Help! 3 year old waking twice a night...

7 replies

Maria2007loveshersleep · 18/11/2011 13:52

Need help as I'm starting to feel like the mother of a newborn again :( My 3.3 year old DS has been gradually waking more & more in the night. He was never a great sleeper but was more or less sleeping through (I stress the 'more or less' as it never felt that consistent).

He settles to bed relatively easily after his usual bedtime routine, around 7/7.30. He then wakes around 11/12 usually for a drink of water / to be covered with his duvet because he's got uncovered / for a cuddle. Then we have a repeat performance of the water/blanket/big-cuddle thing around 2/3 am! I tell you, it does remind me of newborn days (NOT good memories as far as sleep goes).

He mostly asks for his father (and my DH is getting more & more annoyed by the whole situation!) What would you do? Controlled crying, explaining to him what's going to happen beforehand? Does it work at this age? Any other options? Bribery hasn't really worked (we tried Toy Story stickers: he was delighted when he got them, but not too bothered when he didn't!)

We're at the end of my tether as we have to work in the morning so any tips most welcome. Oh, and we're about to buy him a 'big boy bed' (this month, actually) as he's still in a cot, so should we get the bed and then attempt to do something about the sleep problem or the opposite, do you think?

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Original poster

Maria2007loveshersleep · 21/11/2011 08:19

Bump? Any ideas?

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emanother · 21/11/2011 08:40

Hi Maria, I don't have any miracle answers but didn't want your post to go unanswered. A couple of ideas that may be worth a try until someone comes along with better advice:

everyone, including adults, wake in the night. Usually we just stir, turn over and go back to sleep again (or get up, go to the loo/have a drink then back to sleep). What's important is being able to self-settle. Things that might help your son to self-settle could be,
give him a drink at bedtime,
having a bottle of water by his bed that he can help himself to,
make sure he's not getting thirsty and kicking off the duvet because he's too hot. Perhaps try a thinner duvet or blanket for a few nights and see if that makes a difference,
getting him into a big bed asap then he can walk through to you in the night if he wants a cuddle, not vice versa,
tuck his duvet in more or use a sheet under the duvet tucked in so he can't accidentally kick it off in the night.

Also, I know it's frustrating but I also think your DH needs to have realistic expectations. At 3yo some children do still wake for cuddles etc in the night - it's normal.

wolfhound · 21/11/2011 08:51

How do you feel about him coming into your bed? When he's in a big-boy-bed he can get up and come in himself, which is less disturbing? I think it's just something children do, to be honest, and you have to find a way that it doesn't disrupt your sleep too much.

PastGrace · 21/11/2011 08:52

I used to wake up and go and get my parents every night because I kicked my duvet off. Once the duvet was off the bed was cold, so it wasn't even a case of just putting the duvet back - the bed wasn't inviting any more. My mum found these and they were amazing - I stopped getting up in the night then.

I agree that a beaker/bottle of water by his bed might help too.

Nevercan · 21/11/2011 08:52

My dd1 2.5 loved noving to a bug bed. I think a big bed would help as you can leave water on the side and at that age he should be able to put the duvet back on if it falls off

Original poster

Maria2007loveshersleep · 21/11/2011 12:33

We're definitely going to get a big boy bed- even this week actually, as I really feel he's more than ready for it.

As for him coming into our bed, I don't think he'd do it as even now we have his cot rail completely down and he's perfectly capable to come out, and does so, but only in the morning. I wouldn't want to be co-sleeping as we enjoy our personal space (we did co-sleep in the first year and a half and it's not for us, certainly not anymore).

I do agree- of course- that we all wake several times in the night but the question is the ability to self-settle back to sleep. Given that my DS in the last months wakes every single night at least once & always asks for water or cuddle to go back to sleep, I'm inclined to believe he's unfortunately acquired this habit of not being able to self-settle without his dad going in to give him drink or cuddle. Last night this was at 2 am and then again at 5.00 am. Not doable on the long run when both of us work! I know there are people that do find it ok to wake up for 3 yr olds several times in the night, but I'm not one of them, I hate sleep deprivation & can't function.

Anyway, big boy bed is next step (asap) & drink by bed too sounds like a great idea. Plus the duvet clips, those might work on a big boy bed... will certainly try them.

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wolfhound · 21/11/2011 13:06

You could try the trick that's currently working on my 4yo - I've told him that Father Christmas comes round at night this time of year to check if children are in their beds - if the bed is empty, he assumes no-one's there and crosses them off his present list. DS1 is staying in bed all night pretty well at the moment!

You'd have to change the story a bit for yours (FC checking if children stay in bed without calling mummy/daddy..) but might be worth a bit of ingenuity?

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