I'm loosing my mind

[hardboiledpossum]

I can't cope with lack of sleep anymore, I feel like I'm loosing my mind. DS used to sleep through most of the time aged 3-6 months at 6 months it all went wrong ad he started waking 5+ times a night but would usually settle fairly quickly when I gave him back his dummy. Getting out of bed multiple times was exhausting me though so we ended up co-sleeping for a few months. This meant I got much more sleep and felt myself again but DS would only sleep when I did so it meant me or DP had to go to bed with him. DP didn't want to co-sleep anymore so we decided to move him back in to his cot but to also get rid of his dummy as everyone seemed to suggest that is why he is waking. So that was four nights ago I think, maybe , I can't really remember. The first night he cried for 2 hours while I stroked his head, he finally drifted off and only woke once that night but was awake again for two hours until he drifted back off. The next two night he fell asleep with no tears within 10 minutes but still woke up 5+ times and would take between 10 and 20 minutes to settle him back each time. Last night was horrific, worse than we have ever had! He feel asleep fine again but woke up at 11 when I was just about to sleep and wouldn't settle till about 12. He then slept till half 1, it then took he 4 whole hours to settle him back to sleep!! At 5.30 he finally went down but only for 1.5 hours, at 7am I was so exhaused I climbed into his cot and we fell asleep cuddled up in their until 8am. So I got 3.5 hours sleep and he got 6.5 hours. His routine is wake 8, nap 10-11, nap 2-3.30, bed 8. When he wakes I don't bring lift him out of his cot and just sit next to him and hold his hand. He used to be able to self settle at bedtime with his dummy, he fell asleep last night at 8 without me in the room and without tears. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

Hi Possum,

Not sure I have much advice, but just wanted to let you know that it's nothing you're doing wrong. Your DS sounds very much like mine. He slept so well at 3 months and is a nightmare now (6.5 months)!

Could you reconsider co-sleeping? It's mde a lot of difference to me, and I can function reasonably well after even the worst nights. I find the up and down of it all is as bad as the waking.

What are your thoughts about his dummy? Do you think it would help for him to have it back? I have no experience of dummies ( mine won't take one no matter what I try!) but if he can settle himself back to sleep sometimes with it, then surely it's a good thing?

How is DS when he wakes? Is he playful and happy? Or screaming and miserable? How often does he have a feed in the night? Does the timing of this make a difference?

Sorry I can't be any help, but it has to get better one day, eh?

Hi, thank you Noodle! Yes I think I might consider going back to co-sleeping, I'm going to talk to my partner about it later. I'm now starting to think that it wasn't the dummy but just that he needs the reassurance that I'm there? I forgot to say, he doesn't feed in the night and hasn't for months and he doesn't seem hungry.

Do you mean when he wakes up in the morning or in the night? When he wakes in the night he cries out until I come, at which point he is fine, he doesn't seem playful or miserable. He just lies there and stays at me. When he wakes in the morning he has been more grumpy in the day since he has been sleeping in his cot. Today he is very happy though, which is surprising considering how little sleep he has had.

Was your DP receptive to co-sleeping? I know what you mean about reassurance. It seems my DS likes me near by too. Sometimes if he wakes in the night I can settle him back to sleep just my putting my hand on his tummy (to let him know I'm still there). I think he's just a very clingy baby.

At 6 months he seems young to go all night without a feed, but I'm not expert (by any stretch!) and this is my first DS, and he's a food monster! Im sure you've tried offering a feed just in case, too though.

DS seems more grumpy too when he's slept in his cot, probably because he's had such a long night.

I'm sorry I don't have anything to suggest, but I'm in a very similar situation. We've put a single bed at the side of our double to DS can join us without DH being relegated to the sofa! Not ideal, but it makes the day a little more bearable.

My only advice is (as I'm sure you've heard before) to do every thing you can to make life easier for yourself! If he wants you close, it miht be that that's all you can do until he learns to sleep a little better. I seem to spend half my life trying to get him to sleep (and stay alseep) and as a result I've neglected lots of other things (tidying, jobs that need doing, etc). I also only get up in the night if I absolutely have to!

Good luck, and hope you get some sleep soon

Sorry I didn't say he is actually 10 months old! He has been a terrible sleeper for four months since he was 6 months old. I night weaned except for a dream feed at around 14 weeks, so having gone over 6 months without a night feed I don't think he's waking for one now, though I did try a while ago to see if it would get him to sleep and he wasn't interested. He is on the 98th percentile so I think he must be getting enough food in the daytime.
I think that is the same with my DS, he is just a clingy baby and wants to be close to me. Personally I'm happy to co-sleep but my partner is against it and it does seem to ruin our evenings together. At the moment we have been splitting the night it to two halves and each tending to DS in one half so the other gets a block of sleep. Last night DP got fed up in his half though and was just going to leave him to cry it out, so I ended up bringing him in with us an I'm not happy to just leave him to cry.