19 month old has woken at 5.00am ish for last 10 months - help!

[sheeplikessleep]

DS2 has never been a good sleeper. Was awake 3 - 4 times a night until 10 months old, when I did night weaning / DH cuddled him / patted him back to sleep. He then slept through until 5ish, which at the time we thought was great.

Fast forward 9 months and he still begins every day at any point between 4.30am and 5.30am. He refuses to go back to sleep and he is very much awake.

I am shattered and so is DH. We take it in turns to do the 'morning shift' and try to go to bed earlier in the evenings, but I really want to try to do something to delay his wake up time. We have left him to cry for up to an hour before, but he just escalates and inevitably wakes his older brother.

Any advice or solutions would be really appreciated. We've tried pretty much everything (to my knowledge) - giving him some porridge before bed, going out for early evening walk (I read on a thread about getting daylight at that time of day), putting him to bed later. He goes down at 7 and at that time is totally ready for his sleep and normally just turns over and falls straight asleep then.

He now sleeps for an hour / hour and a half after an early lunch (sometimes it is a struggle to keep him awake until 12ish though).

Help!

One thing for it, but it will be hard (but all being well, very short).

Cry it out.

Do not go in. At this age, going in to 'reassure' does nothing but antagonise them and prolong the crying. I know you are worried about waking the older one, but it is a necessary evil.

We did it with our 15 month old. One night. I kid you not. One night of 50 mins (exactly) crying at 5.05 in the morning. Then suddenly silence. I crept in to check ok and he was asleep. He slept until 8 and woke up in the most wonderful mood (HE obviously needed the sleep even more than we did). The next night I was psyched up for another crying episode but NOTHING. Slept through to 7.30. That was 3 weeks ago and still never waking up before 6.45.

Yes, one night might be the excpetion, but I did loads of research before we did this (hence comment on antagonising rather than reassuring if you go in at this age) and apparently you should expect it to take anywhere between 1 - 5 nights.

It will be hard, but will be worth it. For the whole family.

Good luck

I see you have left him before, but then presumably went in. Grit your teeth and crack on. I stopped my husbnd going in after half hour becaise I said we were actually doing him a disservice if we go in after half hour as we have achieved nothing but got him upset. 20 mins later, silence. If he lasts until a reasonable time (my view if anything after 6.30), then go in, draw curtains and start the day. It will be grim, but do the same the next day, and the day after. Do it for a week.

I absolutely agree with previous posters. Let him cry it out. We did the same at 6 months and it worked after 3 nights. We still use the same approach if problems resurface. DS is also 19 months. If your older dc understands you can explain to him and maybe comfort him during the process. Or maybe he can stay at a friend or relative for a few nights till it's sorted.

I am happy to let him cry it out if that is what will work.
BUT, often he poos first thing in the morning, a few mornings ago he'd wee'ed through to his bodysuit and pjs. Would it be a really bad idea to check on him just once and then leave him to it? How long did it take until your DS the first morning?
Thanks for posting.

sorry, just re-read that it took 50 minutes.
we have left him up to an hour before and his screaming just escalates. admittedly, i don't think we did it again the following morning, so maybe he will take a few nights, before getting used to a reasonable wake up time.
thanks

Sheeplikessleep I am in exactly the same position with my DS!! I could've written your post... Except with us it's anywhere between4 and 5am. If we leave him to cry (scream) he just escalates which is nothing like my previous experience of controlled crying at 7 months which worked a treat and he only cried for 40 mins then.

He genuinely seems ready to start his day and nothing will convince him to go back to sleep. Like you I would be happy to do cry it out but he gets hysterical and I'm just not sure it will work. Need more convincing so convince me!! Please! I need to sleep longer and see my husband for more than an hour in the evening....

We have been having the same problem with 18mth old DS2. For weeks now he has been waking in the night & then ready to get up at 5am. Think it was teething for first few weeks but that seems to have abated & I think the early waking is now a habit.

At our wits end we left him to cry it out on Sat morning. He cried from 4.30 until 6.30 when I got up. 2hrs!!!! I am deaf in one ear so was able to roll onto my good ear & go back to sleep as was so shattered, otherwise I would never have left him so long. Was worried that he would be traumatised by it but when I went in to get him he immediately stopped crying & was all smiles! Left him again yesterday morning - this time checked him after an hour of screaming which was a big mistake as made him scream worse! Got him after another hour of screaming. This morning he started up at 3.45am. Left him to cry and he went quiet after only about 5mins. He did cry intermittently for a minute or so each time, but didn't wake fully until 6.45am!!! Hoping this is breakthrough and that tomorrow morning will be better.

Just wanted to let you know that there is hope as really didn't think cry-it-out would work with him as he is so stubborn!

I have the same thing with 20mo DS. We have tried everything - no nap, one nap, two naps, early bed, late bed, early tea, late tea, milk befor bed, bananas before bed, groclock,untuned radio in his room, wake to sleep, walks before bed to get the sunshine and we have done cc for up to a month at a time (that's a month of 1-2 hours crying until its get up time EVERY morning). Nothing works.

We are knackered, and if one more smegging person says "just leave him to cry and he'll start sleeping longer" or "i wouldnt get up that early, he'll soon learn" I will kill them on the spot with my death stare - It Does Not Work For Our DS.

The HV has no ideas, and said that some children just wake up early and there's nothing you can do about it (wish she had admitted that before the month of cc hell).

So no helpful advice from me, but lots of sympathy!!!!

OP, have you tried wake to sleep yet? If not then lots of people on here seem to have had results with it so worth a try. Do a search and read some of the threads - the basic idea is that you go in and half-wake them about an hour before they usually wake themselves, which is supposed to 'reset' them so that they begin a new sleep cycle and sleep longer. After a few days it's supposed to stick as a routine. Apologies if you have already tried it. And sympathy. My DS did this for about a month and, thankfully, then it just stopped.

Thanks all for posting.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one half asleep on the settee at 5am with an energetic one running around. This morning was 4.30am, which I guess is the hour change yesterday.

Lack of sleep affects everything doesn't it. Me and DH are rowing constantly and I'm shouting at DS1 for the smallest thing. I feel like such a bad mum at the moment. I hate the fact I'm so short tempered. I know his sleep isn't that bad in the grand scheme of it all, but to be awake so early every day for nearly a year is getting to me.

I haven't tried wake to sleep, because he doesn't wake at the same time, sometimes it's 4, sometimes it's 5.30 (a lie in!). I'm not sure how to 'catch' his sleep cycle at the right time. I'll look into that though, as it certainly seems less stressful on all than cry it out.

Zeeky - that's reassuring that leaving has worked for you and your lo. It's nice to hear some success stories.

Gettheparty started - I'm sorry it hasn't worked for you and really hope things change soon for you and you start seeing some sleep!

Quick update from me. This morning DS cried out at 4:13 and I just felt so tired and unwell that I decided to leave him to cry it out. He yelled (not crying more throat ripping roaring - unpleasant!) for 40 minutes and then miraculously fell asleep until 6:45 when he woke up happy and certainly didn't seem to hold it against me!!

So I will try the same Going forward in the hope that it breaks the early waking habit. I'll keep you posted.

Great stuff Vix, that's brilliant!
DS2 woke at 2.30am (very unusual to be that early!), so I checked he was OK, not cold, wet or whatever and he was fine, but just awake for some reason. I ended up giving him Nurofen after an hour of him crying (I wonder if he is teething) and he slept until 6.15am (DS1 was awake at 4.30am, but that's a different matter!). Gawd, now I'm paranoid he is in pain in the night! DH reckons he always sleeps until a sensible time if he has an awake period in the night.

Hi this is my first post on Mumsnet, came on looking for top tips for exactly the same thing. My DS3 was waking up at 6am but for the last couple of weeks has moved back to 5am. Always feel so sorry for myself at that time as imagine the rest of the world asleep! Hollers very loudly and has clearly had enough sleep as starts to babble and point at things as soon as I go in, indicating he is more than ready to start the day. What I have been doing, which he seems OK with, is rushing downstairs to get a bottle and taking it into his room, turning the light on and giving him the bottle and a few books and saying "see you in a while" before diving back under my duvet. Then can hear him chatting to himself and seems quite content for about 40mins. Obviously still have to get up initially but get to lay down again 5 mins later and have a semi-snooze until the rest of the house starts to wake up. Sleeps through most nights and has a good nap in the day so dont want to rock the boat too much really. Keep telling myself he will grow out of it eventually. Am never going to tell my three to get up when they hit their teens as will be so happy for the lie- ins myself by then!

On iPhone so will be brief. Yesterday (day 2) he cried half heatedly at 4.40 for 30 mins then slept til 6.50. Today he slept until 6am no early crying at all! Amazing!

loveonashoestring - welcome to mumsnet! i'd say if your ds is able to play whilst you have a few more zzzzz's, then definitely don't rock the boat!

vix - glad to hear you're having success! brilliant news. not too good here. we have done cio since wednesday morning (although i do have to check on him first, as he normally poo's upon waking!). wednesday - checked when he woke at 5amish, left him for an hour, he fell asleep for 40 minutes, so awake for the day at 6.40am. ok. thursday - checked (he'd pooed!) when he woke at 5.30, he cried for an hour, then fell asleep until 7.10 (when i had to wake him to go to nursery). today - checked at 5.30. he cried until 6.30, when we had to get up anyway today.

i'm so despondent, as it just doesn't seem to be working. he goes off eventually (albeit not consistently), but it's taking an hour and doesn't seem to be getting better after 3 days. agh!

I feel for you. I don't have much advice but know what it's like to be awake at stupid o clock. My 19 month old was wide awake at 4.45 this morning, full of beans but I knew that was it for the day! Xx

Watching this thread with interest. My 10 month old has just started this early waking - 4.30 - 5am every day for the last week. I'm desperate to nip it in the bud. I've tried giving a bottle then bringing her into my bed but she just screams (right down my ear!) until I get her up.

I'm hoping a late night tonight (at a bonfire party) might make her sleep in tomorrow. If not, ear-plugs might be the way forward!

I removed dd's daytime nap when she was just short of 2. It was affecting her going to sleep at night and consequently getting up in the morning, leading to a viscious circle.

It might be time to think about doing that.

good luck! 4yo DS1 still does this and always has done. DH and I have accepted it and shifted our day to match - we go to bed at 9pm. Apparently I was the same as a child, so getting payback I suppose!

Hi sheep, how are you getting on with your early wakings? My 10 month old DS is in the 5am waking habit and I'm wondering whether to try the same.

hmmm, not so good. we've tried it religiously and we've relaxed a bit now (he's still crying for a while before we go into him). it's not working. to be honest, he's now waking at 4.30am - 5. i've resigned myself to the fact we are just going to have to get up early from now until he decides he'd like to wake at a more sociable time like 6. i hope it works for you!

Sorry to hear that It's rubbish isn't it, I get so irrationally angry getting woken up at 5am everyday. Once I'm up and about it's better, but I hate feeling like that at the start of everyday.

Thanks for the update, I hope things improve soon.