Trying to set a bed time and pre-bed routine for 9 week old - am I wasting my time?

[PinkFondantFancy]

For the last week or so I've been trying to set a bed time and stick to a nighttime routine for my DD. However, all this seems to have achieved so far is frustrating evenings from 7pm until 11pm (best case) or 1am (worst case) of sitting in a darkened room feeding, shushing, rocking, trying to put down, in various combinations until she eventually gives up and goes to sleep. I am so frustrated and wonder if trying to do this is all a big waste of time. The evenings just drag and drag and I am starting to dread them. Is she just too young? I'm not sure what else to try.

No, not too young. You have described me, 13 months ago. I started the routine with DD at 4 weeks, just to give me something to start on to try and persuade myself I could stay sane!!!

I spent, like you, many, many hours and nights, upstairs, in the dark, shushing and rocking and feeding and refusing to bring DD downstairs. At 9 week, sshe went to sleep for the first time!! By 12 weeks we had our evenings, every evening. She evn amazed me with a sleeping through effort!!!

I DREADED the evenings, and the nights, with a passion. It was worth it though. I say stick to it. Good luck

I always put don btw. lots of shushing, occ singing, but I tried to keep it boring, as advised etc etc. You're doing great!!

MAybe introduce the routine more gradually....? so something relaxing, bath, feed at the same time every evening and then gradually add the being put to bed bit of the routine....

And remember babies get worried and won't sleep if parent gets stressed so use it as a time to learn meditation for you too!

Also songs are good - same songs at same time each evening....helped with DS... That said what really worked best for him was when I started co-sleeping with him...

I have a 10wo DD who has fallen into a bedtime routine of bath, feed then bed but this has been led by her and us realising that she was getting really tired about 6.15ish and then really grumpy when we kept her downstairs. This is completely different though to my previous 2 children who just stayed downstairs with us alternately awake and dozing all evening. This went on until they were about 12 weeks old and we realised that they were actually spending most of the evening asleep and not waking at all when we moved into having a bedtime routine. I think if it works for you to keep them downstairs then that's a lot less stressful than trying to enforce a nighttime routine that they might not be ready for.

If you're feeding yourself then have a little break around 8pm - Maybe give bubbs a bath, then dressed and ready for bed all nice and quiet (we used a lullaby type song) then up to a dark room, just a night light or tv on quiet and feed, then put down and leave them to self settle and sleep - We did this from about a week old with DS and he was sleeping from 10pm till 9am and then earlier and earlier till he was in bed by 7 until 8 ... Don't think you'll ever get them there that quickly, so be ready for late nights etc but just figure it out for yourself

My DS is 2.3 now and he is bed for 6pm every night after dinner, bath, PJs milk/hot choc bed! He slept in until 9:45 this morning!

I remember talking to a lady who had her DD at a similar time to mine and she and her partner used to say things like "Oh Daddy are you going to bed now" when her DD was about 6 weeks old ha ha ha the things you do to make them go to bed!

HTH XxX

If it 's even remotely stressful, stop at once. Hqve her downstairs with you. Get on with your life around her- you'll have an evening then to chat, watch tv- whatever. There aren't enough hours in the day to waste 3 of them in q fruitless attempt to get a babyntomdo something she's not ready to do.

All my friends said to put my LO in a routine asap and I do kinda wish that I had as I didn't until she was a year old and I had to go back to work. Keep going you won't see results for weeks but in the long term its better for your sanity. Do what feels right you're the mummy you know whats best for your LO.

We did this with my DS when he was 7 weeks. We started with a winding down period in his nursery, bath, bottle and bed and we tried to get him to be asleep by 6.30 - 7. he is now 13 weeks and I think he really likes the routine so much I would like to push back the time to see if he will last longer in the morning, currently waking between 5.30 and 6 am. it is so nice to have our evenings back as I dreaded them so much they made me feel sick with anxiety. Good luck and go for it!

So you started trying to set a routine at 7 weeks, and at 13 weeks he is happy with it. Could I gently suggest that a 7 week old is a very different creature to a 13 week old and has very different needs. I would put money on the 13 week old being happy with the routine whether you started at 7 or 12 weeks.

Agree with Seeker.

I really don't understand spending 8 or more weeks dreading the evenings to get a baby to settle by 12/13 weeks, IMO is madness. By 12/13 weeks they will be far more ready for a routine anyway.

PFF - why do you want her in bed? Are you not happy with her being up napping & sleeping as she wishes? They are only tiny for such a little while, snuggle, feed & enjoy would be my advice!

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your advice and thoughts. I love snuggles with her, I was just worried I was making a rod for my own back by having snuggles downstairs watching telly until 11ish. Ive decided to bin the bedtime routine for now and maybe start again in the new year, maybe once I start weaning her. As you say, she will be little for such a short period that I am going to try and make the most of her being like this.

It might be easier to wait until she's consistently falling asleep at the same time every night and then make that bedtime. Once I noticed ds was falling asleep about 9pm every evening (on us downstairs in front of the TV!) we started doing the bath-feed-bed thing from about 8pm with the last feed in the dark bedroom.

While you're still spending hours feeding etc in the evening though it's better to do that in front of the TV than stuck in a bedroom on your own. Things will change in the next few weeks and you'll probably find she starts falling asleep earlier.

I moved to a routine with my DS when he was about 5 months and before then I did what you have been doing and kept him downstairs, sleeping in his moses basket between feeds. I think basically I had the No-Cry Sleep Solution which said before 4 months (?I think) you may as well not worry as they will do what they want to do re sleeping patterns. I think the ones who settle with a routine at 7, 12 weeks etc would probably always have done that.

:) That's great. Honestly, you are not making a rod for your own back when she's this tiny. Enjoy all of your snuggles!

I disagree with most people above. I started a routine for my breastfed DC after about a week or so and it was great. Yes, it's nice to have your little one around but I found that it saved my sanity having a few hours in the evening to relax. I also have had no problems with bedtimes since and have two great sleepers. Both DC are happy and content (now aged 4 and 6)

I had a great book called Baby secrets that really helped us.

All the best

When I started the routine at 7 weeks we had found that he slept most evenings either on me or my DP. We gradually moved him into the next room and eventually in our room into his moses basket, by week 8 I was on holiday in northumberland and he was settled and sleeping by half six, he slept through to the dream feed at 10.15 and then either waking at 3 or through till 6. The anxiety I experienced was before 7 weeks as he was so unsettled in the evening. Routines are not for reveryone but as a family we are happy with it.

My DD is now almost 17 weeks (how did that happen??!) and we've started to try again. Same thing happening- doesn't go down to sleep until midnight-ish. I am so frustrated. She surely shouldnt still be cluster feeding all evening still. I really need to be able to get more sleep, I'm getting desperate now.

How much sleep is she getting in the day? Are you structuring/limiting daytime naps at all? Also, how often is she feeding in the day?

I need to keep a proper daytime nap log but I'd say she's napping for about an hour every 3 or 4 hours. If we're out in the pram she'll slerp more though. No nap structure, just watch her for when she gets tired (she becomes very 'shouty' and unhappy if she's been awake too long). Feeds about every 3 or 4 hours during the day too.

When I say an hour for naps, that's only really in the pram or on me. More like 1/2 hour tops if in cot...

Hmm, doesn't seem like too much daytime sleep then. From memory I think I made an effort to keep DS awake after 2.30pm from about 12 weeks and that did mean he slept better in the evenings/at night. However, that was somewhat dependent on him having a good lunchtime nap of 2 hours.

I would possibly work on the lunchtime nap in cot for 2 hours. If you can crack that, then at least you also get some time to grab a nap so if she's not good at night you're not exhausted.