To feed or not to feed?

[Tiredprobably]

My 9mo hasn't slept through the night since four months old. For the last 3 months he's woken at least 3 times but often 5 or 6. He seems to want to feed so we do and I put him back in his cot where he sleeps for between 20 mins and 2 hours, rarely more. I try patting singing ahushing and giving a cuddle but he ceys and gets angry. This can start from an hour after bedtime- feeding him now or from 11ish. He has either 1.5 sleep in the morning and afternoon 20 mins or avlong lunchtime sleep of 2 hours, this isn't a definate but also hasn't made any difference when less.
He's a lovely happy baby in the day and is doing everything well but turns into a monster at night. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with the constantness of it all as we are together all day as well. What can I do?

Time for some tough love? Would you consider doing either 'pick-up put down' or 'controled crying'?

Oh I feel your pain.
Is your DS's room dark enough?
Have you tried letting him self-settle? Sometimes my DS's cries turn into whimpers and then murmurs then he's asleep; even when I was fully expecting the cries to escalate, IYSWIM.
That's all I've got I'm afraid. Feeling a bit sleep-deprived myself. Hope someone comes along who's more useful!

More useful than me, I mean - did not mean to imply that bumbums was not useful, x posted.

Is he waking because he's hungry, or because he needs to a feed to get back to sleep? Does he settle himself at all?

Are there teeth coming? DD wants to feed more in the night when teething (and I mean hourly!) as she won't take calpol.and I think it helps the discomfort.

Have you checked there is nothing waking him, noise, heat or cold, light etc?

Depending on how hard you find it you might want to read the no cry sleep solution rather than controlled crying, but that is a very personal choice.

Remember they grow out of everything eventually!

Are you feeding him and using your phone? Couldn't tell from your post.

Try doing it in the dark. When done, have him on your chest and gently wind him which will also send him back to sleep. Then put him back down.

Could he have bum wind? Does he sleep on his front? Million times easier to settle that way.

me too. he's my 3rd and i've been there and tried everything with my older 2 from cc to no-cry sleep solution. i managed to get my older 2 night weaned by 7months but ds3 was having none of it. that's the first step. i just fed him so he would go straight back to sleep and carried on trying to feed him as much as possible during the day. then i bit the bullet and stopped night feeds. he can now go from 7pm to 5:30 without a feed but is still waking a few times.

self settling: i'm putting him to bed as quickly and minimally as possible - barely saying anything, just put him down and walk out. he does self settle with a dummy and comforter but is very mobile during the day so that wakes him up at night. with his big brother at this phase i just had to ride it out and keep laying him down, giving back his comfort items without talking or doing too much to settle him. if i do any more then ds3 gets angry too and really unsettled.

we're doing a basic GR routine - 30mins nap at 9:30, 2hrs at lunchtime from around 12 or 1pm at the latest.

i've read that fruit can unsettle them if they eat it too late in the day and my ds is teething so i'm just filling him up on heavy/basic foods at dinner, dose of something for teeth then i know all his needs are met.

decide how you are going to change things (self settling, gradual withdrawal) then start with the first nap of the day. if you can get your baby to settle and sleep properly during the day then that's half the battle won.

Hello everyone, thankyou so much for your advice. Something clicked last night and I suppose we did our own version of controled crying, this is something I never thought I could do and am still hating myself for it a bit but my lovely boy has been in his own cot all night! I was just so tired it was getting to the point I was begining to feel myself get really sad. When I put him to bed last night he woke up within 45 mins and wanted bf, had a huge tantrum while I tried soothing then I fed him, 30 mins later he was op again and I knew it would be one of those nights and got really upset. My dh suggested we leave him to settle for a bit, we have never left him to cry before and it was painful for me. Dh was strong though and helped by saying it wasn't healthy for either of us to be getting 3 hours sleep every night. He went a checked on him after 2 mins then 4 mins and said that he definatly wasn't sad just angry and throwing stuff around, by 12 mins he was asleep! He slept for 2 hours when we started again this time he was asleep by 6 mins. He then woke up the further 4/5 times he usually would but was asleep by the two min check only doing a couple of little crys then straight back to sleep. He's just woken up bouncy and happy, think I might spend the day dreading having to do it again later and giving lots of cuddles! Maybe tonight il get some sleep too! Thankyou again for all your support.

Well done, good news! He will be fine, you are teaching him a useful skill.

I will be watching this thread with interest. I have a terrible night sleeper who is now almost 10 months and wakes up 4-5 times every night to cuddle boob. I did successfully wean him off night boob about a month ago. It was relatively easy and made him sleep loads better almost immediately. However, he then got ill, stopped taking in solids during the day and really needed feeding at night. And since then it all went pair-shaped again. We are back were we started. Only now he screams bloody murder with snot and tears when I try not to feed him. So I have not been able to gather enough courage for another night weaning session and just submitted to my fate. For now at least.

Hi another sucessful night, put in bed asleep at 7.30 he woke an hour later but went back to sleep within a minute and did the same maybe 3/4 times in the night he thought it was morning at 5 am and was having restless on/ off sleep until 6.30 when I went and got him up when he cried again. It's a bit harder though as he has an awful cold but still slept well, I just still got up and checked him constantly! Still not quite brave enough to put him down awake and feel we might feed to sleep initially for a while yet, but things feel so much sunnier!