15 mo ds :(

[GotItAllWrong]

I am just at the end of my tether with ds's night sleeping. I don't know what to do any more.
He still breastfeeds to sleep, or is rocked, that is the only way to get him to sleep. He is still in my bed, I don't want him in there any more, and I don't want to breastfeed any more. But the screaming always proves too much, he just won't sleep with out it.

I don't get an evening to myself, he will cry/scream/climb out of bed every 30 mins or less until I do. And even then he doesn't sleep through.

He is on a long running movicol prescription so sometimes it's his stomach hurting him. I feel like such a shit mum, I'm just so tired of it though :( I just want some space.

He has no ability to self settle, AT ALL. I go upstairs otherwise he will scream and sob until I do.

I know I must have got something seriously wrong, but how do I change it?
Please any advice on how to make this better would be appreciated so much.

You say he screams and sobs until you go to him. Well, he knows that doesn't he? he knows that you will give in. If it were me, I'd make certain he was safe and I'd leave him to scream and sob ~ as hard as that is. He should eventually cry himself to sleep.

You aren't a bad Mummy by the way. It's hard to deal with, but he should get past it. Have you spoken to a HV about it? some will send you to a sleep expert.

Meant to say that once he realises that you won't go running to him, he may then start to self settle. Controlled crying is hard, but it usually works. Good luck.

Thanks Solo, I have wanted to do that soo many times. The problem is when his stomach hurts he does need me, but I can't tell the difference any more between when he needs me and when he's just waking. :(

Well, I hope you can sort it out. You must stop thinking you are a crap Mum though; your job is hard enough without calling yourself that :) and this stage will pass, it really will.

Oh poor you :( you are not a shit mum at all, you have been doing so well to get to 15 months of feeding him and comforting him, he will appreciate that for the rest of his life.

I would tackle one thing at a time.

What is your ideal situation? Sleeping through the night? Not feeding to sleep/rocking? Not needing you to be there with him from his bedtime until he wakes? No longer co-sleeping?

It might be too much change to do them all together but you can make gradual changes if you have enough patience to stick a few of them out a while longer.

Have you read the no cry sleep solution, or the Jay Gordon advice on night weaning? (Google is your friend on this one) Both are excellent on more gentle ways to get your toddler to learn to sleep without needing you in quite such a demanding way. Neither advocate controlled crying - not that I have anything against that method, but I know I for one am too weak to implement it.

If you decide to night wean first, then do a gradual withdrawal at bedtime, followed by reducing the feed to sleep association, you should be able to move your little one into his own space (or room). It might take a good month to achieve though, whereas controlled crying (if you are certain he does not need you because he is poorly) might only take a week.

Alternatively, he will grow out of it in his own time, too, but I could not guess when that might be...

Good luck and keep posting if you need some moral support, or just a vent!

Good post JTD, far more helpful than mine :)