having crisis about my whole approach!

[sunnyweather]

Hi I'm searching for reassurance about my whole approach and words of wisdom as im having a wobbly day. Im reallyopen to all advice but please be gentle! Feel i have to give the whole story so this might be long...

Ds is 51/2 months and my first. From very early he was never able to sleep very easily unless being fed to sleep and then being held.(he can sleep for a long time if I sit on the sofa holding him after a feed) always the thing people say about him is 'hes soooo alert'. He is generally very contented especially when out and about but ive always been aware that he sleeps less than other babies.Lately he has started falling asleep in his pram once per day and can sleep for approx 90 min. Apart from that he might have 2 post feed cat naps and will sleep for as long as i am prepared to sit -normally max 20 min v occasionally i can put him down like this and he will sleep for another5 or 10 mins

i feel i should mention that early on he also hated not being held. i coped by wearing him in a sling-between 5 and 8 weeks, this was the only way i could wash a plate or leave the house as he hated his pram, i was also co -sleeping (reluctantly as i had a fear of rolling on him ). this was all fine for a while but in the end I was exhausted and had a mini melt down with hv. She was great and suggested a dummy which made a huge difference and seemed to help him be happy in his own space.

night times have varied hugely but the general theme is feed til sleepy or asleep in darkened room, into his cot which is next to the bed and then picked up as and when asked for thro the night for feeds. During the night I feed him lying down and sometimes i waold fall asleep so he would be in our bed for a few hours but following all safe co-sleeping advice. At about 5 months he was feeding at 11ish and then waking again at 530 6 ish - brilliant i thought! Anyway last week he started refusing to go back in his cot after a feed- in the end i brought him back into bed and he then slept no probs. This has gone on all week. My problem with this is I dont sleep well and get sore and yesterday he rolled for the first time so i dont think thatit is safe for him anymore. There are aspects of co-sleeping that I love and it is great to snuggle in together so I am torn on this issue but on balance I dont want to co-sleep long term.

Last night we decided that we should make a change. Having reading some sleep threads we decided that the best way was for me to feed as normal but for dh to do the putting down and setrtling back to sleep and that he should not come into the bed. Anyway last night was awful- each put down was followed by whimper whimper which progressed to full cry settled by pick up by dh- this would settle hm and then the whole process was repeated and repeated and repeated. we did it twice in the endthe first time ending in me giving up feeding him all the way to sleep and back into the cot at 330 the second time he came into our bed at 5. each episode lasted well over an hour.
Now I feel crap on so many levels- i feel i neglected him overnight, that ive been rubbish at teaching him how to sleep and that i really have no clue how to look after my lovely baby. Please help.

I have a 10 mo old and have gone through much of what you described. Things have been much better since I surrendered to co sleeping after ds's first waking. No more hours of battles and screaming trying to get him in to the cot. I am just not cut out for it! If you are worried about rolling you could get a bed rail or cot that attaches to the side of the bed.

You have done a great job so far and it is only since you have tried something counter intuitive that you have felt like a failure - so go back to what you were doing before. I felt the same way about you about co sleeping but since doing some reading about it I feel much more comfortable.

Moules thanks for your message it didhelp. I went to mothercare and bought a bed rail today so I feel the co sleepingis at least safe and we can relaxa bit about that. I still feel quite down about the situation and feel upset at the thought of possibly months and years of bed sharing - I think perhaps I have things out of perspective and this feels like a huge deal. At the moment I am in bed with ds dh is downstairs andit feels like this will be like this for months -the woman in mothercarextold me to let him cry it out- I can't do that . Are there any signs that your ds will go into his own bed soon or have you embraced it and find that it is a positive thing? At the moment I am struggling to see this as a positive move and feel overwhelmed by motherhood .