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Sleep

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Original poster

Has anyone hired a maternity nurse/nanny/sleep expert to help with a sleep problem?

147 replies

thecattleareALOHing · 30/12/2005 22:23

And did it work? Seriously considering it to help with dd who is 10months and getting worse and worse and worse. Still up now. And last night woke at 4am, wide awake and wanting to play. And she won't nap in her cot or in a bed during the day either. She's a wonderful baby. Sunny, social, physically lively...but the lack of sleep is KILLING me.

OP posts:
popsycalindisguise · 01/01/2006 22:37

OH YES

busywizzy · 01/01/2006 23:35

Popsy, glad you found this thread. Was just reading your update on Sleepless in Newcastle and was going to point you here.

Hope it gets better for both of you soon.

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 02/01/2006 11:46

Was feeding dd her lunch today and by 11.30 she was so tired she was literally lolling, eyes closed, in her high chair. I take her upstairs, pop her in her nice cot - screaming habdabs, instantly wide awake, crying, standing up, walking around the cot, trying to climb out, red face, tears. Try picking her up and putting her down, but every time she springs up and gets more distressed and more awake. Nightmare. Nightmare.

OP posts:
merrySOAPBOXingday · 02/01/2006 11:50

Aloha - I'm sure you've probably tried it - but what about making a little bed nest on the floor in the sitting room or putting her in her pram in the hall way so that she doesn't have to do the cot during the day and can sleep near to you?

It sounds to me like she has cot phobia - or possibly only being parted from Mummy phobia and keeping her very close by might just be a solution.

I used to pop DS in hte pram in the hallway, rock it back and forth a few times until he was off and then just leave him there for a couple of hours

tribpot · 02/01/2006 11:50

Is it maybe separation anxiety, aloha? Will she sleep in the buggy/car seat/on your knee? It must be awful for you both and so frustrating.

Seona1973 · 02/01/2006 13:22

sounds as if your lo has started associating the cot with a bad experience (controlled crying maybe?)

In one of the babywhisperer books she suggests putting your lo in the cot to play for a short time each day to try and get them to see the cot as a nice place to be (have toys, use lots of distraction, etc). Start off with only 1 or 2 minutes and take your lo out before they get distressed. Once your lo is more comfortable in the cot you can let them play in the cot for a bit while you move around the room and when they are ok with that you can go in and out the room, reassuring your lo by talking to them and let them know you will come back to them. (Sounds long drawn out but at least your lo may be more prepared to be put in the cot at the end of it).

Once your lo is ok with being put in the cot you may have more success at being able to put her into the cot awake and let her settle herself to sleep. Given her reaction to controlled crying it may be worth trying something different e.g. gradual withdrawal (sit in the room till your lo goes to sleep and gradually over a period of time get closer to the door until you are outside the room) or pick up/put down (at your lo's age it would be more put down without picking them up).

take care

littledonkeyrach · 02/01/2006 14:03

Well, I shall watch this thread too, as DD2 doesn't sleep too well either.

What is it with second children?

She sounds very similar to yours, Aloha, very sociable, full of beans, happy and smiley, etc. We looked in to the andrea Grace thing, but much of it was what we already knew.

I have resigned myself to the fact that she just isn't a good sleeper!

She goes to sleep on her own, usually really easily, but will then wake up a number of times each night, usually from about 11pm onwards. Then you hear "Muuummmmmyyyyyyyy" from her room. If we leave her she shrieks more loudly.

Sometimes it is only once a night, over xmas it was 18 times.

So I will wait for the magic answerhat someone must hold!!

Tinker · 02/01/2006 14:30

Another fellow sufferer here. Goes down ok, just wakes approx 3 times per night. Am back at work full-time end of Jan so am watching this.

Agree yours does sound like separation anxiety aloha. To get my 2nd asleep in the cot (day and evening), I've resorted to staying in the room. I ignore her and switch on pc but she does drop off eventually. But what I do know?

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 02/01/2006 14:45

She might well go to sleep in the living room or pram...but ds is always here (apart from preschool of just 2.5 hours a day - gah! - from this month) and is very noisy and talkative, so the chances of her getting an undisturbed couple of hours is non-existent that way, I think. Ds's presence is also the problem with the letting her play in her cot stuff - though I do pop her in there if, for example, I'm tidying her clothes. She won't be actually left there though. I think that ds was easier to leave because he had a dummy!

OP posts:
Tinker · 02/01/2006 14:50

Hmm, have even tried a dummy here...

littledonkeyrach · 02/01/2006 15:31

oh yes, we have a dummy, thpugh she sometimes falls asleep with out it. And it falls out in the night, and doesn't always he;lp her to go back to sleep when she wakes up.

cat64 · 02/01/2006 17:27

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tegan · 02/01/2006 20:30

Aloha - i know exactly where you are coming from. I am currently sat in tears trying to get dd2 (20 months) to stay in bed and go to sleep. She keeps getting up and then when she sees me laughs and runs into her room, so I keep putting her back and telling her I will be back in a minute but before I have got to the door she is back up. What can I do, it is tearing me apart.

tegan · 02/01/2006 21:14

Lummox I would be interested to see the sleep plan you refered too as I have bought every book and tried every technique and nothing is working. I even had the HV come up for 4 nights to assist and she ended up saying I had my work cut out and good luck.

busywizzy · 02/01/2006 21:20

Oh Tegan, poor you. Aren't HV's just hopeless. Hope you get some good advice here.

tribpot · 02/01/2006 21:44

tegan didn't you have a problem a while back with your dd, and some success with PUPD and letting her nap longer in the day? Apols if that was not you. If it was, it sounds like your probs are back with a vengeance.

calcium · 02/01/2006 22:58

thecattle you poor thing I really sypathise. Dd1 was an awful sleeper waking 6 times a night till she was nearly 2 but at least she slept well in the day, she sleeps now at night but still wakes and comes upstairs where I take her down again.

Dd2 is now 15 months and hasn't slept through the night yet, she wakes several times and won't sleep more than half an hour in the day if we are lucky. I have had it what with both of them waking at night, I have totally forgotton what it is like to be normal and have a proper night sleep. I would have her in bed with us if I thought it would help but she just gets all happy and chirpy and refuses to go back to sleep. We did the dummy thing with dd1 but she would then wake when it fell out so I refused to do it second time around, wish I had now but feel its too late to introduce it and i am going to stick to my guns.

I have the Millpond clinics number as well but just always thought it crazy to spend money when we have tried most things and are just facing up to the fact we have bad sleepers. At least they are happy healthy children but that doesn't come into it when you are sleep deprived. I haven't gone a day in the last three and a half years without saying "I'm tired " at least 3 times!!!

Do share the secret if you crack it.

cat64 · 02/01/2006 23:12

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99redballoons · 03/01/2006 08:14

My brother tried Night Nannies for his first ds a few years ago with success. I see it's been mentioned a few times in the thread.

Also alibubbles is a doula in Herts and can help with this sort of thing. Her website is thinksmall .HTH

WhatAcow · 03/01/2006 08:27

havnt read whole thread, but i used NIGHT NANNIES to get ds2 to sleep through without milk. he was [gasp] 15mth by then and with no3 due in jan we were getting a little desperate. he's so stubborn and like you, i was just too tired to do the required.

she came for 4 nights and lo and behold, he was sleeping through and without milk. hurrah!

this was a few months ago, and TBH, the whole christmas thing, with routine changes and stuff has put us back a step or two... i now go in to him with a bottle of milk about once a night and he goes to sleep with one too, but thats still doable compared to how he was.

anyway. good luck sleep deprivation is TORTURE so you have my, and everyone elses, total sympathies

acnebride · 03/01/2006 09:35

tegan, ds did the getting up thing quite a bit, we ended up sitting with him as cat64 says, i hated it with a passion as i always ended up dropping off in the dark room and it could take 2 hours to get him off, hence no evening for me. we do seem to have cracked it (for the moment) as after 30 minutes or so one night I'd just had it and yelled at him to GO TO BED. unfortunately i don't think it's possible to fake the level of hysteria in my voice at that point. it also took daddy cracking the following night and doing the same thing. since then he's been fairly sorted. not much help but you never know.

tegan · 03/01/2006 12:47

I have had many problems with her sleeping and even tried the herbal approach and it seemed to work for a while. I do sit on her bed sometimes until she is asleep but it's not really ltting her go to sleep on her own.
Tonight I am taking a different approach, lets see if that works.

lummox · 03/01/2006 13:57

Tegan, you're very welcome - CAT me and I'll send it on, but ds was only 4.5 months when it was done and so it may not be of much use. Sounds really hard.

sandybee1 · 03/01/2006 15:37

Apologies in advance for long message , please can anyone give me some advice & hope - my DS is 19 mths and has been a great seeper going down at 8pm by himself and genealy sleeping until 8am. He would occasonally wake if he had a cold or something lkie that but wuld always go back to slep straight away after a cuddle. But for the past 2 weeks he has refused point blank to go to bed - screaming hysterically. In the end i have just put him in the cot and let him cry it out. He would eventually go to sleep. But then he began waking at 3/4am and because we had visitors over xmas we took him into our bed. But he just tossed and turned and had the most awful restless legs and took 2-3 hrs to go back to sleep. Then a week ago when once again i left him to cry in his cot after he refused to go to bed and he climbed out and fell head first onto wooden floors, passed out and vomited and we spent the night in A&E. After this we decided to get him a toddler bed as we couldn take the chance of him falling out of the cot again. But now we are having a nightmare getting him to sleep in it. I did PU/PD a few nights ago with some success when i put him down but now he is waking at 12/1am and is wide awake and won't go back to sleep until 6/7am!! This has been for the past 5 nights - DP and I are shattered. we both work and hve no family or friends near us to help. I am at my wits end. To add to it my DP has suffered with imsomnia for years and is now in the throes of it and he has had no sleep for 2 weeks, I am getting the odd hour here and there.

has anyone else gone through this? Is it a phase?any advice on how to get him sleeing through or even back to sleep would be greaty appreciated.
Once again sorry for the long message!!!

tegan · 03/01/2006 16:36

I guess we are in the same boat.
Can someone tell me how to CAT as I am quite new to all this.