My dd doesnt know how to fall asleep on her own......

[Helenemjay]

she is 13 weeks on monday, and she barely sleeps at all in the day she is getting better at night, but by then she is shattered! During the day, she fights sleep all the time, her eyes get all red and she gets so grumpy and tearful, but she wont go to sleep and when she does (rarely) she's awake again within minutes, but you can tell she is so tired, how can i teach her to calm herself and get to sleep by herself without me having to rock or nurse her? i have a 5 year old and a 2,5 year old running about most of the time so i understand shes probably finiding it difficult sometimes, she WONT have a dummy she flat out refuses and any attempts i make to give her one make her gag, im finding it REALLY difficult to get her into a routine and i could really do with some help asap!! pleeeeeeaaasse!! xx

im still trying to teach my 7 month old to get to sleep so not much help im afraid. I know theres lots of sleep training techniques you can try e.g controlled crying but dont think they are recomended for babies under 6 months. good luck.

just thought you could try the contented little baby book by gina ford, she sets routines from birth if you can manage to follow them!

Thankyou lindster, i have heard of that book before, and my sister rates it very highly - i will obviously have to try it!

We did controlled crying at about 6 months old and after 4 nights it worked a treat . After 6 months of pure hell with a very demanding first baby I wasn't hesitant about giving it a try and stuck religiously to it and hey presto, no problems since. She's now a gorgeous not quite 7 year old who still is no problem at bedtime and shows no emotional torture as a consequence of doing it!Good luck, I know exactly what you're going through.

Helenemjay.

I had a similar problem with DD, who didn't seem to be able to 'switch off'. For a while, I used to joggle her to sleep in her buggy for naps, and she only ever did a maximum of 45 minutes. Eventually I tried to get her down in her cot for 1 nap to start with, I did the morning one. I watched her really carefully for sleep cues and put her down awake in her cot, with the room darkened once she looked tired. I did leave her to cry a bit to settle herself (but only if it was on/off crying, not full on screaming) for up to 20 mins at first. This turned into a few minutes crying and maybe 10 mins grumbling fairly quickly and then I started to try her in her cot at lunchtime nap too. She is now 24 weeks and has only started napping for more than 45 minutes at a stretch recently (last 4 weeks), before that she was having 4 naps a day somedays, maybe 2 in her cot and 2 in her buggy.

She also found her thumb and this does help her soothe herself.

I know that not everyone can leave a baby to cry even for a few minutes, but like your dd, it was so obvious that sleep was what she needed, so it seemed 'cruel to be kind', was the best option as nothing else really worked (the buggy option sometimes just used to wind her up).

She now 'shouts' for a minute or two at nap time and then goes straight down and is having about 45mins to an hour in the morning, 1 to 2 hours at lunchtime and if needed about 1/2 hour in the afternoon.

HTH

I can totally sympathise with you. I am a first time mum and didn't have a clue what to expect. My ds is 14 weeks old now and has just got over really bad colic.

For the first 3 months I could barleyleave the house and getting him to sleep was a total nightmare. I would spend hours trying to rock him nurse him walk him and even when it worked he would wake 10 minutes later.

Now he is over the colic I had a baby that had no idea how to fall asleep on his own and so I tried the baby whisperer pick up put down method which you can start from 3 months.
I would tightly swaddle him with one arm out and lay him in his cot. when he cried I would pick him up and imediatley put him backdown again saying "Its ok it's time for sleep and Ill see you soon". The first night it took one hour of crying and about 50 pick up put downs when he finally fell asleep from exhaustion. The next daywas about 10 pupd's and 10 mins of crying. after two solid days of doing this at every nap and nighttime sleep he was like a diffrent baby. Sometimes he can now fall asleep on his own and If I do need to go in I only pupd once and put my arm on him and SHHHH him back to sleep.
The only difference is that my ds does use a dummy which probably helped me.

He does nowsleep for much longer at nap times, sometimes 3 hours.

I know I dont have much experience but I just thought telling my story might help.

It is so hard and you feel like you spend all day trying toget them to sleep and I cant imagine what it's like with two other children also you really are doing a fantastic job there.

Sorry to blab on

Oh thankyou girls for all your suggestions!! i have no idea but i seem to have lost the plot with this baby i think baby no.3 was like the final straw for my mental state LynseyM - i appreciate your help! i have 5 years experience with babies (if you can call it experience - more like surviving! - but in the best kind of way ) and look where its got me, i hang around dd wondering why the hell she wont sleep, and then when she does sleep wondering when the hell she might wake up and start yelling again - im such a wreck but then she looks at me with that cute little chubby face and it makes me go all mushy i will try these pick up put down methods and similar, mandymac - my sister had a dd 3 months before my dd and she shouts at my sister when she is ready for a nap - its really funny, she gets quite a cross shout too if my sis doesnt respond straight away! Anyway im going to go and feed dd now and go to bed in the hope of catching some sleep too!!!!