I'm pregnant so need to stop feeding my 14month dd to sleep and reduce night wakings

[jasmin27]

Dd 14 months has always fed to sleep and never been a good sleeper. She feeds to sleep for her nap and bedtime and still wakes up 3/4 times a night. Lately feeding to sleep is not working all the time and sometimes I end up patting her to sleep but this is only once shes fed and takes up to an hour. So i suppose she can fall asleep without the boob but only once shes had it to get her sleepy.

I'm pregnant now and want to wean her of bf but my concern is how to get her to sleep without bf?? I think at bedtime she might eventually fall asleep but no chance of that happening for her nap. Do i just go ahead and do it or try a more gradual approach? Also should i try settling her for bedtime first and then tackle the nap or both at once? I dont want to leave her to cry but just dont know where to start with all this. I've got NCSS but it's not really working. I was thinking of breaking the feed to sleep association first then tackle the night wakings.

Those who have been through this how did you do it and how long can it take to work? Dh works nights so cant help.

hi jasmine

i am in the same boat - husband works nights - 10 month old who is bottlefed -but will not resettle withough a sleep so at the moment he is up 2-3 times a night - yuk!! - for the last couple of months

i have to say i have a toddler girl - first child and i did really focus on sleep routine and it worked and i never fed her at night when she woke - but she took a dummy and she would tolerate being cuddled

my baby boy just arches his back, will not be cuddled or held just wants a feed/suck prior to sleep and will cry up to hysteria if i do not do this

and i have fed him at night so this is his sleep assoc - at the moment i am giving him diluted feed trying to get him onto really low dose of milk/ then its water for him

my night time strategy - is we both have taken 1 week off in dec - and we are going to try to teach baby boy to self soothe with cuddly blanket or something - he will not take a dummy - i imagine its going to be hellish which is why we've taken wk off - it essentially means - baby cry, go in pick up, shhhh and put down in cot - and let them cry for a bit - go in pick up shhh and put down in cot ....and so it goes on

i absolutely know baby boy is relying on milk cause i feed him for an easy life as i was shattered from working, toddler, and up at nights - he's also been really coldy at nights as well so i feel sorry for him

daytime naps - if baby boy wakes at 8am - then i don't give him a morning nap - i just push him thru till 11.30ish/11.45- then lunch - then settle into cot about 12ish

he will wake up approx 45mins later and i leave him to resettle - if that totally fails - then i nap him quickly approx 15mins approx 4pm- for bed at 6.30ish...

hope other folk can help ...keep posting as i am breaking habits too!!

My DS is 17 months nearly, when he was 15 months I'd completely had enough of bfing and co sleeping. I was also worried about still doing it when I got pregnant and wanted to give it up.

We knew he wouldnt sleep in a cot because he had been so used to being next to me in my bed. So we took the mattress out the cot and put it on the floor in his room. The first couple of nights I settled him to sleep still bfing but in his own room. After 2 nights I fed him as usual but he started messing around so I just laid him down and put my arms round him and gently shushed him. He actually went to sleep I really couldnt believe it. I did the same technique everytime he woke in the night and for naps.

Fast forward to now and he's still on the mattress in his room but I just sit on his floor and say sshh every now and then. It's slow going but I gave up the feeding which was my main aim. He doesnt really sleep through but I think that's a personality thing and not to do with how they go to sleep.

Anyway he's getting a toddler bed for Xmas so I will just do the same thing for when he's in that.

Hope you get some solution, it feels great to have my body back (and my bed!).

I was in a similar position - pregnant and wanted to stop BF to sleep (plus night wakings and naps).

I got DH to resettle DS for night wakings. In the early days of this, DS would scream his head off for me. Sometimes I'd give in but after time he stopped waking and asking. I'd be able to resettle him without "mummy milk".

For bedtime, we started giving warm milk as part of the routine and getting DH to do more of the bedtimes without a bf. Over time, DS got used to not having a feed and if he asked, I'd say "tomorrow" or "all finished" and we'd have cuddles instead.

Naps were the last to stop - after DS had stopped all other feeds, I tackled these just by saying later or tomorrow. It was quite easy - I was worried but as he goes down for naps with his nanny no problem, I knew he didn't need it.

The most important thing was not wearing low cut tops as this would remind DS of mummy milk and he would ask which I found hard to refuse. Also if he was ill or upset and asked, I'd feed.

It was a gradual process -'DS is 2.2 and we started weaning 7 months ago. He asked for some today having not asked for weeks but this was because he's ill. I expect when number 2 arrives (due next week), and he sees me feeding, he'll want some. I'll let him try if he isn't fobbed off but hoping he'll forget how to suckle!!

Slowly worked better for us - I couldn't bear going cold turkey. Probably could have been more pro active in the earlier months it hey ho.

Thanks for the replies. Iggly so glad to hear it can be done without lot's of crying. I think i'm going to try a more gradual approach like yours and hopefully it will work.
Rainbow sorry to hear you're in the same boat. Good luck in your week off. I was also thinking of trying to sort it out over xmas whilst dh is off work.
I spoke to a friend today who was in a similar situation and she told me dd might wean herself before i'm 12 weeks pregnant. Fingers crossed.

This was me about 18m ago.
I still bf dd2 to sleep as I didn't follow her cues and find a different way to get her to sleep. We could spend 2 hours trying to feed to sleep but I think she wanted to wean but the milk was too tempting. What would of helped was DP doing his share and helping to settle her but he was an arse and wouldn't. I did tackle the night wakings and they were easier then the initial feed to sleep.

Bedtimes now are feed dd2 to sleep at 7.30 then feed dd3 to sleep. We have though managed to shorten bedtime and DP is not so much an arse and can get DD3 to sleep by himself. DP's help is very much appreciated and needed

Had a really good evening when putting dd to sleep earlier. I fed till she closed her eyes but still a but awake and then tried to rock her she cried so put her down on the bed expecting her to cry but she just turned over and fell asleep. She even moved my arm away! Will keep trying this over next few days. Need to work on her night wakings now. She's already woke twice since putting her down at 8.

I was hoping to find some advice too. DD just turning 1 and totally breast dependent for sleeping. She wakes up every 2 hours on average and I'm starting to crack. Not desperate to wean her but I suspect it's encouraging the waking. I hate letting her cry. Not sure how to tackle it.

She yelled for over an hour this evening when she woke and I withheld milk (had already fed her twice). Cuddles apparently not enough. And instead of crying herself asleep she cried herself awake so I ended up bringing her downstairs again. Have just gone through another half hour of screaming but she has gone quiet.

Tough to deal with when you're already so knackered. Let's see how she sleeps tonight. Better get to sleep myself but feeling a bit wired!

Hi NK, i've not even tried to tackle the night wakings yet, i'm being a bit lazy. Like you said it's hard when you're knackered and i just want her to sleep. Are you still feeding to sleep? The No cry sleep solution book has some good ideas. I think trying to remove her from my boob before she is asleep and then settle has finally started to work. I've been doing it on and off for a couple of months now. Sorry no better advice. Good luck with tonight.

Hi I have put a watch on this thread, as I was about to post on almost the same issue. Don't ask how we got here, but DD is 18 months and I still bf her to sleep, with limited success putting her down just before she drops off. She starts off in a cot next to our bed and then I bring her into bed when she first wakes - usually after 3-4 hours. Then she co-sleeps and is booby-mad all night. DH and I have discussed as we agree no point starting anything if there's any ambivalence or disagreement on tactics. We were going to start over Christmas but I have been a bit under the weather recently and feel a real urge to do something now as I'm sure being constantly woken up doesnt' help one's immune system. DD has got three molars through - she is a very late teether and it's all only really been going on in last three months. I guess I wonder if it's best to get that last molar through - or is it just another sign of my ambivalence? I bought NCSS a year ago and although I agree with the philosophy behind it entirely, DD is quite a challenge to me because she is so inconsolable when I refuse her the breast.

Whenwilliasleep sounds tough. I've been told by a frind that if you decide to just stop feeding it will take a few days of crying but then they do get the hang if it. I really dont want too much crying so hoping if i keep putting her down half awake she will get hang of it do when i do stop there won't be too much crying. I would just go with what you feel best, there will always ve something teething,ill etc. I think you will have to go through a few days of upset but think of the long term. Hopefully someone else will have some more advice.

Hello,

Have raced through the thread as am having similar issues ( except not pregnant and this my 3rd...)
What we are going to do, is what I did with my two boys when they were 14 months; I'm stopping breastfeeding today. She 's 10 months, and slept quite well when smaller, but has over the last two months turned into a night terror ( for us, not as in her having any night mares) Will put a watch on the thread as now she just woke up from nap.
Am expecting a small week of tears,and then better nights. It's easies if your partner/husband can help you so maybe schedule for a holiday?
I'm just beyond waiting for the holidays, it's too much!

how are all you sleep deprived ladies going - tonight is the night we start on the big sleep adventure - dreading it - have already put the start night off by 2 nights!! - but have to get going as we only have 1 week to crack this nut of waking habits
baby joe is definately not hungry - he just needs soothing

& additionally baby joe is red cheeked fully teething - up 3 times a night - and still screams like a banshee if you don't feed him

last night fed at 12pm
up at 2am - cuddled back to calm after a long while
up at 3.30am - fed very watery feed and this has to be a cuddle from now on
up at 5.30am - milk fed

so the change is that we're just going to offer warm water and brace ourselves for the onslaught of screaming baby

Night one is tonight!! - gulp feel like a huge glass of wine now!!:)

Good luck rainbow and turbo. I am so tired with my DD that it's hard to know where to begin. Lots of ideas on this thread, though. Will continue to watch and may do a separate post, as, unfortunately, the night bf mania has gone on a bit longer with my DD than some of your LOs

Night One: strategy very diluted warmwater/milk bottle feeds (basically we chickened out on stopping all feeds)

17.00 supper
18.30 220 mls milk & then bed

wake ups:
10.30pm 150mls fell back asleep
04.30am 120mls very diluted back to sleep

Night two tonight - moved Cot out of bedroom (we had him in as he had a heavy cold and it was easier to manage)

strategy: warm watermilk Less Volume, more patting, physical comfort to get him back to his cot and let him resettle

lets see what happens ...eeeek!

night 2...

baby joe is physically strong force to be reckoned with - arches his back and is really difficult to hold but i we got thru the night with NO FEEDs and i am utterly delighted

no going back now we are on the right path i think

i had a bottle of warm water with smidgen of milk which he did not like as it was essentially warm water - so he took a few sucks and rejected then cried, arched back got frustrated

• so it was pure cuddle, pat, pat, put down, shhhh, leave to cry/resettle....go back pat pat, pick up ,shhh, leave to cry, go back pick up pat pat, put down shhh in cot, shhh in cot leave to room so he could resettle

did this at 10.30pm for half an hour - went back to sleep

and again at 01.00am for 40 mins

woke up at 06.45am

Really happy as this is the first time no feeds during the night -and really its just the idea of being able to get him from an angry frustrated baby into calm baby which i am happy with and now i know he can do it

Being on holiday for couple of nights/days definately takes the stress out of it

Night 3......adventures in sleep continues .....hope your getting some sleep

Hi ladies, not logged in for a couple of days my phone broke. Rainbow sounds like you're doing really well. Hope tonight goes just as well. All sleep training is on hold for us we're all full of cold. Good luck for tonight.

rainbow I admire you. So encouraging to see how you're getting on. My DD is a force to be reckoned with too, so brilliant to see that it is possible to get these determined LOs to a calm state.

Hey, how's everyone doing? My DD's a bit older than the other LOs on this thread, 19mo tomorrow. I tackled the night feeding on Tuesday - not planned, but she woke up around 9pm having been sick, and was sick a few more times, so DH and I agreed this was the moment to act. It has gone amazingly well - I think. DD did protest the first two nights, but the third night she slept for 8 hours, which was unprecedented. I have made her go to sleep in her cot after a bf at bedtime and then offered water or just layed her straight down if she wakes in the night. The last two nights have been good in that she's hardly protested and settled very quickly but less good in that she's woken 4 times between bedtime around 7pm and 5am which is the watershed when she can come into our bed. I'm knackered but hoping that the quick settling and the going to bed at night without being bf to sleep will eventually pay off and we'll have some more 8 hours stints or longer. Tonight would be nice!