advice on controlled crying v cry-it-out

[dreamsofsleep]

Hello, am desperate for some advice from those who have tried both methods. My 9 month old dd has never slept through. Her best was 8ish pm to 4/5ish am . We have sporadically tried leaving her to cry and it has worked in that she has eventually gone back to sleep and slept a long stretch - but only after an hour plus of crying. That said it was on again off again crying - I would not leave her to cry continuously. She was waking twice a night up till about 7.5 mths then went down to once a night after the above mentioned being left to cry. Then she had a chest infection and went back to waking three times a night. Tonight she woke 30 mins after being put down at bedtime (v unusual for her) and has been doing heartrendingly anguished crying since. We left her, then went in, cuddled etc. She didn't respond that well to DH, think she wanted me. Tried calpol just in case it's a tooth though i really don't think it is. Put her down again and she was off crying again. I think she is gradually getting there now - alternating short bursts of screeching with quiet periods.
Sorry that was a long rant. My questions are

1. Is there a 9 mth sleep regression/separation from mummy anxiety - she was way more anguished tonight than ever before
2. could someone please explain exactly how controlled crying works?
3. are there any advocates of cry it out as opposed to controlled crying out there? To be honest I am not cure cc will work for DD as she seems to get more hysterical when i go in. oh btw she is bf, 1 bottle a day plus solids, i still bf at night when she wakes thanks for any advice. and please don't judge - i know leaving her to cry sounds awful but it truly breaks my heart -I am not a harridan but a very mushy mummy but it's the only thing that even vaguely works with her.

Listen sweetie don't get upset, we are all here to help each other. I had the same problems that you are currently having my lo isn't a perfect sleeper but she is much improved. I can tell you what worked for me was Tizzie Hall's method of self-settling although some argue that it is a variant of cry it out although I disagree.
Controlled crying is when you go leave your baby initially then come back in 5 mins later to reassure her, then 10 minutes later, then 20 minutes increasing the time between reassuring her until she falls asleep. To be honest with you I think both methods can work if the baby is content and tired but I wouldn't try either until she is completely well that way you can rule out what is actually upsetting her. CC wouldn't work for me either she sees me and wants me and gets hysterical if ignored.
There is a sleep regression but that will pass into distant memory!
Cry it out is basically when you don't go in at all and let them cry till they sleep. With Hall's method if the baby is very upset you are told to go in and comfort them immeadiately, which is what I did when I tried it. You just have to trust your instincts and do what is right for you. HTH :)

Yes there is a 9 month separation anxiety plus developmental leap which messes with sleep.

When was the chest infection? Could she still be under the weather?

Also at 9 months, it's common for baby's nap needs to change which can result in overtiredness at bedtime having a knock on effect at night.

As Iggly said, yes at this age separation anxiety, plus a very major developmental leap means that their sleep goes haywire. She sounds distressed because she is. She can't self settle because her brain's doing some pretty impressive and consuming things. She will be as upset and frustrated as you.

At the same time the separation anxiety is very obvious at this age. They simply do not understand when you're coming back, how to manage their feelings or how to express themselves outside of crying. It's a choice you make. Your child is struggling with being away from you and unable to self settle. What is it you want to teach her? I don't mean to sound pious or rude, it's v hard on an online forum. It's all kindly meant. But basically, it's not her fault. It's normal developmental stuff and she will find it v hard. You choose to help her through it gently, knowing it's a phase or you leave her to her distress.

If you do want to explore other avenues, there are proactive things you can do. Have you tried things like the No Cry Sleep Solution? Gradual withdrawal?

Your baby's sleep patterns sound utterly normal this far. You can try and change her natural patterns (gently or otherwise) or you can change what you do so you're less tired and coping better until this phase passes.

thanks all, that is very useful advice and support! I've never heard of tizzie hall (thought i was an authority of every baby sleep guru under sun!) but will check her out. Showofhands - what you say makes a lot of sense and actually your reassurance that it's just a phase gives me strength to not leave her to cry - my main fear about going in to settle her is that it will create a habit that will be impossible or v difficult to break. but we;ve had tricky phases before with slee p -ie the 4 mth regression - when i thought i'd lose the plot but it did pass.
Has anyone tried and had success with the No Cry Sleep Solution?