It's after 10 pm and I can hear her still awake

[marykat2004]

I have posted here many times. I have seen the lady at school who is meant to help with problems. I am at my wits end.

I have a 7 year old who will not go to sleep. I am about to go in and scream at her but instead I am typing here.

Tonight she was begging me to lie down while she went to sleep. I refused, blah blah etc and it's ended up with the door open, at her request. But I said my typing will keep her wake. But she 'wants mummy' and 'loves mummy' and wants the door open so she will know I am here.

We started bedtime routine at 7, had a long story and I left the room at 8. She got up several times and finally insisted the door stay open.

Rewards don't work, sanctions don't work. NOTHING works. If I try to say I will take away something she likes, she says she doesn't want that thing anyway, and what can we get rid of to make more space? And of course taking away computer games, she says "take away beanie babies, I don't play that any more anyway." She just does not understand that she has to go to sleep.

how does one get professional help?? I don't even have a job at the moment.

I personally think that 7pm bedtime for a 7yr old is too early. She is probably not tired yet. I would put her to bed a 8pm.

Bedtime routine - 8pm read story. Have light out by 8.20pm. Say goodnight. Do not fall for any of the tricks like thirsty, need bathroom, need you. If she comes out of her room - no eye contact, no talking to her, put her back in bed and walk away, and keep doing it until she gets the message.

I think the second part of mumof4sons post is spot on.

You know that she wants and loves you, but she needs to go to sleep. If she won't go to sleep, then enforce the idea that she stays in her room, alone, no talking, no playing. Quiet time in her bed, perhaps with a book. If she gets up, don't engage with her, just lead her back to bed.

I don't think 7pm is too early though for a 7 year old. Until the age of 11 our bedtime was set at 7pm, then extended by an hour roughly with each year, until we went to bed at about 10pm. It depends on the child.

Thank you. I have a clear week of nothing to do in the evenings, will try harder to get this to work.

DD1 is 8 (nearly 9 now) and used to be like this. Things radically improved when instead of bed at 7.30 and lights out at 8, we moved to bed at 8.30 and lights out at 9 (a bit earlier if she seems really tired). I had to come to terms with the fact that she just doesn't need as much sleep as I thought she did!

My DS is exactly the same...he is 9!! Nothing works, we have tried it all. If left he will cry and cry and cry and just gets louder and louder. He is really scared and I hate leaving him like it.

Will watch this thread with interest!

ok. Why is there a problem with having the door open?

And as long as she is in bed, why not just lethe get on with it? She'll fall asleep eventually- you can't go to sleep to order.

Move the night time routine a bit later, leave calmly with th door open and get on your evening.

Do you think she might be scared of something?

I think she might be scared of losing her parents. Her grandfather passed away recently and she has got extra clingy since then. She has a good grasp of fiction and reality so I don't think she's afraid of monsters.

The reason I'm not happy with the door open is that it means she can hear all the noises from the next room. DD has always been a bit of a jack in the box (getting up a lot before settling) but since 18 months old has not had us in the room while falling asleep. If we had to stay in a hotel room on holiday, all in the same room, she wouldn't sleep until midnight. She doesn't fall asleep with things going on around her.

Maybe they need less sleep at 7 years old than at 5 or 6? I guess that could be. I get really wound up about her not going to sleep if it's after 9 pm, and if it is after 10 I really freak out. We get up between 7:30 and 8 am. A child of 7 years old should not be going to sleep after 10 pm!

If she's scared then why don't you just lie down with her until she falls asleep?

That must be hard marykat. ALthough DD1 had no underlying worries that I know of, we found she started going to sleep EARLIER if she went to bed later. So now she has her light out at 9.00 and is almost always asleep by 20 past.

Mary

Do not lie down with her. When do you leave? 10pm when she finally falls asleep? You need your adult time and relaxation.

I agree with the later bedtime maybe with hot milk and a lavender bath or lavender on pillow. No tv, no distractions and stay firm. Keep to the routine.

Redrubyblues What's wrong with her lying down with her if she's scared? Maybe if she did then it might take 15 instead of 3 hours? I would try a later bedtime as well, 7 does seem early and try seeing if she will fall asleep more quickly if you give her a cuddle.

Thank you. I'm trying to get the idea of bed into our heads at 7 but then move into it quite slowly. I think an awful problem before was that sometimes we would be doing something, i don't even know what, but if a computer was on and any of the 3 of us were on it, inevitably, I would suddenly notice it was getting late and then have to rush bedtime.

Bedtime is MUCH better if it is taken slowly. Not "oh no, look at the time, you should be in bed!" and by late, I mean, 8, but 8 is too late to START the teeth/pajamas/story etc (we don't have a bath every night, but do start earlier if there is a bath to be had).

Tonight we started just before 7:30, and I left the room at 8:30 to hang up the washing, promising I would check on her again in 10 minutes, which I did. And then not a peep.

So actually falling asleep around 9 is not so bad..

A child of 7 years old should not be going to sleep after 10 pm!

Mine does, sometimes. Still first one of us awake many mornings . Almost never asleep before 9:15pm. I never slept very much as a child, either.

Hmm... neither did I! I remember looking out the window at the moon a lot during the night when I was a child. Sometimes I was very tired in school but I still did ok, I guess.. it still winds me up though if she is pestering and whinging on and on for hours..