Please help!!! sleep regression? high needs?

[mummy2b2011]

Hi All,

I'm having a nightmare with my 20 week old DD. Her sleep has never been good- she slept on my DH or me for the first 5 weeks of her life- hated the moses basket and cried in the buggy/car seat/big cot. So, I started co-sleeping with her (after managing to get her to sleep on her back) and feeding on demand through the night.

I have never slept very well with her next to me and, for this reason, my DH kept/keeps her on his chest until 1am ish whilst I get some sleep alone. DD used to go to sleep around 8pm ish, but now it is getting later and later- last night it was 9.30pm and woke at 12.45 for a feed.

She then fed virtually constantly until 4.30am which was when she went into a deep sleep. I was unable to drop off as I had been properly woken up (I can't ever sleep whilst she's feeding- worried that my boob will suffocate her!), so I just lay next to her awake until she woke again at 6.30am. She had another feed and my husband then took her (he sleeps in a different room so that he can get some sleep- his work is quite demanding) until 8.30am. I managed to get some sleep then and could have slept for hours, but DH had to go to work.

We have the cot pushed up against our bed, but I generally keep her next to me as it is easier to feed her.

Her naps are awful- maybe 4 x 40 mins fairly evenly spread through the day; I have to jiggle and shush her, feed her, or walk with her in a sling.

We are thinking that maybe we ought to try and get her into her cot- do you think she would sleep for longer? She has NEVER slept alone (she would still be right next to our bed) and I can't imagine that this would work. Also, I feel quite anxious about this. We were thinking that she would probably sleep better on her front (never really tried, though she frequently sleeps on her side next to me in the big bed because of feeding)- we would get one of those breathing sensor things.

Do you think we have 'done this' to her (i.e. made her a poor sleeper)... she always wanted to hold her when she was little and it felt right, so we did, but I don't like the fact that she sleeps on my DH in the living room for the first part of her sleep, but if he doesn't have her, I wouldn't have any sleep.

I really feel at my wit's end- no family nearby who can help. My DD frequently seems overtired and my main concern is that we are teaching her bad habits.

Do you think this is the 4 month sleep regression? She used to sleep for longer (on DH) in the first part of the night- i.e. 5 hours ish. Do you think it will get better when we start her on solids (don't want to do this until 6 months).

Please help!!!!

TIA

(sorry it's a bit garbled... am v/ tired!)

Sounds like a sleep regression or developmentally related to me. I have been through this with my ds (still have sleep issues at 10 mo - just posted!) and it is hard and solids made no difference to his sleep.

What I would say is that you have not caused this yourself by they way you have done things so far so please do not beat yourself up about it - I think this is just the way some babies are and you are responding to her in the best way possible by attending to her need to be close to people - she is still only tiny.

So I hope things improve for you and am sure they will with time - no real advice just wanted to respond as I have been there!

My ds was like this in our room but we have now moved him into his own cot in his own room. He is now nearly 18 weeks. He now sleeps much much better. Last night went from 7pm till 3am. I however didn't sleep this long as I am still concerned and constantly 'sure' he will wake any minute. My ds has for the past few weeks perfected the art of rolling and even tough I always put him to bed in his back, he immediately rolls onto his front. I have now given up rolling him back. I never co-slept so not sure exactly how your dc will react.....but let's face it....can it really get much worse. I think try anything to see what suits you both best. Good luck.

You have not "done" this. Your baby is not the best sleeper in the world. It happens a lot more than you probably think.

I don't think my DD slept anywhere except on my or DH's chest for about 6 weeks.

We put DD into a cot on her own room at about 20 weeks as she didn't fit in her moses basket anymore and she generally slept not too badly.

Your DD is at a sleep regression stage though so this won't help.

Do you cluster feed in the couple of hours up to bedtime? Also do you give a dreamfeed? And, it will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Have you tried perhaps you getting some kip until about 10.30pm. Then giving a dream feed and popping her into her cot next to you so you can then both get a bit of sleep.

Hi there, sorry to hear you're having sleep problems.

I'm afraid I'm going to be the one who disagrees here and say you probably have caused some of the sleep associations she now has. Having said that, it is SO easy to do and we all know how you just want to do whatever seems right for your baby at the time.

I agree that it won't be easy to put her in a cot and expect her to sleep brilliantly because she's never been shown how to.

A lot of MNers are against routine so I don't know if that's the right philosophy for you. I have done Gina Ford (don't hiss!) and found that my adaptation of her routines worked brilliantly for me (I also believe she is massively misrepresented in the media - my DD was never left to cry, was always well fed and well rested and sleeps amazingly still at the age of 2). However, I know GF is perhaps too rigid for a lot of people, so have you read the Baby Whisperer? It's a lot gentler than GF, but gives you a basic structure to your day which should ensure your LO is not overtired, is not hungry and can be put to bed with a good routine each night which should start to promote self-settling and sleeping alone (if this is definitely what you want).

I hope this helps; it probably will take some time to get your LO used to a new way of settling and sleeping, but you'll get there in the end.

Good luck!
x

Hi!
Thanks for your responses. I do try to have DD in a routine (or, rather I have tried to identify her sleeping routine), but it is so changeable and, if she has a bad night, it can mess everything else up (move naps forwards or backwards). It is some consolation that a few people think that she is just like this- she loves to be held/cuddles and to have lots of attention, which is why I thought/think she may be high needs (not that I really like labelling, I don't).

I feel like I'm not sure what is the best thing for her- I read '3 in a Bed' and it completely transformed my view... I really am happy being close to her all of the time, but I do need sleep as well! Also, sometimes I feel like I'm battling against a world of 'put your baby in a cot- leave her to cry- don't pick her up so much- give her formula- give her solids' and I just really disagree.... though seem to struggle to vocalise how I feel (I don't want to sound like I'm criticising other parents' choices, though they do seem happy to criticise mine...)

I have a copy of 'No cry sleep solution' so probably need to read it properly and start implementing some of the techniques. DD seems to be feeding SO MUCH through the night at the moment- I read somewhere that this is because (at this age) she is so excited to be seeing and learning new things through the day, that she doesn't want to spend her time feeding and is, therefore, taking in a majority of her calories through the night... this definitely seems to be the case

It's funny how a lack of sleep can completely alter your perception of a situation; we slept quite well last night, so am feeling a lot more positive than I was. I would like her to learn to sleep by herself for a little bit of the night and then maybe co-sleep for the rest, so need to work on that.

Thanks so much for posting- this forum is great for support and advice

m

I don't have any answers, but your DD sounds quite similar to mine (who is 22 weeks). She is super active in the day, doesn't want to eat, and then feeds a lot through the night.

I think 4x40 min naps in the daytime is ok at this age, but like you, I have to send her off to sleep somehow... can't just put her down somewhere and let her drift off. A friend of mine with a 21 week DD has just spent the week sleep-training to try and get her to sleep in a cot, but gave up as it just wasn't working.

We have a bedtime routine (bath, pyjamas, feed in bed with dim lights) which helps get DD off to sleep by herself, although it takes ages still. Then she is happy to sleep alone in her basket, but she wakes loads for feeding at the moment. So sometimes I co-sleep just to get a decent sleep.

Luckily everyone around me is supportive, including MIL who told me that I'm doing a great job and that DD is just quite hard work, but will grow out of it. And DH thinks I get more stressed about what I think she should be doing, than what she actually is doing. Our tactic is to try and work on the early part of the evening when we both have some energy (say 6pm to midnight) and hope the rest follows in time. Maybe first get your DH to try and break the habit of her sleeping on him for the early part of the night? Then you can build on that.

Don't know if any of this is any help, but you're definitely not alone, and it seems like sleep worries have hit a lot of mums I know at around 4 months!

Thank you, squirrel- it's nice to know we aren't the only ones!