night weaning without dh - is it possible?

[Moulesfrites]

My ds is 8.5m. He is ebf but now on 3 good meals a day and still has 3 milk feeds a day (cannot get him to have anymore). His sleep has never been great, and about a month ago we tried cutting down his night feeds by sending dh in with water between 11-4 as he was waking up to 6 times per night. This worked and he cut down to one night feed, but then we had a horrendous teething spell which seemed to put us back to square one. We ended up co sleeping as he would only sleep with my nipple in his mouth!

This seems to have settled and he has 4 teeth through now. I am hoping that there will be a bit of a break between teeth now (??) so am wondering whether to give the night weaning another go - last night he woke up 5 times and I am exhausted.

The thing is, when we tried before dh could settle him within about 15 mins. Now however, any time dh has tried to settle him he has just screamed the place down incosolably and only seems to be soothed by me. Occasionally I can do it without feeding but usually I just feed him as it is quicker and I am too tired to do anything else.

Do you think I could try offering water as a way of dropping the night feeds? Also, I have looked into Jay Gordons night weaning and thought about giving that a go, except it says not to on babies under 1yo - this seems odd it seems a very gentle method and CC can be done from 6mo??

Sorry for length - I feel I have had my confidence knocked as yesterday I was talking to a mum who said that even though she bf, her ds was sleeping though by 12 weeks becuase she was "just very firm with him" and told me that it is in my ds's interests to sleep through.

Argh! Please don't let this silly person you spoke to yesterday knock your confidence and personally, I would take what she said with a grain of salt..."just very firm with him" probably means letting the poor mite scream himself to sleep at a terribly young age. Ignore ignore!

I am in the same boat as you - have a thread about dropping night feeds running but don't know how to link to it . DH did the settling for the last few weeks and we got the wakings down from 2 or 3 to just 1 at about 5.30 which was totally manageable. The last few nights it has been 1 waking but at the godawful hour of 3.30 or 4am and DH now seems unable to settle him either.... I too find it hard not to just cave in and feed as it's the easiest, quickest way to get everyone back to sleep.

What is the Jay Gordon method? TBH I wouldn't worry about the one year thing - especially if your LO is having lots of solids & has been able to cut down to one feed in the past, he can obviously do it. No point in having 3 more months of exhaustion if you feel he's ready now.....

Sorry not to have any real advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone :) Good luck!

I did it, but I think I had some help from DD! At about the same age yours is at, she stopped dropping off at the breast. At first, I kept offering food but it didn't result in any actual sleep. Then I gave her a cuddle (in her cot) and then sat with my back to her cot until she settled, gradually creeping further and further away until I could just go back to bed after a little cuddle (took about three weeks, I think). She never did take water (and I confess there were some nights when I was so tired I let her cry for up to 12 minutes) but once breast no longer equalled sleep I had no incentive to keep up the night feeds.

I don't know whether I'd want to try it in your shoes, but you could try unlatching just before sleep to achieve a similar effect? I only did it because I HAD to, though! (Having said that, at 5+ night-wakings I might well feel I HAD to do something!)

Also - ignore nonsense people! Very unhelpful comments there from incredible-sleeping-baby woman!

ok thank you ladies, I thought this woman was eminently sensible and someone I sort of looked up to until she said that!!

We are going away at the weekend and then again for a night next week - I am terrible for feeding at the slightest squeak when we are staying somewhere in case we disturb other people, do I don't really want to do something that will cause too much screaming at least until we come back.

So I think for the rest of this week I am just going to try and stop feeding to sleep but shushing etc instead - have just done this when putting ds down.

clarejane Jay Gordon method seems to be about stopping feeding to sleep and then stopping feeding all together within a certain period - he suggests 11-6.