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Think I’m doing this all wrong

8 replies

NewbieT · 28/10/2011 12:31

Please help! I have a horrible suspicion I am doing everything wrong, really need either a bit or reassurance or some constructive criticism.

Typical routine ?
9month-old DD, wakes at 7am on weekdays (had to be woken sometimes, as we need to handover to childminder and go to work - hate doing this).
She?s with a childminder 4 days a week, who has recently informed me she is doing controlled crying at naptime. Feel concerned about this. Have (probably irrational) visions of my poor DD wailing away lonely and distressed without me (working mum?s guilt, no doubt).
We collect her about 6.30, she has a snack about 7pm (having had dinner about 5pm with childminder), then rampages around the living room trashing the place playing
8.30 ? bath
8.45-9ish bottle
Then falls asleep during the bottle, meaning we can rarely manage to brush her teeth, so we try and give her a drink of water post-bottle
9.30 transfer sleeping baby to cot
3am ? DD wakes up with a cry, gets whisked up and put in our bed to co-sleep rest of the night. It?s a very wide bed, she sleeps between us flat on the bed in a gap between our pillows of about 2 foot.

She used to sleep through, between the ages of about 2 months and 5 months, but now always wakes.

At the weekends, we all sleep in a bit later, until about 8. When she is with us, we cuddle her to sleep if she is tired in the day (two naps one about lunch time and one late afternoon, no set times).

I know she is probably going to bed too late, but any earlier she is full of beans, plus we can?t get out of work any earlier.

I?m just worried that: 1 - she isn?t getting enough sleep and 2 - that we?re storing up massive problems for ourselves in the future with the co-sleeping. But it just seems like the most natural thing in the world to bring her in with us if she is upset.

You can tell she?s my first, can?t you? I am one of four, my mum thinks it is completely ridiculous she isn?t in a firm routine.

All opinions / advice much appreciated...

OP posts:
NewbieT · 28/10/2011 12:36

sorry for random question marks appearing instead of apostrophes!

OP posts:
ChrissyHynde · 28/10/2011 19:59

IMO you work such a long day that i would go with any routine that works for you. Not much help but I'd just run with what works for you.

MadameJ · 28/10/2011 21:00

Bless you, it's so hard - I think work should be banned Grin

IMHO, it sounds to be like your doing all you can for your LO and I don't think you could do anymore - what would be the point trying to put her to sleep when she clearly isn't tired??

In regards to co-sleeping, I reckon as long as your all happy with this arrangment then go for it, it probably means you all get much needed extra hours.

Also, are you happy for he childminder to do CC, I only ask because she is your child and this should only be happening if you agreed to this (IMO).

Iamjustthekillmachine · 28/10/2011 21:40

Gosh, poor you. I am interested in this as I have similar if not as bad problems (I'm not back at work yet), and I'm co-sleeping.

Are you ok with the CC? it's in no way 'working mums' guilt' to feel worried about it if you didn't do it yourself.

As for the co-sleeping, there is evidence that it's not a 'rod for your own back', but it's a very personal (family) decition, there was this recently: www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/8854674/Babies-should-sleep-in-mothers-bed-until-age-three.html

I'll be watching with interest to see what more experiences mners have to say!

hardboiledpossum · 28/10/2011 21:47

It sounds like you're doing a great job. I would be a bit concerned that the childminder didn't consult you before doing CC though.

bankholiday · 29/10/2011 09:20

Agree you are doing a good job, it's not a problem if your DD goes to bed late, as long as she wakes up happy and full of beans (on a side note, DS doesn't want to be cuddled to sleep anymore, and I miss it so much...)

However, I think she might be a bit confused by the different waking times during the week and at the week-end, so maybe try gradually bringing bedtime to 8ish pm if this would work for you? If you had a firm routine in place there would be lots of people telling you that you need to be more flexible, so don't worry, do what works for you as a family.

Also, I find it unacceptable that your CM uses CC, especially as this is not something you agreed with. This might be confusing for your DD as well, who is cuddled to sleep at home and then expected to self settle at the CM. It is not working mum's guilt, I would have a word with your CM about it.

MrsBB1982 · 30/10/2011 03:37

I'd be livid if my childminder used controlled crying without my express permission. She is your daughter and it is up to you how to parent her. A chiodminder should respect that

NewbieT · 01/11/2011 15:06

Thanks very much for the supportive and reassuring messages, all. Bankholiday, I'd much rather we let her wake naturally every day, and would happily have her wake at 7am every day, but I just can't get her to bed any earlier; last night I was cuddling her on the bed in a dark, quiet room to try and settle her and she was having none of it, she was giggling and snatching my glasses off my face and wriggling out of my arms and rolling around the bed! And I feel reluctant to wake her at the weekend, I feel bad enough doing it in the week so I can ship her out with the childminder!

Regarding the CC, the problem is, I am very old friends with the childminder, and she has a lot more childcare experience than me, so I didn't feel confident enough to tell her not to, I guess I thought she must be doign it right, and it was me mucking things up Blush but I really should have more confidence in what feels right to me, shouldn't I, of course it must be confusing for my DD to be cuddled to sleep one day then left to her own devices the next! I just find it hard to think straight abotu these things, it seems obvious when other people point it out.

Thanks again for all your help!

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