What have I done wrong? And how do I put it right? (3mo screaming before bed and frequent night wakings)

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Apologies if this seems familiar. I have posted before but still haven't 'fixed' anything and am getting to the end of my tether. I would REALLY appreciate any support or advice in helping my DS sleep better. So...

LO is 3 and a half months old and EBF. He SCREAMS for around 90 mins before bed every night and then wakes up every two hours or so (sometimes every hour; sometimes up to three hours, but always frequently) and won't go back to sleep unless I feed him (if I don't, he becomes wide awake and then we get even less sleep!). I'm getting to the end of my tether and really need help in working out what is wrong and helping him settle better.

His day usually looks something like this (nowhere near a 'routine', but this is the vague pattern):

7am - Get up
9am - 45m nap (usually in bed with me)
12.oo - 90m nap (usually in car or buggy)
4pm - 45m nap (usually at home; sometimes in buggy)
6pm - starts screaming
7.30 - sleep (usually fed to sleep when screaming finally stops)
10pm - first wake up
He then wakes every hour / two hours / three hours all night. This varies, but is always frequent.

During the day (especially in the morning) he is the happiest, smiliest baby you can imagine, but by 6pm he is usually bright red, arms in air, fists clenched, screaming. He has now also started screaming before naps (usually just for 5-10mins) He rarely sleeps unless fed, pushed in his buggy or driven in the car.

GP says his tummy is fine. Osteopath thinks traumatic birth may be causing tension, but first treatment made him worse and second isn't until next week. I'm considering calling HV and begging for help. Is there much she can do? Are there any other professionals I could call on? I just feel like I've messed everything up and now need to fix it.

Sorry this is so long! If you've made it this far I'd really appreciate your thoughts.

Hmm sounds like he is really unhappy by the time he gets to the end of the day and I can only assume that its something to do with colic/wind/sore tummy from the milk and that maybe he is allergic to it?
Are you BF or FF? Maybe a switch in formula or a look at what you are eating in your own diet which causes a reaction i.e. what you had for tea.
I would def go with calling the HV, doc dont tend to be so good at this sort of thing.
Could you put him in the bath early to relax him before he gets wound up and then do a nice baby massage afterwards and wind him down a bit before bed?
Sorry am no expert but |I think HV will be your best bet x

A friend of mine had a similar problem with her DS, at a similar age - it turned out to be silent reflux and a lactose intolerance. She was prescribed Gaviscon and had a wedge pillow under the head of his cot mattress. She also had to give up dairy (she was EBF).

Might be worth going back to GP if it sounds similar - she had to see several people before she got a diagnosis.

Hope it improves soon!

That was ds (actual screaming for ages... ugh). I worked so hard to get him to sleep during the day as we figured he might be overtired. Also got him checked out for reflux by paed as doc just said give him Gaviscon and we couldn't get it in to him.

Honestly I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Maybe try and get another nap in, as it might help - we tried to get him to sleep after 2 hours of awake time.

I have to say in our case, I think he was just stressed and frustrated at being a baby. He was a lot happier once he could sit up, then crawl, then walk.

Have you got a La Leche League nearby? I found them very helpful. There is a thread over in Breast and Bottle feeding on High Needs babies - might ring a bell.

We used to take it in turns to walk around with screaming baby so we each had a break (dh actually had earplugs). By six months it was down to only the odd night of screaming.

This sounds very similar to how my little girl was, except she didn't exactly scream, it was more of a grizzle/ restlessness. At night she slept in my bed with me, not something I had planned at all, it was just because of the frequent waking up. It did make things much easier, she used to headbut my chest when she woke up and i fed her so there was then no crying in the night.

Put him to bed earlier - he sounds overtired as bedtime takes forever and he wakes hourly. You should aim to have him feeding for bedtime by 6pm. It's early but he's tiny and will cope with later bedtimes as he gets older. Keep evenings low key, boring and ditch any fancy bedtime routines you might have - even ditch the bath if you need to. Again when older, he'll cope better.
Try early bedtime for a week and see if it helps.

Similar story to others here - ds1 never slept for longer than two hours at night till he was nearly 1. Has bad eczema and allergies so maybe if I'd known then and cut dairy out of my diet, it might have helped.

Did co-sleeping after a while and it definitely helped with the sanity.

How often does he feed in the day? Does he still cluster feed in the evenings?

Definitely agree with Iggly re: bedtime. Is your DS quite an alert baby? We had one of these and it took ages to figure out that she just needed more sleep. It's not an exact science but we found putting her down about an hour and a half after first wake up, and then roughly every 2 hours thereafter seemed to help.
Bedtime around 6.
Have you tried swaddling / dummy?

Really feel for you. It's not a great phase but it WILL pass.

Thank you. You haven't given me the miracle cure I was hoping for, but at least I'm not alone. I'll call the HV tomorrow and beg for help.

I have to say in our case, I think he was just stressed and frustrated at being a baby. He was a lot happier once he could sit up, then crawl, then walk.
This rings a bell. He's so happy when he's 'stood up' on our knees or in his bouncer and he looks totally baffled when he sees older babies walking or crawling (like, "why can't I do that mommy?") Hopefully he'll be happier when he's bigger! I just keep wishing he could tell me what was wrong. I so want to make him happier.

I'm breastfeeding so I've cut 'gassy' foods out of my diet but will contact La Leche to see if there's anything else I should be doing. We also have the same problem with the Gaviscon. He just spits most of it out. I hadn't considered asking to see a paed. If the HV can't help I'll go back to my GP to refer us (she did say to go back if he didn't get better; though I suspect she was more worried about my mental health than anything else! Crying in the consultation may have led her off topic slightly )

As for the overtiredness, we've already moved the bath to earlier in the day to try to avoid overstimulating him and I start feeding at about 5.30pm and then feed on and off (whenever he'll stop screaming for long enough!) until he finally drops off at around 7.30. Should I be trying even earlier?

Ooh, got to go... he's waking up already. Thanks again.

Can you feed in a dim/dark room at bedtime - I'd say half 5 is early enough? Also put hum down for the morning nap a little earlier?

Hope you had a better day today and got some helpful advice from the health visitor x

Thanks Purple. I'm making progress...

I called the health visitor but she wasn't in today. Her colleague was sympathetic, promised to pass on the message tomorrow and says she's sure that the HV will come and see me soon.

I've also been on the 'High Needs' thread and found it reassuring to find others in the same boat.

MIL has arrived to stay for a few days and is already making herself useful Her 'project' for the rest of the week is to get LO to take a bottle so that I can get a rest.

DS went to sleep with only 15 mins screaming tonight. It took a dose of calpol (recommended by doc in case the crying is from pain; I'm not trying to drug him to sleep!) lot of feeding and a recording of a hairdryer on a loop, but WOW, what an improvement!

I'm just enjoying a teeny tiny glass of wine then heading to bed x

Take advantage of that MIL! Even if he doesn't take a bottle (ours never would) a really dedicated performer can entertain a baby of this sort of age for several hours. Yes if you are there they want to feed all the time but if you are not they'll wait quite a while til you re-appear.

He's so happy when he's 'stood up' on our knees or in his bouncer and he looks totally baffled when he sees older babies walking or crawling (like, "why can't I do that mommy?") Hopefully he'll be happier when he's bigger! I just keep wishing he could tell me what was wrong. I so want to make him happier.

Yes this was exactly ds and how I felt too! Looking at the little explorer I have a year later I understand why he was so annoyed after a day of seeing things he couldn't do yet. You'll get there.

This sounds exactly like DS, he is 5 months old now and doesn't do it so often. When I mentioned it to the HV she said he was just being naughty, so I ignored her. The one thing that seemed to help was keeping him entertained in the evening by constant singing and talking to him, but I couldn't leave him for a second.