Would you take a look at my 8MO's nightime waking? I'm close to not coping.

[multicolourcat]

DD is 8MO and is waking about every 3 hours in the night to feed. I am so so tired that last night I felt like I couldn't cope, had to get DP in with her as I just needed to get away from her. I felt like I couldn't stand her :( I love her so so much, but my tiredness is really testing me and i'm feeling pretty emotional about it all TBH.

At 10 weeks she was sleeping through the night, then started waking once a night, and it has pregressively got worse. I tried introducing a dream feed a few months back at 10ish in the hope that she would top up and go longer, and it worked for a while, adn would sleep then all the way until 3 or 4 but then she started waking at 1 anyway, so decided to drop the dream feed and just go by her, but now she wakes automatically at 10ish for a feed, then at about 1 and then at about 3 or 4 and then is up for the day at 6am. This has been going on for a while. And now increasingly it is becoming hard to settle her as she wakes up too much. Last night I had to end up taking her into bed, shoving my boob in her mouth and letting her suck to sleep. Not great

She started on solids at 6MO and now she eats three meals a day (though can be more interested some days than others) plus breast feeds morning, midmorning, midarvo and bedtime. I do feed her to sleep at bedtime, but this is more because she falls asleep whilst feeding. During her 2 daytime naps (about 1 hour 15 - 1 hour30 each, morning and early arvo) I don't feed her to sleep, but do rock her and sing as she doesn't become drousy otherwise (she struggled to have ANY naps for a very long time and putting her into the cot for naps has only been happening for the last 2 months, so helping to get her to become drousy has been necessary to get this far). Can she really be hungry all these times in the night? Or is she just using my boob for comfort? During the night she will feed for half an hour, yet in the daytime she will only feed for maybe 10minutes each time, so I am worried she is needing the feeds at night time as maybe not getting enough in the day, and don't even know how to begin reducing them. Surely I don't need to be feeing her more in the day? My whole day already seems to be focused around her food, whether it be boob or solid, and naps. I can't fit in more feeds surely?

She doesn't like it at all then DP goes into settle her in the night at all. Probably just becasue she is used to me, but she gets really upset even if he is cuddling/rocking/singing to her. But will settle if he is putting her down for a nap in the day time.

I don't really know what specific advice I am asking for. Just anything. I can't believe that at 8MO she should be needing to feed so regularly in the night. Sorry for the long rambling post, my brain doesn't work anymore to think before I write.

I don't understand why other babies are sleeping through and my LO is not. Is it really down to the baby, or is there something else I should be doing? I don't even care about her sleeping through, just if she would drop one feed I feel like i could cope more.

thanks for your advice in advance. :)

And now she has just woken up from her nap after 20 mins ...really need some sleep over here.

Will post properly later, but just to reassure you other babies aren't sleeping through. 8mo dd has been having 2+ nightfeeds since birth, always up for the day at 6. She has slept through 7 times in her life (5 of them last week!). It's grim.
Only practical tip is to give weetabix for pudding in the evening. This always results in better sleep for dd.

poor you, been there. for some time dh did the bedtime routine and night wakings while I hid in the bedroom sobbing
it got a bit better but then slowly crept back...so we started co-sleeping as then I would get a little more sleep.
finally weaned at 18m and it took her a week to sleep through.
can you go away for a night to a friend's house? for some rest and for dp to establish a routine?

thanks for your posts grass and mousy

mousy but she is feeding in the night, so hoe can DP do the night time? do you think I should drop the feeds in the night? Can I do this? worried that she is hungry.

DS2 didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old. He fed very regularly through the night and often wouldn't settle in his cot afterwards. The only way I could find to cope was to co-sleep after the first waking and let him just get on with breastfeeding on demand. He reduced the night feeds on his own and eventually started staying in his cot all night long. In the meantime, I got some much needed sleep.

She is probably just waking for comfort. Mine did this and the sleep deprivation did slowly send me loopy. Try sending OH in with water for a few nights. I set myself targets of not feeding her if she woke before 2am, then 3am and gradually stretched it. She'll be fine. You need the sleep. She doesn't really need the food as she is feeding so well in the daytime. Good luck.

My 7 mo is feeding 2-3 times a night, just like his big brother did until he was about 15 months old!
Honestly it is normal, please don't feel alone.

Having said that, there are a few things you could try. What is she wearing to bed? We have put our DS2 in a sleeping bag the last few nights where it has been chillier and it seems to help him stay asleep because there is not that temperature change when they go back in the cot.

I don't think 4 feeds during the day is enough tbh. There are a lot more calories in milk than in food for them at this age, so i would think about when you can fit in another feed. After lunch?

Thanks again for posts people.

Damsel we used to cosleep in the very early days and sometimes do when she has a cold now, but I really struggled to sleep by the end as she wanted my boob the whole night and i got one massively swollen 'favourite' breast . I have been cosleeping a bit as she had a bad cold recently, but our bed is not big and i'm so worried about her in it the whole night. Plus DP not overkeen on this idea.

Funny she won't take a bottle at all, chews on and then spits out the teat, so water not an option. I'm starting to wish I had just put her on a bottle from day 1

Ali yes, she is in a sleeping bag. How often do you feed in the day? I am desperate to cut down the day feeds, but if i need to do more to save the night, then so be it!

I'm sure it is small comfort to you that there are a few other babies out there with similar sleep issues.

You are right, your 8 month old baby is not waking up several times in the night for a feed because of need. He is waking up because of habit.

From here, there are two roads you can take:

1. Do nothing. She will sleep through eventually. Be prepared for broken sleep for another year or two.
2. Stop night feeds. It will be hard for a few nights but then her metabolism will get used to feeding more in the day and not feeding in the night, and she will sleep through.

Good luck whichever you choose to do.

DD2 was like this at 8 months. Once i stopped feeding her to sleep she started sleeping through. I always put her down awake and sang and rubbed her tummy etc. Like magic she started sleeping through. I don't think she had been hungry at all. It was just for comfort.

CoteDAzur I would like to stop night feeds. Is it as simple as just refusing to give her a feed in the night and trying to settle her another way? I could also in preparation for this start giving her an extra breast feed in the day just so i feel sure that she is not hungry? What do you think?

It might not take a year if you do nothing.

My DS was similar from four months to eight months. It was every 1-2 hours. Under the advice of a sleep consultant, we tried to nightwean at six months. He was going all night without a feed, but woke every couple of hours anyway

Things got gradually better, and by his first birthday he was sleeping through three or four nights a week. If he doesn't sleep through, he wakes once and I feed him back to sleep. I figure I can either faff about shh/patting for an hour, or just feed and have us all back to sleep within 20 minutes. He dropped all the other feeds on his own so I'm happy for now to wait until he grows out of it. (He's 13 months now by the way.)

I'm not saying you should do nothing. If I could have sorted it out at six months I would have, but he was so resistant to every form of sleep training, I had no choice but to wait for him to get better on his own. Just wanted to offer a different perspective and maybe a glimmer of hope.

PS to stop night feeds, reduce the duration of the feed over a few nights. Start with 10 mins, then 7, then 5, then 3 etc. When you get to zero you might have a rough night. You can stay with her, cuddle her, sing etc. Then gradually reduce contact.

It didn't work for us but it does for a lot of babies.

Basically, go cold turkey on night feeds. When she wakes up, your DH should go to settle her (because she will smell milk on you). The first night will be difficult and she will automatically eat/feed more the next day, second night less so, and she will probably sleep through in 3-4 nights of this.

If you will do this, don't wait. It will be infinitely more difficult once your DD can stand up and bang her head against the railings of her cot and/or throw herself over them [only half joking] And she will soon be teething. You really want her to have the ability to go back to sleep on her own without a feed by then.

multicolour - what you can't do is eliminate night feeds AND look to cut down daytime feeds. Milk should be the main source of nutrition for babies until they are a year old.

I think we will probably look to nightwean DS2 a few months sooner than we did DS1 - so we will make an attempt shortly after his first birthday.
I do think that 8 months is still quite little to be refusing night feeds, especially if as you say the solids are a bit hit and miss atm.

I feed on demand during the day, I honestly couldn't tell you how often - I am so busy rushing about after my toddler! Let me think about yesterday.

7amish wake up feed - big feed
Breakfast
After breakfast - short feed
Mid-morning - short feed
Pre-lunch (very short but I find it helps him not get overtired and frustrated during lunch)
Lunch
2pm - big feed
6pm - big feed
Dinner
After dinner - short feed
Bathtime
Feed
Bedtime story
Feed

So 8 feeds. The two either side of bedtime story I count as one.
He went to sleep at 8.30pm, woke and needed resettling by DH at about 9.30pm. Woke for a feed at midnight, again at about 3am and then 7am.

We didn't use a bottle either, Multi. She was offered water in a beaker. Didn't fancy it much, so gave up waking. It was very hot when we were doing this, so we were worried she'd be thirsty, but obviously sleeping became preferable to waking for water. I think it helped that her Daddy didn't smell of milk, iykwim. Hope you can get some sleep soon.

Alibaba - 8 feeds in 12 hours doesn't sound right. Especially not sure what you hope to achieve with three feeds between dinner and bed. This is not a newborn we are talking about.

Cote I feed him when he's hungry.

I don't think that refusing milk to an 8 month old sounds right - but I wasn't going to be so rude as to criticise your choices. :)

MY DS (now almost 2.5) was bottle fed and at this age he was regularly having a dream feed at 11, a feed at about 2/3 and sometimes one at about half 5 as well! About 5/6oz a time so he was usually eating as much during the night as during the day!

It was knackering but it did not last forever! By the time he was just over a year old he stopped waking up for the 11pm feed (which was annoying as it was the easiest to do!) so we dropped that. Then stopped waking quite so early in the morning. Within a month or two he then stopped waking at 2/3 (but we did then revert to some very early breakfasts!) and from about 1.5 onwards he basically slept through. He still has a bedtime bottle at 7pm but I'm fairly sure that is just for comfort!

We didn't "do" anything re night weaning and interestingly he didn't appear to consume a vat amount more food / milk in the day once he stopped having so much in the day either. I guess perhaps the three-bottles-a-night stage was an extended growth spurt?

Anyway, perhaps (if you can bear it) doing nothing for a few more months will solve the problem for you?

If that's really not possible then evidence from all my BFing friends suggest that for the person with boobs to attempt to settle without feeding is a massive waste of time - has to be the boobless one!

Thanks for all the advice. I realise that people have differing views on this, and to be honest I haven't got a clue! I do feel that dd's night feeds mean that she is not very hungry in the day. I never get this morning wake up big feed that other people talk about because she is never very hungry when she wakes up, presumably because she has fed not so long ago. If I knew that in 4 months time she would start to do it by herself then I would probably leave it to her, but i am worried about it going on...and on. Also, I want to stop breast feeding by 1 year and move onto a beaker, just a personal choice, and I think this will be more likely if she isn't needing a feed in the night (given that she won't take a bottle). Oh I don't know what to do!

I also never refused a feed to my two DC and yet never fed 8 times in 12 hours, not to mention the night feeds you are still doing. By 8 months, babies space out their feeds to every 3-4 hours and don't cluster-feed in the evening. That is why I said it "doesn't sound right" and asked what you thought three feeds between dinner and bed are for - surely not hunger, so is it for comfort?

It is not criticism of your choices, by the way. You could attach your baby to your breast and feed permanently 24/7 and I still wouldn't care enough to criticize.

multicolourcat I could have written your post.

DD is nearly 8mo and her sleep has been getting progressively worse since 6 mo. Especially hard as she was sleeping 12 hours straight at 12 weeks.

I BF when she wakes between 10-11 (again think this is a habit because she never used to)

I tried co-sleeping when she wakes in the night (typically about 3) which worked for a while but this week she wouldn't settle at all even in bed with us.

The only thing I have found that does eventually work is putting her back into her bed and then going back in and out of the room, patting and comforting because I find if I sit with her she just gets more worked up if I don't pick her up.

Interestingly she stayed at MIL's last week and my DM's last night (she will take a bottle) and both times slept through min 8 hours

She's also on 3 meals a day and usually has 3-4 BF per day and like your DD is never that interested in the first one of the day if she has fed in the night.

She's also gone from 25th to 50th percentile since starting on solids so I am pretty sure she doesn't need nightfeeds, but on the other hand I find it really hard to not feed her when I know it will comfort her and usually she will go back to sleep.

Anyway sorry for ramble but just wanted to say you are not alone, but I am going to try to cut out/reduce night feeds this week as going back to work soon.

You have my sympathy OP.
I think the problem is that all babies are different.
I had an iPhone app when DD was younger to remind me which side to feed from, and that told me how many feeds she had in 24 hours. She generally had 11, sometimes more and sometimes less.
My understanding is that milk should still be the main source of nutrition up at a year old, and at eight months I might sometimes get DD to go three hours between feeds, but certainly not four.

I would guess DDs pattern was similar to alibaba's DS. She woke 2-3 times a night until about 13 months old. (though she was two months prem and I never know whether to adjust her age, ie would she have slept through at 11mo if she'd been term). Anyway, I always fed her. My HV was supportive of me doing that, other mum friends gave me the advice to give her water but personally I preferred to just feed her and get back to sleep ASAP.

Suddenly at 13 months she started sleeping through. I did nothing to encourage her, and it was sudden rather than gradual. My personal opinion is that she was just ready, and I'm happy now that I fed her when she wanted and let her take the lead.

But like I say all babies are different. And if you're getting to the stage of feeling you can't cope with the night wakings you might want to get DH involved with either expressed milk or water.

I hope you find a solution that suits you.

I have been watching this thread as my 8mo DD is the same.
Her sleep has gradually got worse since she was about 3 months, I put it down to the 4 month sleep regression, then the six month growth spurt, teething ect.
We have a rule of offering water and a cuddle if she wakes before 3am but she can be awake for two hours, just chatting and gradually working up to a cry.
A few times recently she has gone through until 4.30/5am, fed and back to sleep until 7 which was bliss and I would happily go back to work (next week, eek) on that regime.
She has got loads of teeth in a short space of time and I have this sinking feeling that she has some back ones coming now.
I am torn between sticking with the water thing and trying to push through it or give in and feed.
But sometimes even with a feed she doesn't go back to sleep straight away.

Hello, I'm having trouble too. DD has never slept through, she's 7mo and has been known to wake 4 or 5 times in a night. As she's still so small I do offer her a boob but there are times when she is clearly not hungry and just sort of nibbles on me (which is TEETH ACHINGLY HORRIBLE!!) for comfort. So my dilemma is how do I stop her using me as a dummy?

I'm posting this during a cry session, I was mooching about on MN for support, ideas trying to block out the crying Anyway for what it's worth she had fed really well at bedtime, woke at 2245 and fed really well again, then woke up at 0030. She was not hungry and did the nibbling thing as I did offer her the boob. I gave her pain relief (just in case but I don't think she needs it as she's just today popped a tooth out). She won't take a dummy. She gets enraged if I try to cuddle her without offering her a nipple so I've had to do CC :(
I've managed to go in every 10mins to check she's ok reassure her that I've not disappeared and then go back out, she's literally just beginning to settle! Got a little whimper and now silence...
Just to let you know you're not on your own, and I completely feel your pain. It's horrible feeling bad thoughts about your little one isn't it? I have wanted to walk away a few times and have been found sobbing in corners due to tiredness... My 2.7yo even says 'mummy tired? Need nap?' now if I'm crying!
Hugs...
Right I'm off to get some sleep, hope you get better nights soon.