co-sleeping nightmare...please help!

[Moulesfrites]

My ds is 10mo. For the past two months or so we have been bringing him into our bed when we can't get him settles back in his cot. We went through a stage of this being about 3/4am (he always wakes at least once before that but we could get him to settle in his cot) but now we seem to be back bringing him through at about 11 as he wakes and is inconsolable - I think he is teething which means he just want to suck (ebf) all the time and screams when I unlatch him.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had reconciled myself with the idea of cosleeping as it wasn't something i was really comfortable with before, but it seemed to be the way that we all got the most sleep - if he woke later in the night I could just shove a nipple in without really having to fully wake up myself, and I felt like I finally understood what all the cosleeping evangelists on mn were going on about.

However, it has turned out to be too good to be true. The past few nights ds has woken at about 4.30/5am. Whereas he has always been easily settles with a quick bf, now he is AWAKE and wanting to PLAY. He tries to climb up the headboard, crawl round the bed, pulls my hair, nips scratches and kicks me and screams when I try to cuddle him back to sleep. After about half an hour of this this morning I was sobbing to DH "Is this what being a mother mans, that I have to put up with being nipped and kicked in my own bed...!". Eventually he settled back down and slept until 7.20. This is good but I am back at work in January and will have to get up at 6 - if he wakes up at 5 there seems little point in battling to get him back to sleep and we will all be knackered.

So, sorry for length, just want some advice really, and to rant. feel like I am doing it all wrong .

Oh dear, sounds rotten. Just when you think you've found the answer with children, they find some other way to drive you crazy!

Do you want to carry on co-sleeping, or do you want advice on moving him back to his own room? (not that I can particularly help with either, just bumping for you )

I feel for you !!!
My DD slept in my bed because I literally couldn't get her to settle in her own bed.. She was only sleeping about 20 minutes at a time so it seemed like a short term solution
She was 3 when I managed to get her out of it.. It was 3 years of hell
My advice would be to let them scream it out for a couple of weeks and lay down the law now before it's too late
I ended up having to put a baby gate on DD's bedroom door and listening to her scream for hours every night.. Then one day she just went to sleep and has been fine ever since...
It's lovely to have free time of an evening
Cruel to be kind is my advice

The thing is, I know people will suggest CC but I just can't physically do it. I can't listen to him cry grumble and moan on a bit yes, but not cry, I just can't do it and I wont.

We do have an evening as he goes to bed in his cot no problem at 7 (mostly fed to sleep but has managed to settle on his own occasionally). It's just when he wakes up during the night that the problems start and by then I am too tired to think rationally or do anything else but bring him into bed and bf him.

hi

poor you.

I think if he is normally fed to sleep, he probably doesn't know how to go back to sleep on his own. I had the exact same problem but earluer, at 5-6 months. DH and I had to do a proper routine of teaching him how to sleep on his own. It took about 4-6 weeks (can't really remember now) because we didn't want to do cc.

I fed him, then read a book so he wasn't asleep, then put in cot. Then stayed with him patting and stroking and singing. He protested nad did cry but he wasn't afraid or abandoned so I didn't stop - he just wasn't getting excatly what he wanted.

After a few weeks he was happily going with that so we moved to less patting, then just a hand on his tum, then just standing by cot, then pottering around the room. At the end of the time - when he was 6 months - I could feed him, read story, pop him down and kiss on cheek then leave. At this point he started sleeping through. Now (10.5 months) he sleeps 12 hours.

Could you try something like that?

Good luck with whatever you try :)

The difficulty of getting him back to sleep is that he knows it's you and he can get some milk from you. And you are tired and all you want to do is go back to sleep asap. Do you have a patient DP who could try settle him and would you consider a dummy?

we did try dh settling with him with water when he was about 7/8 months - it worked a treat and his sleeping improved hugely but then got new teeth and was inconsolable again. My other excuse is that we have been all over the place with him, weekends away, staying at my parents, pils etc, and will be doing more travelling over Xmas and NY period, and I just can't bear the thought of other people being disturbed by him so won't let him make a peep!
I think between Xmas and Easter we should resolve to stay put and maybe try a gentle sleep training method as described by bigkids - thank you for that.

Hi there

I am in exactly the same predicament as you!!

My DD is now 16 months old and I have been co-sleeping in exactly the same manner as yourselves, but only difference is that she doesn't feed to sleep.

I have the problem that she wakes in the night and wont go back in her own cot - she has got used to it now so have resigned myself to waiting till she is ready to sleep through on her own. She has done it on several occasions prior to us going on holiday and then its just gone to pot.

I too have had her in with me and she has then woken early like 4am or 5am and then jumped around and thought it was playtime....but she has now stopped all of that and wakes once in the night, comes in with me and then sleeps through till 7am.

I wouldn't get too worried about it ( I was like you very against it till I started having major problems with her) as you need to get sleep and you are going back to work soon where you will need to have a good nights kip even more so.

I am regretting what I have done with her but we ALL need sleep and if we dont then the whole house is in uproar....just follow your motherly instincts and try not to worry too much what other people say about it!!

Thing is with CC you have to be totally consistent in all areas with it and our lives don't revolve around undertaking CC. DD goes to Nursery (well they won't do it there - she settles to sleep fine there during the day), she goes to my parents and settles to sleep fine there too its just at night time when its dark that she doesn't settle on her own...plus I think she is having me on a bit too.

I think withmy DD her teeth a very much to blame with her night wakenings and cannot wait till they are all through...it may not solve the problem but as she wakes at different times each night then I guess its her teeth hurting rather than her waking for a cuddle??

Hope this helps in some way....

Luv Lou xxx

oooh forgot to suggest that you maybe feed him his last feed downstairs and well before bedtime..perhaps it will break the feeding to sleep association and then have a bath, story and bed so he associates that with sleep rather than food?

If CC is too much for you, have you thought about pick up, put down (a Baby Whisperer technique). I read about it and had my doubts, but then I saw her do it on her TV series and was impressed.