Accidentally cried it out :((((

[MacMomo]

Didn't realise monitor was on mute. DD is an awful sleeper and lately has screamed when put down and if I stay with her she alternates crying and giggling, won't sleep even if I turn my back but stay in view. She's 8 months, EBF and I'm utterly horrified - I was smugly thinking how well we were doing tonight.

I went up to bed and found her face down, passed out in the corner of her cot, dummy on floor - then checked the monitor. Oh god, she probably cried for at least an hour, maybe 90 mins. How do I forgive myself and what do I do tomorrow night - should I actually do cry it out now we've got past the first awful night? (dh works away during week; can't face telling him what happened).

I second what Gloria says and can I also add that that it can change in overnight.

My DS1 was a terrible sleeper. He was also up every two hours at the same age as your DD. I have the documentry evidence to prove it too - I noted the times he woke for weeks to see if there was a pattern so that I could drop a feed. Ha, ha. That was a waste of time.

Anyway, one night, at 10 months he suddenly slept through. Bliss. After that I never fed him at night again (bf) because by sleeping through he had shown he didn't need it. Strangely he didn't 'ask' for it either. They sleep through when they are ready and 8 or 9 months is too early to do anything about it my opinion.

It will pass. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later but it will pass.

also check she isn't teething...they often are at this age...consider some mild pain relief if it's really bad.

She has been teething; I gave calpol last night to be sure it wasn't that, and she has a dummy to sleep with (but keeps throwing it away, part of the problem as then she's even more upset).

I think I will simply eat at 6 with her then both of us go to bed; I will hold her hand when she cries rather than getting her out the cot and then wrestling with her while she tries to crawl on my bed and play. I am actually too exhausted to contemplate listening to her cry, I think I would need to be not on my own either.

I can't remember what happens to them at 8 months (DD1 is almost 3), but teeth &/or separation anxiety sound likely.

DD2 is almost 5 months and has been waking every 2-3 hours so I've been doing PUPD (I am too soft to to any kind of CC or CIO!) and have been amazed at how quickly it has worked. It took about 30mins the first night, but 20 since then (which is less tine than it used to take me to rock her & pour her into her cot once sound asleep!) and she's waking less iften too. I only started last Friday night,, but last night she woke once at 10 (when I did PUPD) and again at 2 (when I fed her) I probably could have done this all myself, but someone pointed me at babysleepanswers site & they've been really good at helping me make a plan! I feel si much better after getting a bit more sleep for a few days!

Hope things get better for you soon!

thanks - dd now has thrush, just to make things worse. i just gave in and let her sleep on me all night. she slept quite well, I didn't but it was not as bad as I would have thought, maybe 4 hrs sleep in total which is almost manageable!

MacMomo, just read all this, came on the Sleep section as ds has suddenly changed his habits! You poor soul, sending a hug. The whole situation sounds utterly exhausting. I fully understand the feeling of not being able to go on any further with sleep nightmare situations, but equally having no acceptable steps to take to somehow make things different. The only thing I can say is that IT DOESN'T LAST. It's awful just now, and functioning on such little sleep makes you just want to cry.

The thing that would've helped me to know with my dd was that it wasn't anything I was doing, or not doing. Dd went hysterical when put in cot, every time, and everyone was full of advice I couldn't follow as it involved leaving her crying (I so sympathise with your horror at finding monitor had been turned down - that is so upsetting). I really felt I must have somehow created the situation. But I've been just the same with ds and he sleeps. It is just luck how high-maintenance your baby is.

The other thing that would've helped was to do anything to make sleep easier, and you're already doing that (co-sleeping, etc). I don't know why I persevered with her cot, looking back. Lack of confidence I suppose.

This will pass. You are giving her everything at the moment and must have no time or energy left just to be you. But she won't demand it forever. I am so sorry have no sleep advice, but have huge sleep sympathy.x

Thanks for the hug! I keep saying it will get better some day and when she's grown up and left home I'll be willing to sell my soul for the chance to snuggle up to my baby again. I realised that she has thrush in her mouth picked up from friend's baby's toys she was playing with (probably), they thought it had cleared up but it hadnt. Poor soul. She didn't seem traumatised or afraid of the cot after the CIO event, so maybe she didn't cry too long. I might not be getting any more sleep but if she's in my bed at least I'm getting baby snuggles :). Just don't remind me I'm back at work in 5 weeks with a fitness test to pass...

I agree my DS is the same (6 months), wants to be held all the time etc. I am just kinda enjoying the cuddles, it won't last forever! Oh and yes I take him to the loo with me, to play on the floor, and just have to try to stop him from using the toilet seat as a teether ;o)

Being responsive to your baby really helps thier intellectual development - helps make it easier for me!

PS if you want to reassure yourself about not doing CIO - www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/

oops DS is 8 months, not 6 x

just posting to say sorry you have gone through this and that I am in a similar boat. I'm sure your dd was ok and she couldn't have been upset for too long or surely you would have heard her without the monitor?

My DS is 8mo tomorrow and of late has been waking up to 6 times a night! He has gone through spells when he has only had 1/2 night feeds but at the minute he seems to be very clingy, comfort sucking for ages and screaming when I unlatch him, not settling well after a feed either. He is fully established on his solids now and eats loads and although I hate the phrase "just for comfort" it does seem to be this behind his waking, rather than hunger.

We did go through a spell a few weeks ago when dh tried to settle him with water. This worked really well and he was down to just waking once, but then it all went tits up when he started teething again. I think that is what is behind his current wakefulness but it so hard to be sure as the worst symptoms seem to be before the tooth breaks though.

Have my doubts about CC but tbh when I am back at work I think I might have to do it otherwise I just wont function.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone!

Shoot me down but....

I did a controlled crying method recommended by my health visitor at five months of age. It took two nights to crack it and now my daughter sleeps from 7pm through to 8am almost every night. I haven't lost her trust, she's still my little girl and I express that bond in other ways. Do consider trying controlled crying for your sanity as much as anything.

I promise I'm not a nutter mum, I just want the best for my daughter and a good night's kip for both of us makes all the difference. I'd be happy to dig out the book I was given by the HV if you're interested.

I dont think anyone's a nutter for doing what works for your family and as a previous poster said, sometimes what's best for everyone on balance might be CC. I decided that I'm not ready to try anything just yet, I'll wait until I go back to work and see how it goes: can always take a long weekend and do CC then if I have to (which I might). Meanwhile, we reverted to co sleeping for most of the night. We have had a coh

Oops. We have had a couple of better nights and a couple of less good nights. I'm trying to be optimistic! My mums visiting and she is against CIO, said I was an awful sleeper too and she had to snuggle me to sleep every night until I was in school . Maybe it's genetic? Mum says it's revenge!

I won't comment on the baby's view of this - I mean really who knows? Mother's have been pestered and bamboozled by theoretical assertions about what babies want or need since the year dot. What I will say and I speak from personal experience is that long-term sleep deprivation/ disturbance can seriously and permanently damage your health, sanity, family, work and most of all your relationship with your child. It is no laughing matter. Some people cope better than others - maybe they are the people advising you to just put up with it. Some can't cope with it and need to do something about it.

Until you were in school??! It does sound lovely but so much work! Well done your mum though.

On the subject of losing the bond of trust with CC, I could add that my LO smiled sweetly at me when I put her to bed, blew a raspberry then turned over and settled herself down. I'd say that shows no loss of trust IMO!

depob couldn't agree more.

You can only do what you feel you can do though. (In terms of changing things). Is tough.

No way in hell we'd do CIO, I've read far too many reasons not to and it goes against every maternal and logical instinct I have. We may do a very gentle version of CC when she is about 2 to help her settle herself to sleep, she will self settle if she wakes any time before around 1am but after that she needs settling. Which as she is only 13months is fine by me.

OP, don't feel bad! If she had been really going for it you would have heard so it probably wasn't as bad as you think.

now I thought CIO and CC were only used at betime, once you knew they were not hungry or in pain, and not during the night? I thought the point was that they got over tired/stimulated and so sometimes the only way was to leave them to cry for a bit.

I don't think CC/CIO would work during the night as they are crying for a different reason.

Can I ask you how you did not hear here, even without the monitor , my dd sounded like a bloomin foghorn and there was no need for a monitor as her screeching resounded from every wall in our house. YANBU don't worry about it, I left dd crying it out on purpose, for about half a hour once, just could not stand the foghorn crying so went up to her. I did have PND in my defense and tried everything.

DD is a certifiably loud crier but I have just moved to a big, old house (1930s, v solid) and her bedroom is quite a long way from the lounge. It is just v well sound proofed i suppose, I don't hear any noise from the lounge when I'm putting her to sleep either even if dh has music on (she's above the kitchen so hear noises between her room and kitchen). I also had the tv on and the door shut, and the monitor was on the table to the side of my sofa, or I would have seen the little lights that come on even when muted. oh, and her bedroom door was shut as the cat was loose.

Also - it's an anonymous forum. If I'd done it on purpose and then regretted it I would have called my thread "just did CIO and now feel guilty".