nearly 3-year-old bedtime/nighttime/morning HELL - totally desperate

[bean612]

DD is 2.10 and has always been a dodgy sleeper - sleep consultant at 9 months, didn't sleep through the night consistently till she was 2.3, but from about March this year until a month ago, she would sleep through almost every night, with only the odd phase of fussy bedtimes. Since she started sleeping through, she's always been an early riser (often between 5 and 5.30), but DH and I had learned to cope with that. Until now.

For the past month she will not get into bed at bedtime, makes a huge fuss 'I WON'T get into bed', 'I'm not tired', 'I WON'T go to sleep', getting out of bed, out of her room, shouting and sometimes hitting us. Bedtime can sometimes take 30-40 minutes. Then she wakes in the night (not every night, but often enough) - any time between about 1am and 4.30am (cos I now count 5am onwards as morning ) with the same sort of protests - 'it's NOT the night time, it's morning', 'I want to go downstairs NOW'. Then she wakes for the day at 5/5.30am - and on the rare occasion that she doesn't (the ONLY good thing about her nocturnal wakings is that sometimes it means she sleeps later), we do, as our body clocks are totally messed up.

I could cope with one of these things, or even two, but the triple whammy is absolutely killing me - and DH. It's not even just that we're knackered, or that our evenings/time together is ever more eroded, it's the constant, constant battle. The shouting, the hitting, the total refusal to listen or be placated. Plus she is tantrumming in the day, too - sometimes three or four times a day (other days she is sweet and lovely, but it's all so unpredictable).

One more thing I wonder about - this has all started more or less since she moved from her cot to a bed, and she does sometimes say 'I don't like my bed, I want my cot back, I want to be a baby'. Could this really be the key to it all? Has anyone else's DC made this kind of prolonged fuss about sleeping because they didn't like their bed?! It's a normal toddler bed, low to the ground, she doesn't fall out of it, she's got all the same cuddly toys, doesn't seem too hot/cold, etc.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble, and thank you if you've read to the end! Just needed to vent, I think - but if anyone has some sage advice I'd be so grateful. I've been telling myself it's just a phase - but this feels like the longest, tiredest month of my life...

I can really emphasis.M DS is almost 3 and has very seldom slept thru. I can get him in his bed without too much fuss,but it's keeping him in after anywhere from 12:00pm,if I take him back to his bed its always under duress,demanding more milk!I often fall asleep in his bed after 2nd 3times of returning him,if I successfully retreat to my bed he then gets into bed with his big DS,who naturally complains of lack of sleep also!I've tried most things,leaving it as long as possible,simply hanging out in his room so he feels safe,familiar.I battle to get him to eat with hisDS andDB so he's had some food??I've recently been made redundant so with all this time perhaps I can tackle it once and for all,good luck..from one walking dead to another!!

Oh Krystalmum, it's pretty shitty, isn't it? Your DS sounds even less keen on his bed than my DD, which is quite some achievement! Poor you.

Last night in our house was the 30min bedtime circus of shouting, getting out of bed, biting DH when he came near her, then wailing as soon as he left the room... Then she was trying to climb into our bed at 2am, DH took her back to her bed amid wails of 'I'm NOT SLEEPY!' and sat with her till she went back to sleep (30 mins). Then she was up at 5am, at which point we let her into our bed and she slept till nearly 8am - which is too late for work, nursery, etc, but since she didn't get to sleep till nearly 9pm...

I despair. I am so, so, so tired. Couldn't get to sleep last night till about 1am, then was obv woken by DD at 2am and then lay awake till about 4.30/5am. Am the walking dead today. Most of all, though, I am miserable. Can't ever see an end to this. I have been tired for nearly 3 years now. When does it stop?

does she have a day time nap? my son carried on like that for a while until his daytime nap was dropped, now we have the opposite problem which is that he falls asleep on drive home from nursery at 5.30! he still gets up and into our bed each night so we haven't won yet..

Hi Silversixpence - funny you should mention that, as she has now (I think it's about 6 weeks since I first posted) just more or less dropped her daytime nap, and bedtimes are much easier as she's exhausted. We also introduced audiobooks on CD for her to listen to as she fell asleep, which seems to have helped a lot (5-minute stories, great things!). I think having them to listen to makes her feel like she doesn't have to "give in" to sleep immediately, which I think she resists on principle

we have this problem too - our DS is 2.10 too, and won't go to bed, even when he has his older brother for company, and we just all end up being perpetually woken up by DS2 - so that's me, DH, DD (12), DS1 (9), and DS3 (1). We are ALL suffering from sleep deprivation, and we just don't know how to solve it. We have a stairgate that DH has yet to put up.
Our DS seems to be really clingy to DH at the moment, always asking 'Where are you going,Dad?" and has severe separation crying outbursts whenever DH goes out, but I never go out, because I'm house/bedbound, so I guess it's a bit of an unusual situation. I find if he has a nap it makes him worse, but if he doesn't have a nap he's awful anyway.
I think we'll try the audiobook idea too - DH has always insisted on them having the telly on to fall asleep too, which I have always disagreed with, but he's agreed finally that perhaps this is not the best plan and we need to adjust things.
Sometimes I think it's just because they're overtired and overstimulated - on the days DH is in London, I can't put them to bed, so I settle both DS2 & 3 in the front room with me by turning down the lights and putting some classical mustic on - usually works quite well.