Sleeps great when I'm not around WHY???

[Mimmee]

I'm hoping for some advice and perspective please, wasn't sure whether to post here or breast and bottle feeding.

DD is 8 mo and was a great sleeper till 4 mo sleep regression hit. We never quite got over that but she would regularly sleep 8hrs or wake briefly and quickly settle.

Since 6 mo her sleeping has got worse and worse. She'll go to bed well at around 6.30-7ish but after 11 all bets are off!

We're very fortunate as DM and MIL live locally and will have DD overnight perhaps once a fortnight or so. I am BF'ing but DD will take a bottle.

Now when she stays out she sleeps brilliantly. For example, she stayed at MIL's on Sat and slept from 7.30-6.30 and didn't stir once

Last night however I was up pretty much every hour with her and have been up since 4.30am.

DP is convinced it's BF'ing and that I need to wean her. I didn't really want to stop BF yet and am not convinced it will help but I'm back at work in 4 weeks and am worried that we're all going to be exhausted.

I can't help thinking that I'm doing something wrong but can't work out what?

Any advice would be fantastic thank you

I don't mean to be alarmist, but are you sure she is sleeping as well at her grandparents' houses as they say she is? It could be that they are trying to stop you from worrying about her?

Don't worry that did cross my mind

I think if it was just DM or MIL I would maybe think that - but it's both of them independently saying the same thing!

Does she ever wake when she stays with them? If so, what do they do to settle her?

It may just be association with her bedroom and you being there to breast feed. Incidentally, my LO would sleep much later in the morning at my MIL than she would at home (never worked out why!).

At 8mos, she shouldn't really need a night feed if her diet during the day is good, so why don't you try some sleep training. Pick up, put down works well if you don't like CC - but your partner would need to be the one to take the lead as it rarely works when the mother (particularly if still breast feeding) tries it.

She does sometimes stir when she stays there - MIL tends to wrap her in a blanket and DM sings to her! Apparently she tends to quickly go back to sleep. All things I have tried with limited success.

Yes I am quite sure she doesn't need night feeds and can go through the night without (even when she wakes numerous times).

We did try with DP going into her one night and she lost the plot. He was with her for an hour and a half and she wouldn't settle so he's very reluctant to get involved now

Problem is, as long as its you that goes into her she knows the breast is available. It's likely that with the association at home being strongest, your DP struggled to settle her because she is used to you going in.

The problem is you have to break these associations somehow - or accept them in the long term. Something like PUPD helps the child to cope with the 'trauma' of not having the breast or the mother on demand like they are used to. It can take all night the first night to do, and then a few hours for the next few nights so you need a partner who is committed to doing it. Read Tracy Hogg's book if you're interested (although I was only convinced after seeing her TV programme and watching her put it into action - it really did work!)

Thanks loveis I do have the BW book and tried PU/PD but gave up on it. I thought at the time that it didn't work but actually I just don't think I did it properly!

DP has a week off work soon so I think we'll have to bite the bullet and tackle it then!

Just wondering where she sleeps at home? My dd was also an awful sleeper but was still in my room, in her cot, until recently- 10.5m, as she shares with her sister and didn't want to disturb dd1s sleep with lots of night wakings. One weekend I decided I had to do something so shifted her into her sisters room, stopped feeding before 3.30am (tried to send dh to resettle before then if poss) and started to put her down drowsy rather than totally asleep at bed time. We got almost immediate improvement and i think having her near me was causing all the nw- could probably sense milk nearby! She now sleeps from 7.30-4, 20 min bf and then back to sleep until 6/6.30- this is total bliss compared to what we used to have.

She also started to eat loads more solids which I think helped.

Izpie thanks, she's in her own room and has been for a few months now. I was actually wondering whether to move her back into our room but it seems like a backwards step?

DP has said no chance anyway!