warned about co-sleeping in same bed by midwife

[TeacupTempest]

Had/have every intention of cosleeping when little one arrives in the next few weeks. We have altered our room so we have two good sized single beds pushed together and against a wall on one side. So much more room than in an average double. We had planned to have baby sleeping my side between me and wall. DH and I now have a single duvet each.

Today the midwife informed me they no longer recommend co-sleeping in the same bed as baby is more likely to overheat.

I had felt confident about our decision but am now feeling a bit wobbly...

Any advice?

Hello teacup, I am a health visitor and our current advice is that co-sleeping is safe if guidelines are followed. At one time we were told parents should not co-sleep but most of us know that many parents do sleep with their babies so the advice was changed to reflect this (I co-slept with my son as a baby too). We tell parents that it's okay to co-sleep but there are certain circumstances where it is not advised such as if you/your partner:

? are a smoker, even if you never smoke in bed or at home
? have been drinking alcohol
? take medication or drugs that make you drowsy
? feel very tired;
or if your baby:
? was born before 37 weeks
? weighed less than 2.5kg

The FID (Foundation for Sudden Infant Death) also add "if the baby is less than 4 months old" to that list which I guess is why your midwife gave that advice. There is lots of info out there arguing about this but certainkly I slept with my DS as a baby, no duvet on him, just a blanket and my husband slept in the spare bed because he was paranoid he would roll on DS.

Midwives an hv do this. Just smile and nod sweetly.

However, I wouldn't pu baby between you and the wall. If baby slips off the bed they can get stuck between mattress and wall. Not good.

I have two single beds pushed together two. But not against a wall. I have a bed guard to stop me worrying that baby will fall off the bed :)

FWIW I co-slept with ds3 from the day he was born. He slept in the middle of the double bed in between H and me, on top of the duvet with his own sheet and blanket to reduce the chance of overheating. He slept soundly from the very beginning of his life, unlike his two brothers who I put in a moses basket at the side of my bed as advised. Dses1 and 2 both ended up sleeping in with us, although it took me a couple of months to cave in each time, as they woke so often in the night.

There is a risk of overheating, or even of smothering, with co-sleeping, but it's a small risk. There is much more likelihood of you ending up sleep-deprived because of a wakeful baby, but you have to work out which risk to take.

I have to say that personally I wouldn't go for putting baby against the wall as there is a gap, however tiny, between the bed and the wall. In the middle is, in my opinion, safer, but I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to prove me wrong!

I hate to be the devils advocate but its the link to SIDS that would put me off co-sleeping, to me it feels risky esp as new mums are beyond tired most of the time.

At the end of the day you have to weigh up the pros and cons and do what 'feels' right for you.

I could never sleep with baby so close as would be constantly worried that they were too hot, cold, close to the side, getting smoothered........... I felt much happier with my baby next to me safe and snug in her moses basket.

If you are concerned about overheating, one thing you can do is put baby on top of the duvet in a sleeping bag, so they are next to you but not under your duvet.

Smile and nod, smile and nod.
I cannot workout how you BF and not co-sleep at least part of the time.

Certainly our local breastfeeding supporters are advocates of co-sleeping, even though I struggled and ended up bottlefeeding I still co-slept.

I think in most cases where babies have died while co-sleeping there are other factors to take into consideration which is why we say don't co-sleep if you smoke, have had alcohol, any drugs which make you extra sleepy etc. When a baby dies there is a huge look at the circumstances surrounding the event - that's where the guidelines come from - common themes which have run through these cases.

You have to do what you feel is right - for me co-sleeping felt the completely natural thing to do but I know from work that other parents feel totally differently. Diffrent strokes for different folks and all that.....

Nod and smile then get her to read this: www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

Thank you for all the replies and advice.

We feel confident with our choice (as much as one can) with regard to SIDS; following the guidelines mentioned above. I think I just started to question the practicalities of avoiding overheating after the class today.

I see what you mean about the small gap next to the wall. I shall look into a bed guard. Cant really have baby between us as the gap issue is still there with the two singles pushed together. I have bought a grow bag type thing for later so little one could be on top of my duvet and in that...

There isn't actually a link between safe co-sleeping or bed sharing and SIDS. Many cases actually classified as co-sleeping deaths involved other risk factors or sofa-sleeping which is extremely unsafe. Look for Dr James McKenna's research, it's excellent and clearly debunks many myths about co-sleeping and bed sharing.

I'd be a gibbering wreck if I didn't bed share with 17mo DD who feeds anywhere from 2-6 times in an average night!

It's not safe to have your baby between you and their Dad anyway. More chance of overheating and Dad's sleep much more deeply than Mums and are much more likely to roll onto a baby. (hence my DH often asks if DD slept through even though she's often woken more than once!)

ds1 slept tucked under my arm from birth til he was about 12 months old... i'd never heard of co sleeping or read anything about it at the time, nor did i ever mention it or get asked about by HV, it was just the only way he'd get to sleep.

I was scared about co-sleeping and for the first ten weeks had DS in a co-sleeping cot, attached to the bed but with a little lip that was between us.

At ten weeks he and I moved to his nursery, on a futon mattress on the floor, and co-slept "properly". He's 8.5 months, and we're still doing it. The thing that amazes me is just how natural it feels to me and how confident I am about it. And now I get to actually sleep! I really wasn't expecting that. It has made everything a million times easier, and it completely emphasises the kind of rhythm between us. But I was worried about all sorts of things beforehand - it's just that actually doing it, for us, feels so right.

We co-sleep as it's the only way DS will sleep. He manages to shuffle right into me, I shuffle away (in my sleep - must be concerned he is getting too hot!) and end up with my bum hanging over the edge!

I don't worry about it, but I'm glad other people are not as judgey as my mum, who said 'you shouldn't do that' with a cats bum mouth and a reproachful tone when I told her. What does she expect - I can be up all night trying to settle a baby into a basket he clearly doesn't want to be in, and risk waking my other 2 children who I will then have to care for the next day? Not going to happen.