc isn't in a routine by the new year....it will come and you probably won't notice it happening.....until.....like me you realise you start doing things at roughly the same time every day then it will all become a bit hum-drum!! Ha. I wished for a routine and now it's here I'm kind !

Are you bf? Feeding on demand?!

If you go to the classes regularly, then both you and her will automatically get in to routine, you as you know you have to be somewhere and have a specified time by which to have cleaned, bathed, eaten etc and her as she will be used to being awake at the class time and sleeping after or before.

Oh and most babies I know don't have strict routine, I just meant in the general sense, not precise timings.

Oh yes I agree....I'm nowhere near a strict routine....timings are vague. This morning he got up at normal time 7am. Had his milk (but took his time about it!!) then he was sleepy again so I put him back down at 8.15 and he slept till nearly 10??? So this knocked his timings back an hour. But we've caught up sort of. Just a rush for bath, bottle and bed now before 7(ish!)

My DD (23 weeks) has no real routine to speak of, although she is gradually getting a bit more predictable. She sleeps well in buggy/sling so I often set off early to things and fit in a walk on the way to persuade her to sleep before we have to be somewhere. Then I'll leave when I think she's getting tired again, which is normally after an hour or two so plenty of time for class/coffee/lunch. It works a lot of the time, but sometimes I still get it wrong! Luckily people are understanding - i've sometimes arranged to meet for coffee but then changed it to a walk with takeaway if I really think DD needs the sleep. There have only been a couple of occasions where I've had to leave because I couldn't get DD to sleep and she was completely overtired.

DS never had a real daytime routine. He would just fall asleep in the pushchair or car if he was tired.

Same here squirrel. Everyone understands how it is to have a new baby and those who don't or can't cope with the consequences of having a gorgeous baby (cranky or not!!) around then perhaps give them a wide birth for a while. No great shakes. I find most people I speak to have found that once you start doing things together the baby will kind of fit around you. Or you'll both find a happy ground. I've found that going out after morning feed and a little play (and after trying to get a shower and breakfast myself somehow ) for a couple of hours, walk, coffee, shopping whatever, I try and get home for about 2ish....give another feed then try and get him to have a good sleep in his cot. He resisted the first few times....but I persevered, and now he loves it....goes down for 1.5-2 hrs.

Oh and sorry to waffle on....but I've just started buggy fit class which starts at 9.30 ds sleeps the whole way through the class (1 hr) i think he likes the jiggling around....those that don't and need feeding stop and either catch up take a short cut!!. Not sure if that's an option near you? Or something you'd find interesting? Just an idea.

buggy fit sounds great, not sure if they have that near me, will check, but as she only seems to sleep well on the move now or at home, it would be a good way to socialise.
Eskarina, does your baby hate missing out on things? Is that why she doesn't like to sleep?
Squirrel I think I'm going to have to do things your way, set off early for a walk so she sleeps, arrive late, or leave early, depending on DD's need for sleep.
That only leaves classes as a problem, as they are scheduled for an exact time, but maybe you're right Nailak, that going to classes will help us to get into a routine.
I think today I'll right out a rough shedule of what happens in our day, and see if there is some sort of pattern. DD does tend to go to bed at same time each night and wake up at a similiar time,
thanks for replies everyone, glad to know Im not in the minority

I had a baby just like your friends who was breastfed and put himself on a routine at about six weeks. He still falls asleep at 7pm on the dot wherever we are! Don't underestimate how binding a routine can be.

Routine or no routine you must go out and meet people and enjoy your time with your baby.

Look at it this way: either you get given a baby who doesn't do routine, and you have to work to introduce a bit of order as they get bigger, or you get one who has there own in built routine and you have to work to make them a little more flexible!