Clinging to the edge people help

[megcleary]

right am near cracking point.
Dd is 9 mo naps fairly well in the day, dinner about 5 a bottle at 6 and over the last few evenings gripe water in case it is wind waking her and nurofen in case it is her teeth
Pop her in her cot between 630 & 7 she chats away few mins and settles to sleep she can self settle during naps in the day sometimes butour HUGE problem at the moment is thecwakes up wailing every night at exactly 920 nothing consoles her cuddles, bonjela calpol nothing but a bottle.

Back to cot after 3-4 oz and then up again at 2 wailing another bottle same again maybe again at5 and we are stumped.
It's causing huge tension in the family I am knackered snapping at everyone, dh is knackered and wants to let her cry and keep going in to pat her every few mins till she goes back to sleep.

I don't think that will work her wailing is so loud I worry about her walking dd1 and the neighbours and it upsets me so I just feed her. I have tried rock and patting but that seems to wind her up more

Help us please

Bump

letting go now

Could she be growing through a growth spurt hence the need for more milk? Do you think she's actually hungry at that time or is it comfort feeding? My dd didn't sleep through one single night until she was well over a year old, but I seem to remember 9 months being one of those ages where it got quite a bit worse. I think around that time there's an increased awareness of seperation, also their brains are going through big changes at that age, lots of rewiring happening to prepare them for walking and co-ordination challenges.

I know that doesn't help you, and I sympathise with not wanting to let her CIO. I didn't because like you I didn't want dd to wake my ds up, and I also couldnt' sleep with a wailing child in the house. Can you co-sleep? It's the only thing that saved my sanity as I was back at work full time by then too so had no opportunity to sleep during the day either. I do think that co sleeping probably extended the time that dd was doing night feeds, until she was over 1, but I think it was worth it as we did all start to get much more sleep once I'd started cosleeping with her. I slept with her in a single bed in her room.

I don't think its hunger sunday and monday night she had 7oz of extra hungry baby milk at 1800 finishing about 1830, then bed and awake at exactly 2120. We try cuddles etc but nothing will settle her bar a bottle.

I have been keeping a diary looking at food sleep and patterns. The exact timing make me think its a habit but i dont know how to change it.

I dont really want to co sleep, i'd like more than three hours sleep in a row and i'd like it fixed without her screaming, being emotionally scarred or on the otherside my marriage is being wrecked.

I think I am asking too much

Sorry you are struggling meg. I'm afraid I don't really know what to suggest but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. There is indeed a sleep regression at 9 months, how was her sleep before that?

If she wakes up at exactly the same time I agree it must be habit, however I don't believe in letting them cry either, so I can see where you're coming from. TBH I would just go with whatever gives you most sleep at the moment, and try and tackle the issue when you're more rested. Also, take turns with your DH if this is possible, for example go to bed when she does or an hour later a couple of nights a week, let your DH feed her at 9 and then wake up at 2 for the next feed, this would give you a few good hours of sleep.

Also, can you try and push the 9.20pm feed back, starting with 10 minutes, and then longer? So cuddle her for 10 mins, for example, feed her at 9.30 for a few nights, then 9.40 and so on? Hopefully if she manages to goes past the 9.20 waking, things will improve?

Above all, I think both you and your DH just need to take heart that it's not forever, so try as much as possible to go with the flow for now. DS used to wake up lots until he was about 7 months, and I found it only got easier for me when I accepted that this was his sleep pattern and I started to go to bed very early a few times a week.

In case it helps... baby whisperer says waking same time every night is not hunger but body clock. I'm inclined to believe her. I had a similar problem with my DD waking the same time every night. I fed her, but soon realised it wasn't hunger. Have you tried wake to sleep? Maybe it would help interrupt her sleep pattern. Also, I'd do everything possible to make sure she's really well fed during the day. Other than that, I'd be inclined to go with your DH's idea a little. Big sympathy :(

Have ordered the no cry sleep solution book, I have two weeks to sort it and then its DHs turn for his plan. sigh

THis was something that got suggested to me by HV when DS wakes early in the morning but it wouldn't happen to be something to do with your boiler, have you got GCH? I felt like an idiot for not thinking of something as daft as this but it's helped DS to sleep a little bit longer by checking the timers and resetting them.

DS2 only just started sleeping through the night once I stopped giving him milk through the night (BF). I didn't use CC, but I used the 'gradual retreat' technique which has worked miracles. I feel a little bit more sane these days after 14 months of sleep deprivation and through the night feeding. You just have to think positive - you CAN do this - and honestly it's the best feeling in the world.

We still have a bit to go though as DS2 is waking at roughly 5.30 each morning, occasionally later, but he's sleeping right through on his own which was what I wanted him to do without any form of CC.

We have GCH and yep when I hear DD I hear the boiler too, I have asked DH to sort but apparently it is difficult.................

how long did the gradual retreat take?

I've been doing this for about a month...he first took about 20-30 mins to go to sleep on his own once he realised he wasn't getting milk from me. After a few weeks, it took about 15 mins for him to self-settle, then these days we're talking maybe 2-3 mins. Yes, it takes time, and it's not an instant fix (apparently you get quicker results with CC) but for me it was the technique I could realistically cope with the best. I have never done co-sleeping so I needed something inbetween both of these extremes. I just let it all out when speaking to my HV - I was at breaking point and really voiced this to her. So, since I started the technique, she's been phoning me on a regular basis to check on how things are going, also for a bit of moral support (which I needed!!). I'd definately recommend contacting yours for the extra boost of support especially when times get tough (a few nights near the beginning of this DS2 was up for about 1hr through the night before he'd settle again - usually around 2-3am). It's hardcore and you have to prepare for the worst before it gets better. Good luck with whatever you decide. All babies are different as we all know, so it may or may not work for you. This baby malark is all trial and error!

It may be absolutely nothing to do with your boiler (your LO waking up), but it's just another one of these things worth looking into for peace of mind. Hope things get easier for you.

Thanks for that lovely message, I have been to see the HV and they said someone would ring me, no one rang so I rang again a week later and they said someone would ring again, that was last wednesday no call yet.

DH is so cross they haven't at least called when I did ask for help twice, we have no support here bar each other, which usually is fine but now we are snapping at each other all the time.

megcleary I sympathise with the snapping at DH completely - I'm living in a foreign country with no family near by and I don't speak the language yet, so I only have DH too. I used to have a great relationship until I had DD! I have found that the only way to stay off the path towards divorce is to be really good at apologising (even if I'm still a bit narked at him). It seems to encourage him to be better at apologising to me, which makes me feel better :)

Have you considered a dummy?

She won't take a dummy, but thank you for the suggestion. Have bought the no cry sleep solution book and started the pantly pull off last night and we had the worst night ever. Sigh. Will persevere