Is staying with your child while they're crying still CIO?

[JeewizzJen]

I'm not particularly planning on trying it, but I'm confused having read different things. So, if you're still with your child, offering verbal and tactile reassurance just not picking them up, while they're howling and screaming, is that still crying it out?

No. CIO is putting them to bed and then leaving them to cry and not coming back until they have given up and gone to sleep.

Thanks! :)

I'm not sure it's that helpful to attach a label to sleep training methods. I suspect (sorry to be blunt) that the only "benefit" of labelling something like this (as "not CIO", or as "controlled" crying) is to diminish parental guilt.

If your baby is getting horribly distressed due to you not providing the comfort that he / she needs, then I can't really see this as being hugely different to CIO / controlled crying. I suppose the only difference might be if you were actually cuddling them and e.g. just not feeding a not hungry baby, but even then, from the baby's perspective, his/ her needs are not being met. Young babies don't understand sleep training plans, and won't appreciate that their parents have chosen a "kinder" option (e.g. gradual retreat over controlled crying) if it is causing them distress. I say this as someone who has dipped in and out of practically every form of "sleep training" there is short of the "crying" methods (some of the supposedly gentle methods have caused my DSs quite a lot of distress), so I'm not saying not to do it, just that every baby is an individual with individual needs and the impact of any particular form of sleep training on the stress level of that individual baby (which is really the crux of it) can surely only be assessed in terms of how that particular baby responds.

Well if I was crying and someone just stood there talking when I wanted a cuddle, not sure I'd like it.

If I had to choose, I'd go for CC - a few mins at most then reassure.

I think it depends - depends on the age of the baby, what you are doing to comfort them, what you are not doing.

When my ds was about 5 months old I stopped breastfeeding him to sleep, and his dad rocked/cuddled him to sleep. He did cry, for about 3 nights, but not alone or uncomforted and I felt ok about it.

I've also done pick-up/put-down since (think he was 8 months old), and again there was crying while I patted him in his cot, but I did pick him up and cuddle him if he got really distressed or reached out for me. That was about an hour of crying one night.

Just to add - I couldn't have done any kind of CC or CIO with ds because being left at all just made him hysterically upset. Leaving him to get hysterical for 2/5/10 minutes and then popping back in to "reassure" wouldn't have done anything to reassure him.

Rita - I'm similar as have never done CIO or CC. DS is 2 - only a fee months ago have I left him to it but he shouts for a minute or two, then starts chatting to himself so I know he's fine. If he's upset he calls out. However when a baby, I couldn't tell - crying always sounded upset to me.

I don't like CIO or CC either, its the whole leaving baby to wail alone in the dark I can't get past. I've done a bit of pick up put down and patting of bottom whilst baby cries, I feel OK about that but if at any point baby gets really upset (a sobbing cry) then its cuddles all the way.

Thanks for the replies all. I hate the idea of CC or CIO, and have been thinking of trying pu/pd which hopefully would fit with my parenting 'style', if I have such a thing! My DS just will not go down in his cot (Iggly, I know we've spoken a bit about this before!) - we co-sleep and he naps on me. I have barely put him down in his 4 months. While I've not actually minded it much - in fact, often I love it - I do want to try and get him into his cot fairly soon, at least for some of the time. Holding him for pretty much 22 hours out of each day isn't sustainable!

There will inevitably be some crying, and I sometimes wonder how much is too much. When I read about various no-cry methods which talk about soothing the baby by laying a hand on them, or talking to them I wonder how on earth that would work, as there's no way my DS will have any of it! The only way to stop him crying once he's gone into his cot (even if he was fast asleep to start with) is to pick him up! It just escalates and escalates - I'm sure CC wouldn't work for us. It's interesting to hear what others feel is 'right' too - I spend so much time being so unsure of myself!!

I was the same with ds. Fed to sleep and co slept. He's 16 months now and last month I just couldn't do it anymore so put his cot mattress on the floor in his room, laid him down and stroked his head/ said shh over and over and he amazingly went to sleep so I continued to do that for every wake in the night and for naps.

I seriously thought I was going to be bfing a toddler but they do surprise you how they change with age. He was really attached to bfing as well. He doesnt sleep through the night plus he's teething atm but that's a different matter!