controlled crying - what's the earliest you can do this?

[valentine]

Is it too early to do controlled crying with a 4 week old (assuming the baby has been fed, winded, clean nappy etc)? Or am I mean to even think like this?!

There is some evidence that letting a baby (certainly before 6 months) become consistently distressed ie, leaving them to 'cry it out' Truby King style may seriously damage their emotional capacities and have serious consequences in later life. It's all about their exposure to stress hormones in the brain at a time when the brain is undergoing massive and rapid development. It's all in the book Dinosaur mentioned.

I don't think cc was really what you meant. What i used to do with ds from an early age is leave him for 5-10 minutes and 9 times out of 10 he would fall asleep. It would take maximum 15 minutes. And this was just winging not proper crying. I then got to know what his cries were like and i knew whether he was actually distressed or just trying to get to sleep. I don't think thats cruel, i think its just giving them chance to do it by themself. But then thats not cc

I now have a 6 month old who is an excellent sleeper and always goes to sleep on his own.

Just want to add before anyone does think i'm cruel, that if he was distressed i'd go and pick him up straight away.

Yes mercy I kept my babies in my room til 6 months and neither were properly sleeping through by then, but both by that point were going to bed at 7.30/7.45 pm and I wasn't - at least not every night!

I think a lot of people have different ideas of what controlled crying constitutes. And I definitely think that 4 weeks is too young for what I would class as "controlled crying".

Mumforthefirsttime - its not just weight, its also luck. DS was 9 lbs 10 and he woke several times in the night, plus he was a fair weight for when we ended up pacing up and down the landing with him!

Truby King - noooooh. bad man

Very bad man, but once a childcare guru non the less. We should all listen and trust our instincts more, it's hard to leave a baby screaming for a reason..

DS was 10.4 at birth and breastfed through the night till about 9-10 months I think (it's all a blur)

Bozza that's interesting. I'd always though bigger babies = sleep longer! You live and learn!

I am still thinking about meggymoo's friend doing cc at two weeks.
god that is heart breaking.
yes I agree that it is difficult to ignore babies crying for a reason. It is evolution's little present for motehrs .

Monkeynuts, but a slightly contraversial one (or at least the Plunket Society/nurses were)

Isn't there a stress hormone that's produced when crying (someone else can look this up as am in odd non-googling mood ) that makes babies more likely to cry? Or something.

Whatever, tis heartbreaking to leave a weeny baby to cry itself to sleep. Wait till they're bigger and you don't think they're cute any more.

mercy monkeynuts is saying that Truby King's ideas and theories were damaging, not that she recommends them
I think.....

Meant to add, 10lb 4 - that's huge!! Owwwwwwwwwwwww

chunker you are making me LARF tonight
(brave name btw for a heavily, even chunkily pregnant laydee )

cxc - my DD is 18 months and incredibly cute but for some reason likes to cry herself to sleep. -. DH away tonight so bathed the kids and then did DD's stories and put her to bed. Then went to do DS's stories (2 stories out of Richard Scarry's Big World Book so 5 mins max) and during most of them she was crying/whinging.

Actually Mercy I think I was probably unlucky with DS. DD was smaller (8 lb 12) but much easier in those first 3 months, although still waking twice a night at that point.

Re name - am being ironic in a non-ironic way.

Suits me, no?

like a (boxing) glove

it's ok harpsiherald, I was just agreeing with monkeynuts. I have a fab little book called 'How to soothe a crying baby' and in the 'Good old days' chapter a quote from Truby King who

"couldn't understand mothers who became absurdly distressed by the sound of a mere hour or two of crying" 1921

Apart from all the clinical evidence, I have irrefutable anecdotal evidence:

My uncle was brought up Truby King style and left to cry.
My dad (born a few years later, the advice had changed) was brought up Dr. Spock style and picked up.

My dad is a very chilled, pleasant and gentle chap.
My uncle is a miserable old f*cker.

QED

Can't argue with that, ISFAZKS

Wonder if you're uncle would say "Being left to cry? Never did me any harm!"?

The stress hormone is cortisol and it's present in us all when we get upset/angry etc, I think it's one of the 'fight or flight' primers. Problem is in babies left consistently unsoothed (research was done on Romanian orphans - heartbreaking)the stress level becomes set either at very high so they're always in an aroused (not sexually) state or it is set so low that they show no emotion at all (babies that learn not to cry as no one comes) - there are obvioulsy states imbetween but what it's saying is that it's very natural for babies to cry - it's their any means of communication after all. The trick, as with everything, is to try and strike a balance. When a baby is very young they have an unconscious and very strong fear of abandonment - it's a survival instinct as they are reliant on their parents for their very lives. The terror of abandonment is very real for them and suffice to say very distressing.

well having read all your messages i dont feel so bad now as it seems that i wasnt exactly doing (or trying to do sometimes!) CC - i just leave him for 2-3 minutes, then go in and stroke him - dont pick him up - and if he doesnt settle then after a minute or so i will pick him up til he falls asleep on me and later i will try to put him down...the problem is i am better at doing this in the day than at night when i am v tired!