Pease tell me it gets easier!!!

[Hunter1106]

My ds is 61/2 weeks and wakes at least 3 times a night! I bottle and bf but mainly bf through night. He take at least an hour to settle each time and just screams during/after feed for about 10 mins or so. I'm starting to feel really down about night time and can't sleep well for waiting for next wake up!! My dh says to ask for help when I need it but he works long hours and indobt want to bother him! He's slept on the couch since ds was born to get some sleep ( not that you can sleep through screaming!) I presume it's normal to feel low and tearful due to lack of sleep! People keep saying it gets better after 6 weeks but still waiting for corner to turn!! He has no routine and I don't even know where to start!!! Please tell me it gets better because although days are ok, I just want to sit and cry at night!!

Oh poor you Hunter sorry you feel like this. I don't really have any words of wisdom other than that I wish people wouldn't say 'it gets better at about 6 weeks', as then you are almost expecting it to suddenly turn a corner, and it just doesn't work like that. Everybody said this to me, and then I was going round the bend at 7 weeks thinking I must be rubbish as it was no better (in fact felt worse as novelty had worn off, and exhaustion had properly set in).

Waking 3 times in the night to feed is not that unusual at 6 weeks, he's still tiny and will get hungry often. I know that doesn't help, because I know you want to know when it will get better and how, but the point is, it really does, just try not to count down to a specific age/date by which you think it will be better, because they're all different.

For us, I started to feel I had got to grips with things generally around 4 months, which to you will seem like ages away, but the point is that for you, it might be next week. Having said that, sleep and night feeds really improved way before that, at about 8 weeks.

Do you have an evening/bedtime routine yet? It is probably a good time to start thinking about one, it made a massive difference to us. We do small feed, bath, big feed, bed. The two feeds means that she tanks up well before bedtime. After that, I would just aim to do a really good feed as late as you can stand before you go to bed yourself.

Does he get wind badly? Wondering if that might be why he is screaming after a feed? Is he sick a lot? How/where are you doing night feeds?

Again, not a very helpful post exactly, as it is a hard time early on, and we all go through it, but it does get better, it really does, the only hard thing is that we can't really say when. Your DS just needs you and needs to feed regularly right now. It honestly won't last long.

D

Also wanted to say, if DH offers/wants to help, then let him as far as possible (although difficult if you are BFing nightfeeds, he can help try and settle DS for you). I agree that I would try and let DH get good sleep because of work, but you know, you're flat out all day too. I try not to wake DH in the night, but he isn't going to be exempt from it all just because he is at work. I do think a lot of women push themselves to make life as easy as possible for their working DH when actually you're both parents and both have to do some of the tough stuff.

I used to find I hit a wall at about an hour of being up (including feeding and then trying to re-settle). I would then wake DH and say 'your turn', and he would do an hour (although it was never an hour by then, he probably only had to do max 20 minutes.

D

Thank you deliaskis, your advice is very helpful, I just need to know all this is normal! Such a culture shock! yes he is very windy, I wonder if he has problems with reflux as feeds much better sitting upright from bottle with no screaming! Thank you for your encouragement!

It is a massive culture shock, it was so much "worse" than I had been prepared for. I think I had been prepared for being physically tired etc. but not the emotional side of feeling so lost and so at sea with whether I was doing the "right" thing etc.

Does he have the same issues feeding in the day or just at night? Ask your HV or GP if you think there might be issues with reflux.

My DD is now 23 weeks and I still have ups and downs, but sleep is good now, feeding is good (she is on reflux meds), and I know where I am with daytime, when she is tired/hungry etc. They're all different, but you will get there.

D

And it is normal to feel low and tearful (I think I cried every day for the first 3 months), from lack of sleep as well as hormonal roller coaster. It takes aaayyyges to truly recover from pregnancy and labour etc.

D

Op I feel for you!! My ds1 was similar and took over an hour to settle back by which time he was up an hour later for another feed. My dh and I seemed to spend hours traipsing up and down the stairs as that was what settled him. I was exhausted!

With ds2 and ds3 I co slept and it was so much easier! Ds3 is now 4 months and I have just started to transition him to his own cot as he is now out of that difficult phase. Co-sleeping worked for me as I fed them to sleep lying down in bed and then when he woke in the night I just latched him in without moving! He and I would just fall back to sleep within 10 mins so it maximised my sleep! I also do this for his long lunchtime nap. He is now happy in his cot most of the night and ds1 and ds2 both sleep happily and solidly in their own beds!

I think in the early days do whatever u need to do to survive sleep deprivation. It will get better- usually at about 3 months IME - and you are doing a great job!

It will get better........promise. (Well it did for us after a hellish beginning). Hang on in there. Can you feed in bed? That way at least you get rest too....

oh and yes. I was very very teary due to lack of sleep and felt very low. HV kept talking about postnatal depression - I knew it was lack of sleep. DD is now 5.5 months and sleeping well now.