on the edge advice desperately needed

[birchykel]

It's 4.40am and I'm in a bit of state. Trying to keep calm, focused, talking to self saying 'I'm the not only one, I'm the adult, I have to teach my baby to sleep' but the other part of me is in tears, needing sleep and I'm frustrated.
Been awake since 3am. Before that my 19 week old girl was awake at 11 till 12. She is like a newborn, during day she snack feeds ( I'm breastfeeding), at night she does either 2 or 3 hour feeds. So it is getting too much, I decided to try solids which on Tuesday seemed to work, I also was strict and encouraged a longer gap between snack feed and she ended up feeding better during day. Night time came and she had bath feed with a little top up of formula and slept 6 hours, then 3 hours and then I had to wake her after another 2hours As needed to take my 9 yr old to school. Thought I'd cracked it. But no I'm struggling.
Right now she is comfort feeding and I'm hoping she will go to sleep. She was playful but now seems to be tired again.
Does anyone have advice or can tell me what I'm doing wrong?
I didn't bf my first so its all new. I don't remember a great deal with weaning, but she slept better than this little madam.

I feel like I may need help but if I do get sleep I feel on top of the world and can face anything. Could I have pnd? Or is it just lack of sleep?

Hope someone out there can offer some help.
X

Ok, firstly I'd suggest you try and accept things for now. She's still really tiny and sleeping 2-3 hours at this age is really, really normal. I don't think trying to do anything about it will work, as she's probably just not ready to sleep more yet.

It's not down to breastfeeding either - loads of threads on here will attest to that!

From my own bitter experience I'd say you're best to focus what little energy you can muster on coping mechanisms - cosleeping, getting naps during the day, earlier bedtimes, enlisting dad/family/friends to help. If you feel ok otherwise it's probably exhaustion, pure and simple, but This Too Shall Pass!

Im sorry to hear you are struggling, I too have felt like this in the wee small hours with a baby recently. In my experience weaning early will not help, my great lite sleeper struggled once I started weaning and that was at 6 months (he's 7 1/2 months now and settled into it)
I know all babies are different but if you are interested this is what I did with my DS...
He was very bad with colic and reflux andrew every 2 hours for about 8 weeks. (formula, but my best friend put the same routine in place and she was bf) once I got the colic under control with various things I put in place a strict 3 hour routine. During the day I woke him to feed every three hours on the dot, during the night I let him sleep as long as he wanted to. I couldn't believe the change in him and the more settled the days got the better the nights got. I then weaned him off the night feeds gradually ( but that is a very personal choice and I understand breast feeding is different to formula feeding)
This is just my way and it suits me and my baby, I hope it helps a little and you can find some way that helps you too.
As for pnd I have no experience of this but suffered from ante natal depression during both pregnancies. All I would advise is to talk to DP or anyone else you have around you about how you are feeling and also the health visitor. Make sure your support circle know the tiredness is taking it's toll and hopefully they can take some pressure off you in some way.
I hope you feel better soon x

Crikey some bad predictive text going on....
Lite should have been little and Andrew should have said and fed!

Thank u for advice, sowlers how did u wean ur boy off a night feed?
I'm trying to make daytime feeds go longer in between so she feeds better.
Guess I shld go with it more but yes I'm seriously finding lack of sleep difficult and trying to keep positive with my girls is hard.
Many thanks

Feeling for you - I was exactly the same at this stage.

As others have said, she's still very small and they're changing all the time. IME it's best to go with it. She'll tell you if she's hungry. The only downer of bfing is the tie of it. Can you express and get your DH to do some feeds?

If you think she's just comfort feeding, have you tried a dummy? Saved our sanity in the early days (and gave my poor boobs a break). It's a personal choice - we weaned DD off hers by about 6 months and she now sucks her thumb.

Good luck, and do talk to your GP about how you're feeling. I struggled for 7 months with PND before asking for help. Sleep deprivation does play a big part in it, of course.

Sending you un-MNy hugs

You poor thing. As others have said, she is still very small, and they change so frequently at this stage, trying to get them into a routine can simply prove frustrating when they don't do what you want. Just IME anyway.

Can you express and let the dad give her a bottle to give you a break?

If you think she's just comfort feeding, maybe try a dummy? Was a lifesaver for us (and my boobs) and we weaned DD off by about 6 months.

Keep posting and do go and see your GP about how you're feeling. I know a lot of it is sleep deprivation, but I struggled with PND for 7 months before I admitted to myself that's what it was, and sought help.

Good luck! Sending un-MNy hugs

Stoopid iPhone

19 weeks is right in the middle of the four month sleep regression. I really feel for you!
Have you considered co-sleeping? I find I'm woken up before DS gets going, so he doesn't really wake up properly, so doesn't get to that playful stage.
The thing that helped me most was accepting that this is what babies do, and go with the flow, and it settled down.
Early weaning doesn't help, I know that from bitter experience with my older dc, who were all born when guidelines recommended 4 months to start weaning.

I feel for you, the 4 month sleep regression is hell. I would do whatever gets you through the night - cosleeping, dummy etc, don't worry about "bad habits" yet. In the day I'd continue to feed on demand. The problem with the 4 month stage is that the night waking isn't just about hunger. It's a massive developmental stage for them too, there's so much going on in their little heads! I know this doesn't make it much easier to cope with the lack of sleep though.

It will end eventually, promise.

OP, I see your 'baby waking for hours' and raise you 'baby waking for hours and 3 year old up at 4.30am for last 2 weeks'. It always helps to know you are not alone. My 19 week old ebf is the same as yours. Used to go til 3am, now wakes at 12am and 4 am for ages. It is the hardest thing I have done and am trying to deal with one day and night at a time. I have had depression and think this is just sheer exhaustion at the moment. Keep an eye on how you are feeling though. Tonight might be better. Repeat it...!

Well today so far has been ok, although had to ask friend to take my older girl to school for me as I couldn't function at all. But I managed to sort self out and go to baby gym where she had lots of fun. Came home and now feeding before meeting new friends from a baby massage group which will be good but feel like a zombie so hope I don't come across horrible.
Dreading tonight, I have noticed today I am anxious about getting it right. I don't seem to be confident in what I do I question it. I gave her some rice with banana puree, she loved it but I was still thinking shld I do this? Do I give her water now? Etc etc madness I've had a baby 9 years ago for goodness sake.
Thanks for all advice, I think I need to try and just go with it. But so hard on no sleep.
What do any of u do when urs wakes to play? Usually she doesn't wake long enough to fully wake up if that makes sense?

X

Well done for getting out today.

I can speak with some authority re. Anxiety and the like; what you are describing is so normal and due to tiredness. You are so sleep deprived that your confidence is destroyed and you are unable to make decisions that you wouldn't even think about were you feeling more yourself. Try to remember most of what you are feeling is due to, or exaggerated by, extreme sleep deprivation.

With regards night feeds, no expert but I just keep trying to latch him on while doing no eye contact/talking etc. Eventually he just flakes out. Much easier if you try not to feel rushed; have a book or MN to hand and just accept the wait.

Mine has developed a chesty cough/cold this evening, currently up for 2nd time so far. Bloody he'll.

Thanks Imnotansweringit. It is good to know I'm not alone. It is so hard, I struggled yesterday like a zombie had 3 hours sleep but last night she still woke every two hours but went down quickly so I was able to sleep abit more although still woke with a bad head. I'm a little pissed at partner, he is now off work for two weeks hol and he said ill sleep in spare room so I can get a good nights sleep. Am I unreasonable for thinking bloody hell I need help u could of done a bit so I get some block sleep? Of course kept this to myself.

Hope everyone else managed to get some sleep.
X

Hi there

You're def not alone - my dd2 is now 22m and very early on made it clear she wasn't going to sleep happily on her own and without my boobs!!

I fought it for a while, got frustrated and exhausted with lack of sleep and trying to get her in her cot and generally felt like a rubbish mum cos I couldn't teach my baby to sleep in her cot. My dd1 was also getting disturbed in the night by dd2 and gets v grumpy when tired sobI felt I was letting her down too

Eventually, I discovered what was best for my family - I decided to accept co-sleeping rather than doing it under sufferance! She would start off in her cot and on first waking, I would get her out of her cot, take her to the spare room and co-sleep with my boobs out so she could graze at will in the night!! To friends, it sounded horrendous but although I had disturbed sleep, it was the best way of the whole family getting the least disruption and once I decided I was ok with it, it worked for us.

We eventually got to a point where I'd had enough and my husband agreed to go in to her in the night and settle her down without milk! She protested a bit initially, but after about 3 nights, (no cc or screaming the house down, just grumbling really!!) she started going from 8 till about 5:30 which was amazing for us!!

Good luck!

If your dp is off then he can help, how dare he say that about getting a good nights sleep?! I really think you need to sit him down and moan talk to him. I'm assuming your either a SAHM or on ML so at home right now but that doesn't mean your sleep and ability to function is worth any less than his.

Honestly though it will get better I promise, I remember coming on here at 3am sobbing asking the same thing. Agree with the others do whatever you have to for now (dummy etc) for your sanity more than anything.

Goodness me, unless your DP is not the father, he has equal responsibility for dealing with nights when he is off work. Bloody cheek!

Ur right about my partner but I do need to stress that he is a fantastic father and he works hard shifts so although yes he should of perhaps helped me after my bad few nights he did just get off a very early morning shift so was knackered too. Sorry I should have explained this. But I can't help but feel upset with him as he does now have two weeks to catch up on sleep. He has assured me though that I will be getting a break so I look forward to that. At the same time I worry cos if he does night feeds it means formula as I can't seem to express well. Any advice on this?

As for dummies my girl won't take one, I tried to see if it would work rather than putting her on the breast but nope she spits it out. She was a thumb sucker but has stopped that now too. Aarrrrrgggghhhhh.

Well here's hoping for a good night sleep. Off to bed to hopefully get some.

Night all.x

Thought I would update, we have sorted babies room so tonight will be first night her sleeping in own cot. Dreading it but also hoping it helps.
Trying to get in to some sort of routine, my eldest said yesterday ' mum ur always with the baby, I want time with u' so I just have to sort this.

Fingers crossed.

Hi again! I hope the separate rooms helps, I found it made a huge difference, I think we were all disturbing each other during the night! Good luck and let us know how you get on

Hiya, well almost went ok. Fell asleep at 7.45 till 11.30 but still up and I dont know if I should keep feeding her till she is asleep again. She falls asleep on me then I put her in her cot and she wakes, tried leaving her she stopped for abit sucking her fingers then cried again so feeding her again......part of thinks I shouldnt but other part says she didn't have much milk. Seriously makes me want to put her on formula.
Ooh she is asleep again......will try again to put her down.
I just don't know what to do, if she was really hungry would she feed a lot or would tiredness take over so she falls asleep on me but wen put down wants food??
Losing the plot I think.