Has anyone hired a maternity nurse/nanny/sleep expert to help with a sleep problem?

[thecattleareALOHing]

And did it work? Seriously considering it to help with dd who is 10months and getting worse and worse and worse. Still up now. And last night woke at 4am, wide awake and wanting to play. And she won't nap in her cot or in a bed during the day either. She's a wonderful baby. Sunny, social, physically lively...but the lack of sleep is KILLING me.

Tegan, I think you click on 'contact another talker' at the top of the page under 'useful stuff' and you have to put in the nickname of the person you want to contact.

I don't know if anyone would find my post useful. My dd's sleep was atrocious from infancy in all aspects and so my sleep solutions are extreme. I am almost embarassed to relate them because a 2.4 dd should not hold us hostage to this extent. But it works most nights and dh and I are getting sleep (for now):

1. As regards not wanting to go to sleep, dd finds it hard to switch gears - often gets overexcited before bedtime. Her instinct when tired is to rev up rather than wind down. Has never fallen sleep on her own from drowsy in a cot . Aloha, like your dd, she would go ape in a cot. Dd is either nursed down and since she has been weaned from nursing, wheeled to sleep in a buggy.

To reduce the chances of her waking up during the transfer to bed, she is wheeled down in the carseat of a travel system. Once dd is down(could take between 10 and 30 min), the carseat lifted out and put next to the bed, so that the distance of transfer is minimised. Otherwise, I would have to risk carrying her to bed from downstairs. The idea is that she must not get up during transfer. I get into bed with her and make sure she is settled before sneaking off.

2. Due to dd's persistent nature, I made the decision to co-sleep rather than CIO her into a cot. Despite having feet in my face at night, I have grown to like the night cuddles - I WOTH. Dh sleeps in a separate bed, whilst dd and I take over the masterbed.

3. From waking up to 3 times an hour to nurse, Dd generally sleeps through since she was weaned from nursing at 17 months during a nursing strike/teething. I am the last person to believe that it would work. But I was losing my mind and so decided to give it up for my sanity. Was gobsmacked at the improvement in her night wakings.

4. If dd wakes in the night and wants to go downstairs to play, etc, I never allow her to do that. This is the only part where I do CIO. Since she refuses to sleep in a cot, I only give her 2 choices: cot or in bed with me. If she asks to go out of the room, she is put in the cot for 1-2 mins (hysterical) while I lie on a bed next to her. Then I get up and ask her the same thing etc. Might end up doing 2 hours of this before she settles back in bed with me, but the next night, she won't try it on again. I have to "re-train" every 3-4 weeks or so.

I feel comfortable with doing this even though it is harsh on dd - because of all the concessions I have made to her sleep and the fact that she gets the rolls royce of sleep solutions - ie co-sleeping.

So is there any end in sight? I am waiting for her speech to improve and her awareness to kick in more before trying to persuade her to fall asleep in her own bed. It might have to be after she is 3 ...

Thanks for your thots, cat64. Co-sleeping is nice, so I don't really see it as a bad habit. If dd gets a sibling, I would probably have them sleep together in a sibling bed until they are old enough to want their own space. It's a gradual thing

Aloha: no time to read this all but you have my sympathy!

Dd was a complete nightmare sleeper too. Nap? Whats a nap? When I realised she was getting worse at night rather than better (around 8 months) I decided that she was going to have one nap a day in her cot, no matter what. Every day, a couple of hours after she got up, I put her in her grobag in the cot (with a short, and in retrospect useless, sleep routine involving milk and a story). And blackout curtains and white noise and everything else I could think of. She would then scream hysterically for about 45 minutes. You could hear her at the end of the road with all our windows shut. She didn't seem to pause for breath. She was so cross. I went in every 10 minutes. Eventually, she would sleep for 20-30 minutes (snuffling and hiccuping). And then wake up screaming and cross. When I would get her up and feed her and take her out to calm her down. I didn't bother with any more naps in that day and just let her do her own thing at night as usual.

This is the important bit. After about a week, she gave up. Crying time down to less than 10 minutes, sleep for 45 minutes, wake up happy. Repeat 3 times a day.

So then we started cc at night. It took a while, mainly I think because she was genuinely hungry (cr*p eater as well). But we did get there.

As she has got older and shown herself to be incredibly stubborn, I've understood what her issue was!

I don't know if this helps any.

If not, have you considered Phenergan? Or earplugs?

I can fully understand where you are coming from blueshoes seeing as dd comes into our bed at night sometimes but as soon as she is asleep I take her back to her bed.
Tonight she had a bath with big sis and I put her pj's on (another minefield) and put her to bed, when she got up dh put her back, this happened twice and now she is flat out. DH doesn't usually get involved but I thinkhe is starting to realise I am losing my mind.

cat64 - I'm not sure that is the case. I think many children transfer from co-sleeping to bed extremely well if the timing is right!

Ours did so very easily indeed

Those of you who have done or are thinking of going the night nanny route - how do you get around them screaming hysterically when someone unknown goes to them ? and resist running to them ? ds3 is 14 months and still can wake hourly to feed. Never really wants to play luckily and can be settled in the evening just not for long! If I send in dh he screams blue murder, on the evenings we are out he also screams for the babysitter (and this is someone he knows pretty well) but not too long I hope, but I'm not there to hear. Must say I have wondered about getting someone else in to sort the sleeping for me, but not sure I could bear him being so upset with me able to hear. Think I'm going to try fruitfuls method and sort out a day sleep first and build from there. ds1 only napped in the day after a walk in the pram - I then just left him asleep in the garden bundled up. Went out in all weather - sometimes had to walk for over an hour in the rain to settle him though!

Hiya, I have frequently wanted to hire one of those night nurse type people - preferably Dr Tanya Byron, how lovely - and fantastic - does she seeem??

My dd is 2y 5m and has always been a bad sleeper. She didn't sleep through till 18m, and that was when we changed from bf her to sleep, and cuddling her while asleep for 10 mins before putting her down. She'd wake after 45 mins, but would go back to sleep with a couple minutes of patting (not picked up). Then around 3am, at best, she'd wake up screaming and I'd take her into bed with us. Flailing limbs meant that dh and i did not get much more sleep. She would also feed several more times a night and I was too tired to do anything to try and stop it as was also working.

Then, dh got ill with bad cough and cold, so I decided to sleep on sofabed with dd to try and stop her from catching it. She fell asleep quickly and the night wakings stopped almost immediately which made the absolute world of difference. It was so good that we have stuck with this arrangement ever since. It's not ideal, but it works for us and we generally all get a good night's sleep. She's stopped bf too, and I'm hoping that she will soon be able to make the move into her own room.... fingers crossed eh!

Good luck, I know it's hellish and it's hard to find help. I did get some online advice, foc, from an Australian expert. I will find her details and post them.

australian sleep expert tizzie hall

You can buy documents from her, but I emailed her and she wrote back personally, several times, and was really quite helpful.

hope this helps a bit.

Hi

I am in the early stages of setting up a consultancy service for parents. It will be web based with home based assessments and follow up in the London/surrounding areas to begin with. The idea is it would be a bit like having 'supernanny' come in and advise/help.

I have lots of experience with parenting techniques and ran parenting programmes over the course of my three year employment within a children's charity. I am actually nannying at the moment as a semi interim thing while my dp and the family find our feet having moved to where we are only 6 months ago. Dp is a web designer.

Anyway, I am between nanny positions at the mo (until new position starts in February) and looking for temp work but I just noticed your post and it occurred to me that there might be a vague possibility you would be interested in being my first proper client - free of charge.

If you are at all interested then please CAT me to discuss. All I would ask is for travel reimbursement if you are outside of London and/or a reference if you felt that my input was helpful.

Lots to discuss if you were interested but I just happened upon this post and a big light lit above my head saying 'mutual opportunity'.

CAT me anyway and I'll see if I can help - if you were nearby could even do a bit of night babysitting for you! I have a CRB, etc.

Wow! I sound awful making propositions like this - sorry!

Have bought USD24 worth of the Tizzie Hall Australian articles. Will let you know how myself and my "up every 2 hours" DS get on!

Nannyme - hello! I'll cat you.

Hi

Apologies to anyone who had tried to CAT me - especially Aloha.

For some reason the CAT facility had disenabled itself.

Hopefully I have rectified this now.

2 ideas for those not able to get nanny help - this is what worked for us might work for some of you...

1. I know many people are sooooo anti-medicine, but I think this is an alternative to discuss with doctor if you have extreme sleeping problems - it worked for us . DS never slept more than 12 hours in every 24 from day 1 and never more than 2 hours at a time. He would cry, then scream, then vomit. We would change his sheets (at 3 in the morning) put him back to bed and the same thing would happen - he simply went hysterical to and beyond point of vomiting when we left him to fall asleep by himself, and he would wake up 4-5 times each night. Other than this he was happiest baby/toddler you could hope for and never seemed tired. We tried everything and read every book. Eventually at 18 months we discussed with doctor who reassured that 1-2% babies just (a) don't need much sleep and (b) will get too upset to allow routine to get established in first place. Solution was to put him to bed later and to give antihistamine as soon as he woke then follow normal controlled crying stuff but with very short intervals. He was still upset but after 30 mins drugs would kick in and he would drift off. We repeated for about 5 nights I think and he just got used to dropping off even though he would sometimes still be sniffing/hiccupping when he did so. We stopped drugs but continued technique and it worked. Friend of mine had similar result by accident when child had bad cold, using medised (which is non-prescription).

2. At round about same time friend recommended a cranial osteopath which we had thought were only useful for young babies, but found that isn't the case and they work with toddlers/children as well. The theory I think is that kids wake up because pressure builds up in their ears when they sleep and can't escape. He didn't enjoy the sessions much(squirmed and whinged) but I think they really helped too - he is much less 'snuffly' than he used to be. Our view was no harm in trying and seemed to help loads - since sessions he seems to sleep much more solidly.

No idea if osteopath alone would have cured sleep problems - maybe - but would advise anyone interested to do a google search on 'cranial osteopath & sleep' for info. DS had 3 sessions over three weeks at about £25 each.

We wished we hadn't waited 18 months before looking for outside help - all the time DS was being stressed just as much as we were. But I'd convinced myself I must have gone wrong somewhere because all the books just pile on these reassurances that CC works if you do it properly, so I just thought I was messing it up by being too cruel/too kind/too attached/etc/etc. If you have an extreme problem I recommend discussing both of above with GP. And good luck.

Aloha - sorry to miss all the requests for the sleep lady contacts. You have them all now I think.
Hope things work out ok with nannyme - if not I can't recommend Andrea too highly, she really saved my bacon. I don't know if we hit it off particularly well but I found her immensely sympathetic, gentle and sensible. I think alot has to do with how well you get on with the person you're consulting, how much you trust their judgement etc. She was a great support in the very dark days of sleep deprivation. She was also so good at judging what ds needed and 100% supportive of bfing.
Some would say I saw her too early (5 months)but I wanted to guide ds into good sleep habits before I set up problems that would have taken a longer time to undo.
Good luck with it all, although somewhere in our heads we know it will improve with time. it's bloody dreadful when you're in the middle of it.

To those who have emailed me; I have drafted replies to each of you but not sent them yet. Unfortunately I was having my own sleep deprivation last night as youngest ds had a temp of 39.7 all through the night and we had to take a trip to hospital to get suppositary paracetamol. Fun, fun, fun...

He is fine now, btw.

Look out for my email later - will send this eve.

Argh suppository paracetomol the mind boggles, nannyme. Hope ds is feeling better now, and good luck with your new business.

Anyone having any success yet.
DD has a nasty cold but we have changed tactics and so far so good.

What is the current magic formula Tegan? You're not allowed to keep it to yourself! lol

Aloha, my dd does exactly the 4.00am crawling, pulling up, playing behavour you've talked about but only when she's teething. Mind you, it can go on for a couple of weeks before any actual evidence of teeth appear. Could it be this?

Crap though it is, the thought that it might only be for a couple of weeks usually gets me through the nightly 3 hours of horror.

Well we have had a couple of successful nights due to dh sitting with dd until she is asleep. I think she knows he won't let her get away with things as much as me.
Nannyme - got the cat will be back to you if things don't work out. Thanks anyway.

Have proposed my feature idea and waiting for them to get back to me. DD still waking at night. Dh is sleeping with her after her first waking (around 3am) in the hope she will sleep better away from the milk bar (me), but he's knackered because she seems quite a light sleeper and moves around a lot. I fed her once in the small hours and once again at around 6am. She took ages to go to sleep with dh next to her - and it was late too, after 9pm.

if anyone has any cures for the 5am waking thinking, do let me know. DH and I are knackered, as is DS.

PS That Australian site is dung. It's controlled crying, only she pretends your baby is only 'shouting'. Bollocks.