HELP! 12 week old SCREAMING before bed every night. End of my tether.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

I posted this in 'Parenting', but thought it might be relevant for 'sleep' too so I hope you don't mind me putting it here as well.

DS is 12 weeks old & for as long as I can remember (at least 6 weeks) he has screamed (& I mean SCREAMED!) for at least an hour before bed. We've tried everything we can think of - cuddles, lullabies, rocking, various iPhone apps, calpol (in case he was ill), a routine (bath-feed-bed and feed-bath-bed, neither worked), no routine (chilling out with us in front of telly), a book, a walk in the sling, the five Ss... Nothing works.

As you can imagine, DP and I are exhausted and it's leading us to argue - partly because we're knackered and partly because we disagree about what to do (he thinks we should just leave him to cry, I think we need to stay with him)

Does anyone have any tips or ideas? PLEASE?

DS had this and we suspected colic (which is a term I never fully understood tbh, I translated it as General Late Afternoon Discomfort)

Anyway, we took him to see a cranial osteopath who explained that he was a bit out of alignment due to traumatic forceps delivery, did subtle realignment on him over about 4 sessions and he was like a different baby.

Another recommendation for seeing a cranial osteopath, they can really help.

I wouldn't recommend leaving him to cry. Have you tried putting him to bed before the screaming starts? Sounds a possible case of overtiredness, how does he sleep during the day? We found that not giving DS the right pattern during the day meant meltdown in the evening. One very basic rule we applied was to not keep him awake for more than 2 hours at any one time and that certainly made a difference.

Sounds like colic - try a gentle tummy massage (from left to right across the tummy and clockwise around the tummy button, also "cycle" the legs) to help relieve the trapped wind? Warm bath in a tummy tub also helps.

Try sitting up and holding him to your chest, pressing gently. That also helps to relieve trapped wind.

No, you should not leave him to cry.

Tough though it is, you may need to excuse your DP from baby duty for a couple of nights. My DH was always useless when DD cried like that. He just kept saying we should take her to A&E. Men can't stand it because they want to "solve the problem" and with colic you often can't. And don't be afraid to ask someone else to have him for one evening (obviously someone tolerant like your mum) so you can have a break too.

Have you tried popping your DS in the car and going for a drive?

I agree with the cranial osteopath. Hell, anything is worth a try at this stage!

FWIW, DD's colic cleared up the day we took her to see a homeopath. We had tried everything else. I am absolutely not saying I believe in homeopathy, but as a parent we just wanted to try everything.

Do you think there was a trigger for this? With DD she was ill and we noticed her poo was green. Once she got better, it stopped. With DS he had a brief bout of colic when I was put on antibiotics (breastfeeding). If you are breastfeeding and on medication, that might be worth a look. Also your diet. If you are breastfeeding, try introducing a bottle of formula for the last feed before his usual screaming time, as that might settle his stomach more.

It is REALLY hard. But it WILL pass. Good luck x

Agree with above, only other thought is when is bedtime? Could he be overtired?

DS does this as well, he doesn't seem to always have tummy pains but I dint know.

Sometimes I manage to avoid it by giving him constant attention from about 5 onwards, I talk to him, sing and play with him, but the minute I leave him he starts to grizzle which can then turn into the full on screaming.

If there is a gap in the screaming and he calms down then I pop in him in the bath and he is happy whilst he is in it.

Sometimes a long nap about 3.30/4 helps too.

DS is 18 weeks now. The Health Visitor told me he was just being naughty and I should leave him to scream which I completely disagree with, he rarely cries during the day, so I think there must be a reason he is screaming and, although I dont know what the problem is, I am not prepared to leave him.

Hopefully it will ease soon. Colic is often worse from about 6 to 12 weeks so fingers crossed for you. We tried everything and just had to sit it out in the end. I used to sit with DS, but have ear plugs and a book while I cuddled him!

at your health visitor scrivette!

Actually, the idea of putting in some ear plugs or headphones with music is a good one.

hi, another recommendation her for cranial osteopathy. Someone also once mentioned to me that one way to tell if a baby has colic is to take them outside into the fresh air. If the baby still continues to cry then it can be safe to say the baby has colic.
Good luck.

DS (8 months) is still grumpy in the afternoon. He goes down between 7-7.30, but after 5 he turns from a very happy, smiley baby into a whingeing little monster darling.

At 12 weeks it might indeed be colic. We've been there, and hoped it would improve. It did, it's much better now, but I think that's just the way DS is. He had a late afternoon nap yesterday (woke up at 4.30), and still became grumpy one hour later.

However, it's not full blown crying, more like whining, so hang in there, it will get better. And no, don't leave him to cry, he needs you most when he is distressed and 12 weeks is tiny.

Also shocked at Scrivette's HV. What is this obsession with leaving babies to cry as the key to all problems?!

Thank you for sharing your ideas and experiences. It's helped reassure me that I'm not alone and that 'this too will pass'

DP and I have had a long chat this morning (now we're calm) and agreed that we need to do 'something'. We're on holiday this week so are going to give up on any idea of a 'routine' and just let LO feed/sleep/play whenever he wants to (which, to be honest, is pretty much what we do anyway). He had read that babies should only sleep for three hours during the day at this age and was worrying he was sleeping too much. I'd read the 'no more than two hours awake' and was worried he wasn't getting enough. Thank you mumsnet for backing me up!

Last night we'd tried putting him down to sleep at 5 and the crying continued unril 7.30 so i dont think it's a case of overtired (well, not to start with!) I think this week we'll keep him with us in the evenings and let him fall asleep on me. It might just help us work out when bedtime should be. We'll also get some hungry baby formula (he's currently ebf) & persevere with trying to get him to take a bottle just once a day - partly to see if it settles his stomach and partly so that DP or my mum can feed him every now and again so I can rest (feeding almost constantly last night)

I don't think there was a trigger for it. He's definitely going through a growth spurt right now, but the crying's been happening for at least 6 weeks.

We'll look into homeopathy and cranial osteopath when we get home. We'll also dig out the tummy tub. I'd put it away as it was so useless for actually bathing in. I hadn't realised it could help with tummy pain (feel daft now, the name gives it away doesn't it?!) He loves a bath, but it excites him so much i've started doing it during th day instead of at night.

scrivette This is why I'm asking you lot! GP (although lovely normally) seems to be of the 'rod for your own back' brigade and HV told me to start skipping night feeds at three weeks as he was already so big!

Thank you again.

Skipping night feeds at 3 weeks?! Seriously, you should complain, this would have deprived your LO of important nutrition, it's dangerous advice. Plus it would have messed up your supply, at 3 weeks it was still being established.

I sympathise, as I said DS is still grumpy and hard to please in the afternoon and he is 8 months. It might be that once you've established a routine your LO will be easier to settle, although as far as I've read/heard evenings are always the most difficult time of the day (not saying this to discourage you, this is what I'm repeating to myself every day when I'm tired and LO is whining).

Maybe let your DS do whatever he wants (feed, sleep, etc) for about a week and write down the times, and then base your routine on that? Though DS has always been very difficult to put into a routine, I've seen a proper one emerge after 6 months, but now at 9 months his sleep pattern is changing again. Never a dull day... :D

With regards to formula, I would go for the "normal" one, especially as your DS has been ebf. The hungry baby one is harder to digest and he might struggle after only drinking BM, which digests very easily.

Good luck. This too shall pass :)

Er, I feel like a fraud. It's 6.30pm. He's asleep. There were NO tears. No idea what we did/didn't do tonight that we don't/do do normally, but I don't care. I'm having & cuddling DP. Whoop!

OP, you weren't being daft about the TummyTub, as far as I know the name is coincidental. But the upright/scrunched tummy bathing position is a good one for shifting wind/poo. DD always used to poo in hers and her tummy felt softer after a bath. The position in the Tummy Tub also ensures warm water gets on their tummies.

That said, glad to hear all well tonight. Enjoy!!

That's great, i hope you enjoyed your peacful evening.