Pick up put down - seems to be having opposite effect, am I doing it right? Does it work?

[nicebutjim]

So, I'll own up right away to the fact that I've only tried it the once, tonight. ds, 1yo, was drowsy and fed. I put him in his bed. He screamed and stood up. I picked him up until he stopped crying, then put him down. He screamed and stood up. I picked him up, and so on. To me, it seemed like the more it went on, the longer it took him to stop crying and the more hysterical he'd be when I put him down so I eventually gave up and bfed him into oblivion. Doesn't it just teach them to not stop crying, otherwise they will get put down? Or am I doing it all wrong?

Have you tried comforting him by hand holding/stroking? Maybe laying him down and stroking his back or arm? That way he's lying down and you can soothe him without actually picking him up, he may fall back asleep.

Yes, tried stroking, patting, shushing, hand-holding. But he's not interested, just keeps getting up.
I don't think I get the logic of the pick up put down thing. Surely the message I'm giving is, if you cry, I'll pick you up, if you stop crying, I'll put you down again. i.e. CRY

nicebutjim, I am with you. I could never understand the logic of PUPD (in addition to the fact that it really does your back in!). I really do not think that babies cry in the cot because they are afraid that you will not pick them up, and therefore picking them up relieves them of this fear. They cry because THEY WANT TO BE PICKED UP. NOW! And yes, the more you pop them back down, the more enraged they get. And if they don't, this just means that they are too knackered to be enraged and give up, not that they "realised that mummy will always pick them up if they need it, therefore they should stop worrying and go to sleep." Ghaaaaa.

I have a shit sleeper, btw.

Patronsaint - ah you've reminded what the purported logic of the technique is. Been a while since I read the book.
Well at least I'm not the only one who has failed with only a bad back to show for it.

That said, i'd love to find something that works. Does it work for others? How did you do it without making the baby increasingly more awake and frustrated each time you put them down?

Worked for me - both girls, a little bit older than yours when I did it. It took about a week with dd1, and about 3 days with dd2, but now they both go to sleep on their own and do 12 hours straight through.

DD1 was a terrible, terrible sleeper before I started.

Sorry, to actually answer your question, I did it in the middle of the night first, and 'graduated' on to bedtime when I'd cracked getting them to sleep through. With DD2 I sang when she was in her cot and actually not crying, so she knew I was there.

I think you need to put them down as soon as they stop crying, put them all the way down, and then pick them straight back up again. Also when you have started making some progress don't forget about the mantra cries - they don't get any louder (although they can be quite loud to start with). I used to wait for three cries to assess before I went in when we had got the hang of it, and especially the first time

Can't recommend it enough personally, as I would never, ever be able to stand letting them cry it out (and DD1 would have thrown up anyway if I'd tried)

i'm on my 3rd baby and it just made all of them v.v. cross! ds3 is 9months and very mobile so stands up every time he wakes up or 1/2 wakes up in the night so i lay him down and walk straight out. i've been doing that since day 1 though so it's what he's used to. with my older 2 i had to sit with them if they were really unsettled and stroke their head (they were used to being fed/cuddled to sleep so i did gradual withdrawal)

Naturalmum please can you explain gradual withdrawal? I used to be able to put DD in her cot awake at bedtime and some naps but after a holiday I can now only get her down by holding her until her eyes are closed and pretty much asleep. I then have to lay my hand on her chest until she is properly asleep. Whilst this isn't too arduous I'm concerned she's unlearning to self-settle. I tried PU/PD today and like nicebutjim DD. became more and more hysterical, so I picked her up, held her for an extra minute and put her down asleep. Wondering if gradual withdrawal might suit DD better but don't know how to do it!

Think you've started already by the sounds of it. Hand on chest. Then hand by side of baby in cot. Then hand on side of cot. Then you just stand by side of cot. Then one step away......etc etc. Eventually stand outside door.....with door open. Then close door. Basically withdraw gradually each time you successfully settle baby. If baby gets upset move back to previous step. It's a long process and can take quite some time.....so be patient. I kind of did this but ds was a quick learner or whatever so I went from hand on chest to standing by the cot, then I was able to leave the room. Will make the most of this nice period, sure something will crop up soon to make us take a few steps back!! Ha. Good luck.

it's as it sounds pretty much - gradually reduce what you're doing to help them fall asleep.
if you want to go from sitting with them to putting them down and walking straight out you sit with them a little bit less each time, or holding them a bit less each time. i went from feeding to sleep, to stroking their head to sleep to holding a hand to sleep to sitting next to them then put them down walk out and go back if they cry to give back dummy/comforter say 'time for a sleep' then walk out and repeat that last bit if they don't settle.

I am sorry to kind of hop in here and restart this, but I am buttin' in A/W. DD is nearly 7months but because she was early she acts more like 6months. DW and I are sickened by the thought of CC especially since DD tends to choke and stop breathing completely when she cries too hard. Now I have read the baby whisperer but i think my Y chromosome is causing a mental block because the book makes no Bl**dy sense to me. The method is at no point explained fully step by step. She Keeps interrupting herself with case study after case study. In addition to that their is no trouble shooting. She pulls no punches when she goes into depth about accidental parenting causing problems but it is night 7 tonight and DD was brilliant and easy after nights 1-2 she was great. Night 3 woke at 2am and 5am. Night 4 three wakes, night 5 for wakes and night 6 was an astounding 6 wakes. PU/PD is working to get her to sleep but there is none of the miraculous sleeping for more than 3 hours at a stretch. Would love some advice but I reiterate CC is not an option.

Sorry, no top tips as I am still struggling to get 11wo DD to self settle after about five weeks of using baby whisperer techniques! However, I do want to point you in direction of baby whisperer website - which is basically a huge bunch of peer-assisting forums. I found reading through much of these far, far more useful than reading the book... Which as you say is pretty blinkin vague a lot of the time!

Good luck - let us know if it works for you?