I'm doing this completely wrong, help me please!

[Iamjustthemilkmachine]

DS, 8 mo co-sleeps with me, dh is in the spare room, he (ds) used to sleep ok, albeit feeding many times during the night but I mainly dreamfed. He had a sleep regression at 7 months (he was very late, so I thought that was the 8 month sleep regression) but there is just no figuring him out now. On a good day he has two naps during the day, one starting at anytime between 10 and 11.30, lasting for between half to one hour, and then a longer one in the afternoon, hopefully before 5. With this he is in bed and asleep with luck before 9pm, then he wakes up at 11, 1, etc until 7.30. BUT this is a rare occurrence, today for example, had his morning nap at 12 (swimming class at 10.30) until 1, then at 5.15 until 6.45, which is far too late, now he won't be in bed before 10pm, if that. And every day is slightly different. DH thinks I stress about nothing and that ds is just 'unroutinely' like me (he means disorganized), but I feel that I'm doing this completely wrong, I like to do things with ds every day, but this means our 'routine' isn't routine, what can I do?

Try to keep bed time to a specific time at night. My little boy goes down from 8 at night until about half 8 in the morning, and i am sorry but he does need his own cot now, sad i know but you need him in his own bed or he will still be coming into bed with you at 6 or 7 (my friends youngest son still does and he is 7) My little boy has one nap a day but i tend to let him take it when he seems like hes getting tired. But not after about four in the afternoon and i give him perhaps 2 hours tops. It is just a case of finding a way that works. x

my 11 month old is exactly the same and was at 8 months too. I wonder if by co-sleeping I am waking him. He also hardly sleeps in the day. particularly not when he's in nursery. I basically feel happy if I manage to get him to bed some time between 7.30 and 9!

I don't think there's any magic to co-sleeping or not co-sleeping. Some babies do seem to sleep better in their own cot, others don't. I am sorry, but it simply isn't true that you have to get him into a cot now or he'll still be in your bed at 6 or 7. That's a bit like saying you have to potty train him now or he'll still be in nappies at 7 - you make the transition when it's right for your baby.

I would agree, however, with setting a consistent bed time. He's old enough to benefit from a bedtime routine and may sleep better. If he hasn't had a second nap, I would be inclined to push on through and even bring bedtime forward a bit, not have a nap and push it back.

I'd then pick a couple more fixed-ish points in the day - a rough lunch and a rough tea time for example. The rest of the day will naturally slot into a rough pattern, with plenty of flexibility.

OTOH, what do I know, DD1 didn't sleep through until nearly one (wasn't co-sleeping with her, am much more with DD2 who's only 5 months).

Yuleingfanjo although thanks for your post, it doesn't give me hope ! Do you have a bedtime routine? Love your festive name btw.

ellenandbump well done on your 12.5 hours! I find it difficult to avoid a nap after 4 as when I have tried he ends up falling asleep at 7 and waking (properly, full of beans wide awake) at 9! However I cosleep because it's good for us and don't think that's the problem. It meant that I managed to stablish bf against all odds and he puts on weight wonderfully which took a whole team of hvs off our backs. I couldn't have done it without cosleeping.

secondtimelucky, thanks, I'd be happy if he sleeps through at 1, and really I don't mind feeding him durign the night, it's the late bedtime that kills me, as well as the waking up ready to play at 3am, thinking about it we do have some routine-like things, but they don't involve a bath as it gives him a second wind. And I don't know how to enforce the earlier bedtime as when I try we end up going to bed 4 or 5 times between 8 and 10, get to bed and then he screams murder, the only way to calm him down is leaving the room...

Sorry to say it, but I think you might just have to ride it out if you want to establish an earlier bedtime. It could take a week at least for him to get used to the change. You could either cope with the up/down/up/down or try moving bedtime back by 15 minutes every couple of days until you get to the time you want.

I am no expert, but I'd probably start by thinking about the hour before bed and try and make that whole hour quiet and calm. No bath if it gives him a second wind, but quiet stories, dim lights, quiet tv (if it doesn't over excite him). It doesn't have to be a 7pm bed time. You could aim for 8 or 8:30 if it suits you better.

secondtimelucky, so if i were to try to put him to bed at say 8pm, but then he refuses, we come back down, then up, etc. until he gets the idea of going to sleep at 8? It seems to me that he only goes to sleep when he is ready, and then he settles really fast, perhaps the issue are the naps?

I do think that by this point they need routine/predictable days if you want them to sleep well at night - when they are little it is easy to just go with the flow and let them sleep as and when, but at some point you have to give up a bit of flexibility and work round nap times if you want the night times to be predictable.

At this age my ds had one nap in the morning around 10am for an hour, and another in the afternoon around 2-4, then bedtime about 7.30-8pm. I'd try to time things so we'd go out before or after naps, or so he could sleep on the way etc. It does take a bit more planning but it was worth it for us.

I'm sure you are right ritamorgan, I will try and pay more attention to my planning, it is difficult though, as both swimming and sing and sign that we do clash with morning naps and he doesn't always sleep before them.