Toddler coming in to us in small hours for milk - help from AP types please

[DitaVonCheese]

For the last week or so, 3 yr old (just) DD has been waking up at around 5.30 and coming and getting into bed with us (me, DH and 15 wk old DS). This would be fine as we do love co-sleeping with her but (1) there is simply not enough room for four of us, even though it's a kingsize bed, and DH ends up balanced on the edge and not sleeping; (2) she pesters me for milk continuously; and (3) she kicks DH and keeps him awake.

She's actually sleeping worse than DS atm (though he is four months this weekend and I'm scared).

Her sleeping was fine until v recently and not sure what's changed. I always give in and nurse her because obviously DS is having some and I don't want to create jealousy and because I'm desperately hoping it will make her go back to sleep and/or keep her quiet, which works some of the time. I think tonight though we are going to re-night wean to see whether that makes a difference. DH has also said he's going to take her back to her own bed, but again she knows that DS is in with us (which hasn't been a problem before) and I'm worried she is going to get resentful if he is being given the things she wants.

Apparently she doesn't wake up this early when she stays with my parents.

Any other suggestions besides night weaning and physically putting her back in her own bed? We are namby pampy AP type parents. We did get a book out from the library (randomly) a while ago about a mouse who kept getting into bed with his parents and they ended up just locking their door and leaving him to cry and get back into his own bed but not sure that's our style, plus we don't actually have a door on our bedroom at the moment

Was she weaned and this is a regression to wanting to nurse? Does she nurse during the day?

I would be tempted, assuming she is in a bed that is big enough to do this, to get her and DH to share a bed for a while; I mean, after she wakes and comes to you, he can put her back to bed but stay with her. That way she's away from the milk (assuming she was night weaned until now, and you are not therefore creating a huge change in that regard) but still has the comfort of a parent there.

That's my namby-pamby AP advice, anyway. But I think it depends a bit on whether she's just starting asking for milk again after a long period without, or whether she wasn't fully night weaned before DS's arrival.

Thanks for the reply. She was nightweaned (had to nightwean to get pg again!) but still nursing during the day and had predictably gone milk mad when DS arrived and my milk came back in. So yes, still nurses during the day, though is calming down a bit now.

Her and DH sharing a bed is a good idea (that was how we did nightweaning last time as we were co-sleeping). Her bed is a toddler one, so no room for DH in there, but we could clear the huge piles of crap off the spare room bed and both of them go in there maybe. Was thinking I should clear it so that one of us can escape from her first thing in the morning if necessary!

This is actually an improvement from her coming in and talking/playing a week or so ago - now at least she is quiet and we can doze a bit. I miss the sleeping through though!

Oh, think she started waking up because there was a ghost in her room Any ideas how to resolve that one gratefully received ... (My solution was telling her that her monster toy will look after her as ghosts are scared of monsters, DH's was to tell her that ghosts don't exist.)

Maybe go further than that, then, if the space in her room (and your budget) will allow it - now that she is a big sister, she gets a Big Girl Room. This is how I reclaimed my DD's toddler bed which I needed to convert back into a cot, and the matching chest of drawers, I made a big song and dance out of her getting an All New Bed, etc. I mean it was a cheap secondhand frame with a new mattress, and the 'new' chest of drawers was an old one we had, she helped us sand it back and refinish it and chose her own drawer knobs, and the whole thing was excellent fun.

So, could you actually put the spare room bed in her room? Complete with various Big Girl stuff, so she feels like she has ownership again? Don't know how often you have overnight guests, but if it's rarely then you can probably get away with this for ages before having to stump up for a new bed. And then she might want to stay in her bed, or at least go back to it with Daddy.

The nursing is harder, if she was still nursing during the day. I don't really have a solution except to re-night-wean, sorry!