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Sleep

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Original poster

Co sleeping since birth with dd 15 months-doesnt go to sleep until we do and wont entertain going in cot-any ideas very welcome pleeeeease x

18 replies

Timetochange70 · 04/10/2011 22:49

Ok
I am after any tips on getting my dd to go down to sleep at a reasonable time in her nursery and in her cot.
Im thinking about 7 or 8 instead of midnight with us. Im entirely happy for her to come into our bed in the night and dont even mind the several night time breast feeds !
Its my own fault i know but dd 1 and dd 2 had A levels and GCSEs this year and i just couldnt let her make a noise. Anyway ill be honest and i dont think i could do the controlled crying because i believe its not good for them and too upsetting for me or her - just my opinion i know.
Any tips would be very appreciated-am so tired with dc x 4 and working and disturbed nights i cant actually think straight and i know if was asked and i wasnt tired i`d likely come up with some great plan !

If i go near her cot she arches her back and screams without relent.
i did leave her a couple of times and she became hysterical.
her very first exp. in cot was dreadful btw-she got tangled up in a stupid canopy i bought and it wrapped around her face - dont imagine she would remember but i do wonder because it was dreadful. Canopy now binned !

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BranchingOut · 05/10/2011 14:19

Look at the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. Great ideas in there and supportive of co-sleeping etc.

zimm · 07/10/2011 19:43

Start with naps in cot during day? Sorry if that's obvious. Does she currently nap? If so where and how?

Original poster

Timetochange70 · 07/10/2011 23:39

hi Zimm.
She has eventually started having a daytime nap yes.
I've a big coachbult silver cross and she now goes to sleep in that for a time most days.It took a long time and repeated attempts.
I did try starting day time naps in her cot.I was actually studying for an exam and thought it was a perfect time because I could sit in rocking chair next to her cot . I did so every day and held her hand and a couple of times she did fall asleep, but woke up completely hysterical after a short time when she saw I had gone . because I work I can only stick to a daytime routine at home for a couple of days, but I suppose I never thought she would have a daytime nap anywhere and at least in her pram we are now at a stage where I put her in it and she knows it's sleepy time and actually goes to sleep independently so I know she can do it . maybe I could put the cot in my bedroom to start with ?
Thanks for your reply .

OP posts:

deviladvocate · 07/10/2011 23:46

why bother with a cot? do you have a spare bed she can sleep in, you could nurse her off to sleep there and join her later when you're ready for bed/when she wakes?

oranges123 · 08/10/2011 00:06

We put our 22 month old DD down to sleep in the middle of our bed at 8-ish and we go up and join her when we are ready for bed. At her bedtime one of us stays with her until she goes off to sleep. Sometimes she wakes up and cries and we go up and settle her again but usually we get a few hours to have dinner and relax before bed. Have you tried this? I guess you might worry about her rolling out of bed but you can either get the fold down sides or put pillows/cushions on the floor so she has a soft landing if she does roll out.

With us, our DD used to sleep in a cot in her own room for at least part of the night but suddenly developed an aversion to it and now won't go near it at night. She doesn't nap in it either but will occasionally sit in it to play during the day.

Our plan soon is to put a mattress in our room and see if we can gradually ease her into her own room once we have swapped her cot for a bed, sometime in the next few months hopefully. I think something along these lines is recommended in the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers book (Elizabeth Pantley)

Original poster

Timetochange70 · 11/10/2011 23:03

Thanks both.
Some really sensible suggestions.
Think i`ll try putting in the middle of our bed. She only goes to the edge so i think she knows shell fall if she goes to far .
Thanks x

OP posts:

mummysnugglesolveverything · 12/10/2011 00:39

ok so I read you don't like the controlled crying but believe me it works! My dd (now2) is a real daddys girl and she would never have me do anything for her so dear daddy got the bedtime routine to do (bearing in mind I have 2 children from previous relationship)when she first started going in her cot. He would take her to bed and she would scream the house down until he went up and took her out,so it became obvious to me she knew if she screamed he would bring her back downstairs. Then it got to the point he would put her to bed,she would scream and he would bring her downstairs and sleep with him because I was adamant she was not sleeping in our bed.I'd advised him and we spoke about the situation and I decided to take over the bedtime routine but no matter how much she cried he was not allowed to get her out of bed and had to leave me to it.(he also did not like to hear her hi pitched screams and them alone are enough to make anyones stomach churn). so I took over Night1 took DD to bed said good night etc etc and sat in her room with my back to her so she didn't feel as though she was getting abandoned.She cried,screamed,shouted mummy,shouted daddy this went on for an hour and a half until she settled down and eventually went to sleep. Night 2 did the same thing and again the same thing happened. Night 3 I sat closer to the door than her and surprisingly to my husband I was back downstairs within half an hour. Week 2 I moved out of the door with it open so she could just see me a little but instead of screaming she tried to talk to me and then drifted off,by the end of week 2 she was sleeping in her own bed every night and going to bed without the drama and I have my husband back in bed
Children are far from silly and they know how to manipulate their parents to get what they want whatever you decide to do stay strong stick to your guns and good luck.x x x

deviladvocate · 12/10/2011 09:47

to mummysnugglesolveverything. I can't think of doing anything worse than leaving a child of mine to cry. Each to their own but I'm guessing it would be an unlikely strategy for someone who's been co-sleeping for 15 months...

InmaculadaConcepcion · 12/10/2011 19:22

devil the post says mummysnuggles stayed in the room, so her DD wasn't actually left to cry alone.

A similar gradual retreat method involves sitting reasonably close to the cot and gently resettling the LO each time they stand up and start to yell, but not otherwise interacting with them. And similar to mummysnuggles' approach, you move further away each night until you're outside the door and they're settling on their own.
It usually takes a couple of weeks or so and once again, the LO isn't being left to cry.

deviladvocate · 13/10/2011 12:40

fair enough, still wouldn't be an approach i'd choose. I stopped breastfeeding my first two at 13 and 14 months but just lay in the bed with them until they drifted off to sleep - we did this until they were old enough to not need us there anymore. it's taking longer with my third (she's 17 months and showing no sign of stopping feeding at bedtime - plus it's an easy way of shutting her up soothing her back off to sleep if she wakes in the night.

It's difficult to use controlled crying too when you have other children who will be disturbed by the baby being so bloody noisy upset.

Csimms · 13/10/2011 13:38

My 15 month old DS wakes in the night and I can not get him to go back to sleep in his cot. He will fall alseep in my arms, but when I try to put him back down he screams.
I do end up co-sleeping the rest of the night with him as I work full time and need the sleep. Have been co-sleeping since birth and we do get the odd night where he sleeps till 5am.

I like TimetoChange70 does not think that control crying would work.

My personal option is that I can not see leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep is a good thing. I would rather he have a cuddle at bedtime.

BranchingOut · 13/10/2011 15:28

CSimms, I found that it was essential to support my son's head when putting him back down in the cot - the tiniest jerk and he would wake up.

I would hold him upright against my body, then one hand under his bum, one under head and shoulders to put him into the cot. If he started to stir, give a rock or two, literally in mid-air as you are lowering him down. I think this is mentioned in the baby whisperer? Also, it was better if I could roll him over onto his side or front as he landed in the cot.

What sheets do you have? Flat cotton can be a bit cool, jersey might be warmer. Grobags also help.

Csimms · 13/10/2011 15:37

I will try your suggestion of laying him back down and hope that it works. I do tend to lay him on his side and he ends up on his tummy.

We have flat cotton ones, with a fleece blanket underneath.

Did have him in a grobag for a week or so, I think it helped but not sure. If he lays next to me in bed then he does not have anything over him and sleeps perfectly. He sometimes is not even touching me as I have a bed rail to stop him failing out. So I am not sure if he is getting to hot in his cot or too cold.

It might be worth me trying a jersey sheet as it is getting colder.

Thanks BranchingOut

BranchingOut · 13/10/2011 22:58

I am thinking that he might be too cold. The grobags do keep them lovely and cosy - safely too. The temperature is also consistent, so that as you lift him out to feed he isn't getting chilly and waking up more.

Let us know how you get on.

Daisy1986 · 17/10/2011 01:37

I coslept/sleep with DD now 2 yrs and still bf, I recommend get a good routine going and don't make too much fuss about going in to a big bed. Like your DS she would scream and really go into one if I even went near the cot with her. Even when I put her to bed in my bed we got to the stage that if I got up she would wake up, so I pretty much ended up going to bed same time as her with a lamp on to read. So, when she was 15months i decided to take the sides off and used it to put her dolls/teddys to bed and we'd read them a story. She started to say she wanted to sleep in her bed so I started to get her ready for bed in her room after her bath, get dressed, read her a story give her a small beaker of warm milk and then feed her. Sometimes shed say "no mummys bed" so Id take her to my room, feed her and she would drop off. More often then not she sleeps in her own bed till 1am then comes in for a feed and spends the rest of the night with me.

Csimms · 17/10/2011 10:22

DS has finally started to sleep in till about 7am now, which is a big improvement from 5.30am. He is still waking in the night anytime from 1am onwards and I have been giving him half a bottle at about 4.30am. And co-sleeping part of the night.

I have started laying him down the bottom half of his cot, instead of in the middle, which I think has help.

He can get himself off of the single bed that I have in his room, which I where I co-sleep with him and have a bed guard on.
When will I know when he is ready for his cot bed to be turned from a cot into a bed ?

Thanks

Daisy1986 · 18/10/2011 21:33

Csimms I would normally say when he is getting closer to climbing out of it. Which for my DD was at 15 months. Although she didnt sleep in it I used to put her in it while I had a bath. But as he can manage the single bed just buy another bed guard and Im sure he'll be fine. Just be prepared for him to get out of it alot untill the novelty wears off.

Csimms · 01/11/2011 10:04

Thanks Daisy1986, we have decided to change his cotbed into the bed after Christmas. He will be 18 months then and will hopefully be able to understand more and I can start a new routine of reading to him before he goes to bed. I try at the moment and he just takes the book from me and wanders off.

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