Self-soothing at 10 weeks?

[WillSingForCake]

I can easily get my 10 week old to sleep by feeding her until she drops off, or by rocking her in my arms and then gently putting her into her cot. However any attempt to put her in her cot when drowsy but awake is met with howls. Have tried patting and shushing, but she gets more & more upset. If I pick her up she stops crying instantly, but if I then put her down again she starts crying.

Should I just keep on with the feeding & rocking in the hope that self-soothing is something that will happen naturally in time, or should I persist with trying to put her down when drowsy?

Grateful for any advice!

No great advice I'm afraid - my 9 week old is the same, I have to feed/rock her to sleep and keep her on my chest for at least 20 minutes before I can put her down. The way I see it (and I know people might disagree) is why bother having a crying baby if you can avoid it? If you can easily get her to sleep by feeding, then happy days, she's asleep! And they're not babies forever. My HV has kindly warned me I'm making a rod for my own back - but it's my back, and I'd like as much sleep and as happy a baby as possible, by whatever means neccessary. Just my thoughts!

Completely agree with Belmo. DS only became able to self settle at 7-8 months. 10 weeks is tiny, and I think self settling is developmental. I would do whatever works for now, everything is just a stage anyway, and gradually try not to feed to sleep anymore, maybe just rock, and then cut down on the rocking too when they are ready, and if you want to.

Keep on with the feeding and rocking. 10 weeks is still little, self settling didn't happen with DD until she was much older. When your DD is a bit older, then go ahead with the self-soothing thing - babies gain object permanence at around 6 months, which is when they understand that just because you're not there, you can and do come back. Before that, if you leave, they don't understand that you will return (which could be why she's getting upset)

My DS was 9 weeks when I started to teach him to self settle. Yes, they're still small...but boy do they grow quickly! Even though I started early with my DS, I still had to see a physio because my back had gone by four months.

My mum made me leave him one evening after trying (unsuccessfully) to rock him to sleep. She simply said that he's been fed, has a clean nappy and is TIRED, which is why he was grizzling. After 5 mins he was asleep.

I am not suggesting you leave you LO to bawl their eyes out because it's not fair. But don't be too afraid to let them grizzle and shout a bit before rushing in. I'm talking up to 5 mins, and see what happens.

Good luck.

I rocked dd1 and then I spent longer and longer putting her down as each time you do they wake it. With dd2 I haven't done that and she self soothed from 8 weeks onwards so personally I would persist. Try putting her down drowsy and then rubbing her tummy or stroking her head. There may be a bit of crying but it is worth it in the long run. But you have to do what you think is right. I always used the same blanket too.

I did the self soothing with both of mine quite early on. DD at 8 weeks, DS at 10 weeks. Yes go back in and rub tummy every 5 mins but dont pick them up. Takes quite a while each evening for about a week then they suddenly get it and when you pit them down they don't even cry. It toook about a week for both of mine. Started DS later as he had a cold and awful cough so make sure they are completely well, not hungry and clean nappy then you know they're not crying about anything else. Hope this helps.

Oh and we got them a cuddly to pit in bed with them each time. Put it down your top for a bit before bedtime then put it in bed with them and it'll smell of you. After a while they will hold the cuddly and know it's bedtime.

My ds learned to self-settle at about 8 weeks; he found his thumb! We started sleep training around then too, letting him cry for a few mins when we knew he wasn't hungry/wet/whatever, and then he'd fall asleep (most of the time).

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was "make sure the baby can fall asleep by themselves", and was paranoid about using props such as rocking or feeding. It's tough, really tough, but we've found it worked well for us. A few difficult nights, then a brilliant sleeper as when he wakes in the night, he knows how to go back to sleep without any aids (has slept between 8-12 hours solid from about 16-18 weeks old, and is now 9.5 months).

It's not for everyone, I do appreciate that, but of the people I know who have always fed to sleep, it's them that end up with terrible sleepers .

Thanks everyone for your replies - really useful for me as I'm a first-time mum and so rely a lot on Mumsnet for advice! Thank you for taking the time to help me out, will let her cry for a bit tomorrow and will see how it goes.

I thought it was important to teach DS to self soothe straight away and started at a couple of weeks. He did sleep through for a few months from 3 months but now at 9 months wakes constantly. I wish I'd just fed and rocked to sleep now and not wasted my time and just enjoyed those first cuddles.

Ok, I'll risk being flamed then... I'm all for self settling and teaching them good sleeping habits, however I just can't understand why comfort is considered less of a necessity for such a young baby than food or having a clean nappy. Phrases such as "it's just for comfort" make it seem like if they cry because they need a cuddle you don't have to "give in" because it's just a want not a need. With such young babies, comfort is a necessity. Yes you do have to work on the sleep associations, but not when they're so tiny if this means leaving them to cry. You can do it more gently, even if it takes longer.

Cross-posted with possum... indeed there are many sleep regressions in the first year, so many changes in their little brains.