tired, fed up and feeling like .......

[Kjaysmum]

I only seem to post a message when it's all going wrong and I know some of you have it far worse than me nethertheless today I feel very tired and have that old what am I doing wrong feeling, burst into tears in the supermarket oh dear!! DS (19.5 months)woke at 1.30am took him some water soothed him, left the room, he cried for 45 mins, I gave in (trying not to disturb DP as he is a driver and it's dangerous for him to go to work too tired)and took him into the makeshift bed on floor I have made for us in his room he slept restlessly til 5.30 then insisted on getting up, this is an ongoing problem, feel like I have tried everthing you've all suggested, maybe I just have to try not to be so sensative and learn to live with my little early riser. He has trouble waking from naps too, tantrums, not sure if I'm after advice anymore, just need to share it, feeling like a rubbish mum, running out of patience at times, think maybe winter is just boring for him so not putting out so much energy and frustated at not hanging out in the park so much..it's too cold, I love him so much so why is this feeling so hard

You have my sympathies as I'm experiencing similar problems with my 21-month ds. He's never been a good sleeper and most of the nights are as you've described above. I have, with help of dp more of less solved the 5am waking with controlled crying. He now wakes at 6 which is ok, apart from some mornings when he seems tired and grumpy. But can't seem to sort out the middle of the night waking. Sometimes he will settle easily, other nights he refuses. I think our current problem is teething and bad habits have formed because he's been teething constantly since last April. No advice, jus wanted you to know you are not alone with this. I so envy people with children who sleep.

thanks otto, can you explain how you got his 5 am to 6 please

By doing controlled crying. I usually get dp to do it as ds expects me to pick him up, but knows that dp won't. He never really screama, just moans for an hour or so, then falls back to sleep for another hour. Now he misses out the 5am waking and wakes at 6 instead. This doesn't always happen though. Sometimes it's earlier - 5.30-5.45. This is tricky as he's almost had enough sleep by then, but is often grumpy and needs a nap by about 10.30.

I always go in and check ds at 4.30-5am when he wakes and give him a small bottle, sometimes he settles for 20 mins but sometimes just grizzle but if I go back in after say 5 mins he gets really histerical and this is how I believe one does controlled crying, I guess it's not on to just leave him till 6 without going back into his room?

hope you don't mind me picking your brains abit but I feel very confused on what to do next it may help clarify the situation to hear how someone else is dealing with it. also do you get him out of bed when he wakes in the night?

don't know if anyone is reading this but maybe there's a mumsnet fairy cause ds woke up last night at 1am squaked and went straight back to sleep, he woke up again at 5am I gave him a bottle and left him and he didn't wake up till 7am, unbelievable...I had gone to bed at 9.30 so feel like a human being again this evening, wow, it's amazing how sleep deprivation messes with your brain, especially when you haven't got hormones to help you like you have in the early days when you're breast feeding. Anyhow even if he does do night and early waking again tonight at least I feel in a better frame of mind to deal with it after a good nights sleep

woke twice in night but resettled himself, then 4.15 gave a bottle, didn't help cried till 4.30 gave teething gel, cried till 4.45 took into bed with me and finally settled at about 5 till 6.45, swings and roundabouts

just for me now.....no night wakings, 5.45, brilliant!!

That's good news. I'm glad things are getting a little easier. It's always easier to deal with a situation if you've actually had some sleep.

In answer to a previous question I try not to get ds out of bed when he cries, unless there is obviously something very wrong like his teeth causing a lot of pain. I do offer him water though. I also offer water if he wakes at 5ish as I think they can form a waking habit if they know they will be getting milk as a 'reward' for waking.

thanks Otto, had two really bad mornings in arow, he's waking at 4am and getting really hysterical. I agree about the bottle of milk think we are just going to offer him water when he wakes tomorrow. I don't think it's teeth now. Taking him into bed with me seems to have sjtopped working too, give him an inch maybe, so have decided to let him cry it out, have to stay consistant with this I know, how I hate to hear him cry though!! I am luckier than you though as the night waking seems to have stopped, hope our sons pass this phase soon.....

kjaysmum, good luck, you are doing so well.

I have to suggest what we've done, though your DP may not like it. But we've swapped to my DH doing bedtimes, and it has worked like MAGIC. My DH was the one who went in in the night and from the word go this made 100% difference. I know every child is different but it was the key to our son getting and us getting a full night's sleep. He now sleeps from 6.30pm to 6.30am or 7am.

I think it's because our son is less clingy with DH and finds it easier to let him leave the room. There are no downsides to this arrangement, because my son and DH get fantastic bonding time together at bedtime and I know my DH will look back and be glad that he always had that precious time at bedtime to be with his child. And I know your DP is a driver and needs a night's sleep - but the idea of this is that for the sake of getting up for maybe a FEW nights, you get a change in your sons sleep that means none of you are disturbed!

Hope this is of some use - might be worth a try! I think our son just didn't think it was worth all the hassle of getting DH in during the night, who is lets face it though loving, not so cuddly and such a soft touch as mum...

What time does your son go to bed? sometimes overtiredness can result in waking, bizarrely enough. What nap times does he have?

Watching this with interest as I started a similar thread. DH and I were totally united in leaving dd (22 months) to cry last night. Trouble was that DH forgot to close dd's stairgate (on bedroom door), after 20 minutes of crying/pleading she realised the gate wasn't closed and trotted on through to the 'big bed'; 15 minutes later she puked up all over herself, me and bedding.....terrific! I think (hope) this was just a one-off and will continue (with the gate shut) the struggle...when will it end?

hello and thanks for all the advice. Yep he cried, I hope he cries less tomorrow, but he was in a good mood all day so guess he can't have been too traumatised by it. Dexter, he goes to bed at 7.30 and has 2-2.5 hrs in the day, speaking of which I have to go to bed as it's 10.15 here. Fingers very crossed .....

well wishfulthinking, your story did make me chuckle, although it's not really funny of course, I guess you have to laugh or you'd cry! We are on day 3 now and he seems to have gone from 4.15 to 4.45 which I guess is somedthing but he seems so wide awake at 4.45 that I have decided to try limit his daytime nap to 1 hour and see if this helps. DP often does his bedtimes he's abit of a star has always done putting down, nappy changes ect, dispite working, ah the wonders of the new age man!!!Also we've it seems whether it's me or DP who goes in to check him/offer water he gets really hysterical throws the bottle of water out again and screams loudly, so we have decided to leave him as this way he just grumbles lots but appears to be less distressed than when he sees us, hope we're not doing him any phycological damage by not going into him, but what else can I do? Hope you all are making some head way

Monday, day 5. Well we seemed to have gained half an hour in the mornings, so far. We are exausted, phisically and emotionally. He is still screaming after he wakes at five, if I go to him at all, to take him a drink of water or tell him it's too early go back to sleep he gets more hysterical. I have reduced his day sleep to one hour, problem here is now he doesn't want to eat his evening meal, guess he's too tired, shall try giving him a bigger lunch, he's not a big eater. Is this working, I don't really know...

i'm glad I started making this record as otherwise I wouldn't have a clue where we're at with this. 4.30 again this morning, he woke up screaming loudly maybe a nightmare, I succumbed to giving him a bottle at 5 as he had hardly eaten any tea so couldn't stand the thought of him being hungry, he dropped off after that for 10 mins (aahh bliss) but woke up and started crying again, when will it end

ok I have made an appointment to see a homeopathist tomorrow morning, I think we need some help with this, she has made the appointment an hour and a half long as she wants to try and get to the route of why he wakes in the first place so will be discussing the birth and events up to when he started waking, will be good to talk about it I am very curious...

KJ, I haven't posted before but have been following your thread with interest. Just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow and I hope your visit brings about some improvements

He seems to be putting up quite a fight doesn't he? Another suggestion if homepath's suggestions don't work. When ds was about 7 months and woke every couple of hours the health visitor suggested I take him to a sleep clinic. It was an NHS one, so free. It really did help to talk to somebody professional about it.

thanks busywizzy and otto the sleep clinic sounds like a really interesting idea. I live in the Netherlands but shall definately look into an equivalent here, thanks.

well we had a very interesting visit to the homeopath where ds displayed wonderfully his ability to tantrum and then be a little angel and play beatifully, extreme mood swings. The remedies will arrive in the post soon so we shall see what happens, amazing thing is he slept until 5.45 am this morning, maybe he knew I had the appointment or something ?! anyway was nice to have a lie in

Hello all. As you probably know I am going through the same things with DD and was wondering what the cost is to see a homeopath as I have taken her to the GP's again today and they sent me away with Vallergan and told me to dose her up for a few nights. Not a real solution I know but anything for longer than 2 hours sleep and thats if I'm really lucky.

Hi Tegan, sorry to hear you're still having problems. As I mentioned before I live in the Netherlands so am working in Euros and prices vary but this was a reputable homeopath and relatively expensive, she charges 86 euros (about 60 pounds) for and hour and a half including the remedies that is for the fist session and she drops it to 50 euros for and follow up sessions. I must say though I am still waiting for the remedies to come in the post but we seem to have made a breakthrough anyway. I am always nervous of saying this in case he reverts back in the morning, but... we have be been taking Dexters advise, thanks Dexter, and dp has been doing bedtimes and going in in the morning when he gets distressed and he seems to be responding better to him than to me, also we have put a night light in his room, poor kid were we traumatising him in the dark!? which ever it is, he woke at 4.30 this morning and started getting distressed so dp went in asked him to lie down which he did for the first time in a long time he went back to sleep till 5.45 please don't let this be a one off!

tegan, was just reading your thread back in december. Just something we found about the light thing, we tried leaving the light on outside ds's room (there is a glass window in the door) and he woke up very hysterical mentioned this to homeopathist she suggested that he may think we are up and ingnoring him with the light outside of his room on whereas the nightlight in his room he knows the source of. Another intersting theory, if I've understood her right is that kids these days have so much imput, t.v etc that their minds develope very quickly and their bodies just can't do certain things yet :- they get frustrated, they then get stuck in a 7-8 months old phase of wanting 'mum' to do it for them hense the clingyness, she says the homeopathy is aimed not to make him sleep but help him relax and let go a bit not so he wants to sleep. We have travelled alot with ds and live away from direct gp's so he has never gone to anyone other than us, think this may have added to his clingyness. This info has given me some insight into why he behaves the way he does, maybe this helps to us to find the solution....hopefully (smile)