3 yo 'scared of monsters' & refusing to sleep in own bed

[iskra]

Typing from phone while bfing, excuse typos.

This is the second Night DD age 3 y 4 m has refused to sleep in her own bed. She goes through the routine fine then when left in her room as normal starts crying & says she's scared her doll is a monster etc. I can't do rapid return or anything at the moment as I am doing bedtime solo & have 6 w dd2 who is unsettled in the evenings. DD went to bed happily in the spare room, requesting the door be shut & i fetch her doll. DP will be fuming in the morning when he finds out I let her but don't see any other option when single handed!

Does anyone else have experience of this or suggestions of ways to tackle it? I guess DD might be expressing qnixety - new sib, new house, DP started new job that has a varied shift pattern, new nursery. But all of those changes are 6 weeks old or more so not a new thing.

It is a lot of changes in a young life....but thats how life goes sometimes.
Try getting yourself off to the library and ask the librarian to help you find 'good monster' books, we have one at the moment in which the monster actually wants a kiss...cant recall its name without going into sleeping DDs room, also 'under the bed' in which monsters are scared of the human in the bed....i cant promise it will work but its worth a try.....that and as many cuddles as you can squeeze in. Hope it helps

My DS did something similar a few months ago. Also shortly after the birth of his new brother.

We avoided all potentially "scary" things during the day. Total ban on any mention of monsters, crocodiles, dinosaurs, etc (books, TV, toys). "Scary things" were removed from his room (in particular there was a poster with a bird on which he didn't like).

We tried to keep bedtimes happy and him diverted. We made sure he went to be early, before he was overtired. When he brought up the scary thing in his room (he called it the "black thing"), we would just tell him it was only a pretend thing, not real and it couldn't hurt him. We also let him sleep with his light on, and take a toy to bed (not a soft toy, more something to distract him with as he fell asleep, it varied but he had things like trains and books).

Beyond this I think what we did was bascially rapid return too, although there was no real strategy! I still have memories of his dreadful sleep as a baby, so was quite strict about him staying in his own bed and falling asleep on his own. But he did get lots of cuddles and reassurance.

It was just a phase with him. It probably lasted for about a month. Hope you find the same.

My niece (3) also went through a 'baddy' phase recently. Dsis hoped it would improve, but it dragged on...

...Until my mum got involved while they were visiting.

DN was found middle of the night in the middle of the floor surrounding herself with teddies
DGM - What are you doing DN?
DN - I am protecting myself from the baddies
DGM - Well! (hands on hips) Since when were there baddies in my house? I sprinkle fairy dust all around every night, shut all the doors and DGF is here to make sure they don't even look at the house. So get back into bad and go to sleep
DN -oh ok

Next night mum just said to her at bedtime, well no nonsense tonight, no messing around. just in bed and sleep ok. DN - ok

Apparently the tactic was recommended to her by a supernanny she knows.

It worked though - no more baddies

Hope it gets better for you soon.

we have monster repelling paint on the walls, extra strong

Monster spray is good, add some lavender oil which is calming, spray where she thinks they might come out (around bed etc.) It's magic and will protect her...

Tonight an absolute shitstorm. Dp isn't here at bedtimes & I had both of them - DD and 6 wo dd2 - screaming. DD said she is scared of wolves and she thinks there are wolves in this country because she wasn't scared in her old bed (in our old house). Talked up making a monster/bad thing spray together tomorrow, said I had a special recipe, she seemed reassured by the idea. And dp will be here. Argh. Just feels like the last straw and awful when both of them are screaming. Feel like am coping badly.

Monster spray worked well for us (3.5 yo dd).

I've always had to do bed times by myself and it can be a total nightmare, and I've only got one. I'm sure you are doing very well!

Hi Iskra, I feel for you and your story reminds me of when my DS was the same age with DS no.2 just a few months old. At her age the imagination runs riot and fear of the dark often creeps in. Does she have a nightlight in her room? We installed a nightlight and also kept his bedroom door open with landing light on for extra reassurance. I'd love to say this worked....it did for a couple of nights but the problem reappeared, as did DS at the side of our bed every night up to 8 times! In the end, I made him a sleep chart, personalised it to look like the things he was interested in at the time and this worked for him. 3y 4m is a good age for reward charts to be started, after you have tackled everything else, and it sounds like you have done. Little by little, DS stayed in his bed and loved the fuss made in the mornings because he had done so! Best of luck, A x

My DD has been doing a fair bit of this lately, about same age as your DD OP.

It is a FACT (probably) that big bad wolves can't get into houses made of bricks (assuming yours is?). The Three Little Pigs is a bad choice of bedtime story (avoid the version where the pigs get eaten!) but if she's heard it elsewhere then just keep reminding her that the pig with the brick house stays safe.

The Gruffalo is too stupid to be able to catch anything (he was outwitted by a mouse, FFS!).

Monsters don't like the rain, or hot weather (due to their fur). Also FACT. Failing that, monster spray or the monster meter app on iPhone (allows you to "scan" room for monsters, you can set it to zero).

Ditto bears.

Other things we do are a nightlight in her room, landing light stays on.

I've got a 12wo baby and DH also rarely home for bed time, so know how you feel! Sometimes I have to put the baby in his cot and leave him to cry whilst I put DD to bed. She seems oblivious to him crying. Not ideal though - talk about being torn in two!

Just use your imagination. My DD seems to accept my explanations as long as they are plausible (or at least as plausible as the existence of monsters).

is it important what bed she sleeps in?

or is it better she sleeps regardless of what bed/room she is in?