4 year old ds falls asleep on couch

11 replies

vhairi · 09/12/2005 16:26

this is every single night and has been doing it for as long as i can remember. All our fault i know!
If he is lifted to his room he will be up again within 10 minutes and back on the couch. Its now at the point where he doesnt go to bed until after me and my dh goes to his bed instead of ours cos it saves him doing it when ds wakes up in middle of night.
We also have dd nearly 2 and i'm 34+5 weeks with baby no.3 so we really need to address this problem but dh is very unwilling as it is obviously going to be very difficult and tiring.
I need help or advice !!! I feel ds is not getting good enough quality sllep due to this which is affedcting his behaviour through the
day.Not sure where to start??!!

OP posts:

poppyseed · 09/12/2005 16:28

Distraction and prodding to stop him from sleeping?!!! Early tea for all and then go straight into bath and an earlier bedtime?

Original poster

vhairi · 09/12/2005 16:34

this is at bedtime! Iknow please don't shout at me. They both have t , bath at 6.30 - 7 and dd goes to bed at 8 she loves bed just as well.
He will not go into bed to fall asleep it turns into a sreaming match even if you go through and lie with him it can take 1 - 11/2 hrs and he still won't be sleeping. Ds's room is downstairs so he can still hear us moving around, tv etc and i think? this is like a comfort for him. I was thinking of swapping rooms so he went upstairs with dd?

OP posts:

poppyseed · 09/12/2005 16:44

Hey - I never shout! Everyone's different....
I suppose then if you have highlighted this as a problem for you all then you have to get tough and show him who's boss as he's walking all over you at the mo.
Have you tried any of the sleeping guides around?- Richard Ferber seems to ring a bell with me - did he do 'toddler taming' or was that somebody else I wonder? Also have you watched any of the Supernanny programmes for ideas on sleeping problems? Remember though a short term hassle is OK if you get a long term gain. I wish you well and hope that someone else maybe can add to the advice for you.

WigWamBam · 09/12/2005 16:44

The only thing I can suggest is hard work and very repetitive ... you take him to bed and put him in, then every time he gets up you tell him no, it's time to be in bed, and you put him back to bed without another word. Don't stay with him, don't make eye contact, just put him back to bed as often as he gets up. Even if he screams, you don't let him back into the lounge. It's hard work (which is why your dh doesn't want to do it!) but it will be so much worse when you have a new baby to deal with as well.

poppyseed · 09/12/2005 16:47

ditto WWB
Good advice......get tough and make your life easier!

Original poster

vhairi · 09/12/2005 16:50

Yeah exactly why he doesnt want to do!!! I kind of thought that might be the way to go. Do you think i should try and explain to ds what's going to happen or just let him find out at bedtime? Also do you think it would make difference moving him upstairs and us downstairs?

OP posts:

Hattie05 · 09/12/2005 16:54

You need to have a chat with him and make him appear to have thought of the idea by himself. Start a conversation about why sleeping on the sofa is not a good idea (telling him its a babyish thing to do could work!). Then let him decide to start sleeping in bed with a bit of persuasion. Take him shopping and let him buy something special for bedtime e.g. night light, special ted, special pillow or duvet case. If his is the only bedroom downstairs - yes you could move him upstairs in case he feels to lonely to stay down on his own.
Stay firm, praise him for laying in his bed etc etc, but the minute he gets up, be firm and tell him its bedtime and he must stay in there - if he wants to read books fine, but he must stay in his bedroom.
Lastly tell your husband he either has to co-operate with new plan or move out for a few weeks whilst you get it sorted!
HTH

WigWamBam · 09/12/2005 16:54

I think that you should have a chat with him about it all first - tell him that he's a big boy now, and big boys need to sleep properly in their own beds and in their own rooms, and that tonight he's going to do that. He'll probably kick off a bit but you'll need to carry it through. If you change bedrooms it might be too many changes coming at the same time for him, so I'd be inclined to keep him downstairs - it depends on how much you think being downstairs is part of the problem though.

Original poster

vhairi · 09/12/2005 17:04

You're prob right about too many changes at once, dont know if the downstairs thing is an issue or not maybe just making excuses. Oh well i can only try, dh moving out for 2 weeks would def help11 He can't stand to hear ds cry whereas i can just switch off. No time like the present then is there! Better start explaining{smile]
Wish me luck, at least i'm on mat leave so dont have to get up for work tomorrow if its a really bad night!

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 09/12/2005 17:09

Good luck, vhairi ...

Hattie05 · 09/12/2005 17:11

On the other hand, the changed bedroom may help break old routines.

This worked for my dd, ( i had big probs with her sleeping in bed), new bedroom, newly decorated, new bedding etc all with her help then resulted in a little girl who couldn't wait to jump into her bed that night and has been great ever since!
Ok i've made that sound too easy havn't i! initially as much as she couldn't wait to jump into bed, she could jump out just as fast when she heard us walking down the stairs, but with a few threats and bribery i persuaded her to stay in bed and now she does so merrily.

But the point about new bedroom etc i think really helped, as she felt 'special' 'grown up' and as though it was all her plan iykwim.

Flip