9 month old - screams before bed and wakes regularly

[BornSicky]

If I had a tether, I'd be 3 miles off the end of it.

My 9 month has never slept more than 3/4 hours and naps badly as well. He's BF and won't take a bottle or cup.

I've been trying to regiment nap times throughout the day and recently he's done a few naps for longer than 45 mins (his normal length), but I still have to feed him to sleep for them.

Evening routine is as follows:

5pm dinner
5.30pm play
6pm bath
6.30pm massage, pjs on, singing
7pm feed in my arms

Then, I try and put him down when he's practically asleep, but aware he's going into his cot. Most times he then screams and screams. So, I pick him up, cuddle, walk round the room etc until he gets sleepy again, then back to the cot.

I repeat this ad nauseum and he then sleeps.

Or, if it's still not working half hour later, I put him down, put his mobile on and go clutter round the house a bit whilst he lays there. When he cries, I go back in - pick up/put down etc and eventually he falls asleep.

It's taking on average 1.5 hours to get him to go to sleep and then just as I go to bed he's awake again. I try and repeat all the above and get him back to bed, but am so tired, I bring him to bed with me.

He then wakes every two hours for feeds through the night.

I'm a single parent and no other help available and i'm truly losing the plot a little here.

Where am I going wrong, what can I do to help him sleep better and how do I help myself get some sleep too?

Any help gratefully received!

Is 7pm to late for him? Depending on how she naps during the day my 9.5mo goes down closer to 6.30pm

If she gets over tired she is a nightmare to get to sleep. Even if she does go down at 7-7.30 she wakes at the same time anyway.

thanks.

can i ask what your routine for daytime naps is, and what time she's up in the morning.

my ds is usually up at 7am, breakfast, play then nap at 10am. play, lunch, play then nap at 2.30pm etc.

me too! 9months next week, 2 older toddlers to run round after, exhausted and fed up. been there and done that with the older 2, have all the books (gina ford, no-cry sleep solution), and we're still having a nightmare! i was at the end of my tether with ds1 and got the health visitor to help me - she came out to visit, we did a sleep diary, wrote a plan and she came back after a couple of weeks to review.

it sounds like what you need is to teach him to self settle if you don't want to be cuddling and feeding to sleep all the time, and do as little as possible to get him sleepy and asleep. i use a comforter, dummy, lullaby music and i've just bought a light show/projector. you have to decide how you want to do things - gradual withdrawal or more structured routine/self settling/(almost) cc and do it for every sleep and nap time. my priority is to spend as little time settling him in the cot as possible - i just lay him down and walk out. when he cries i go in to lie him back down, give him dummy and comforter then straight out.

an earlier bedtime has helped - if he's in bed for 6:30 then he settles much better. i'm also cutting back on the night feeds so trying to get him off as soon as possible, if he fusses too much then i carry on then try again a few seconds later.

She usually wakes about 6.55am
Breakfast 7.30am
Nap 9.30-10.30am
Lunch 12pm
Afternoon nap 1.30-3pm
Dinner 4pm
Bath 6pm
Story-quiet time 6.30pm

It varies though as me, dp and mil share childcare. We all have slightly different routines.

I am lucky in that dd will take a bottle or beaker and usually has that for bed time.

mumatron i'd been wondering about earlier dinner and afternoon nap. thanks. i'll see if that helps - along with earlier bedtime.

and yes, naturalbaby - you're so right about self-settling. i wish he knew how, and that i was helping him do it well. he's become quite clingy of late, so it's harder to even leave the room when he's playing without screaming.

thanks for the ideas as well.

same here!!! same age, same routine, same cries, same midnight travels to momma`s bed... my DSs bedtime was at 7.30/7.45 so i will take the tip of an earlier bedtime. actually, yesterday he fell asleep at 6.50 and woke up (for the first of 3000 times) only at 11.30, a huge improvement.

Hi OP, sorry no advise. I'm at the end of my tether as well my 9 month old doesn't sleep and I really can't take it anymore...sitting here typing in tears :( Nothing works, I feel like running away in my PJs and sleeping for about a week.

I wish, like you, that one day I felt refreshed and not a mess.

Anyway, you're not alone x

Been trying earlier dinner at 4.30 and slightly earlier bed. Also he's finally drinking water from a cup with dinner. He's having less wind and went to sleep on his own without tears after 1.5 hours of shushing last night. It's small progress, but progress. Still woke through the night and ended up in my bed!

Huge sympathy to all with the same problems. Am going to keep persevering. The key seems to be good day time naps, so working hard on that routine.

Hi ladies. I am in the same boat at you. DS is 9 months and a sleep monster. Never ever slept through, and has been up every 1-2 hours EVERY night since about 5.5 months. However - things are somewhat better (but also weird) now. I've been harping on about this on other similar threads (there are may of us in this boat!), so sorry if you have seen this before. My advice is - stop feeding at night. Completely. I stopped feeding DS at night a couple of weeks ago. The rules were:

• Dark.
• No boob.
• I stay in the room with DS, but:
• I do not pick him up, shush him, talk to him, let him suck my finger, etc, just put him back down when he sits up/stands up in the cot.

He minded the first night, but there was no awful screaming. Then he started doing much longer stretches of sleep almost immediately. But I cannot say that things are perfect now. He still wakes up at night, but the wakings are variable. The night before he was up 4 times, last night he did an amazing stretch from 10 to 5 but then was up at 5 for the day. But overall I feel that things are probably moving in the right direction. And he started to eat loads better during the day.

Before I started all this, I stopped feeding him right before putting him to bed. I first added a book in between feed and bed and then dropped the feed. DS did not mind. However, I do give him a later dinner at 6 pm plus a boob feed to make sure he is proper stuffed when he goes to bed.

Naps have also been difficult for us. DS generally takes a morning nap (about an hour) around 10-11 and an afternoon nap around 2:00-3:30 (or 1:30 - 3:00) if at home or two 30-min naps if at nursery. But at home he has been increasingly difficult during the afternoon nap, especially since he learned to stand up in the cot. I try to apply the same policy as with night-time as I find that prancing around him trying all sorts to calm him down just makes things worse.

Good luck!

BTW, DS used to self-settle very well, esp. when he was swaddled. It did not make a bit of difference to his night wakings. I really find that all these promised that if a baby can self-settle and has a routine, he/she will sleep through the night is a big fat lie. And since he learned to sit up in the cot and scream, he stopped self-settling. I have to be in the room. . . .